Told Friend. Feelin Guilty.

[3gander7]

so im really confused right now because i thought i would feel way better about myself once i told someone i knew (and he was really supportive) but i dont feel very much different. I even feel a bit guilty for telling him cause now it might be somewhat hard for him to feel comfortable around me. Well that doesnt make him sound very open-minded but he is one off the most open minded people i know. its just that sometimes i'm uncomfortable with myself when i think about crossdressing so how can i expect him to be 100% about it 100% of the time.
Hopefully its just a matter of time before i feel more comfident about this whole ordeal. So i guess me and my friend have some work to do. Anyone else felt this way after telling someone?

[Lisa Golightly]

Oh yes... My best friend... who is also male by the way. When he left after telling him I really thought deep down that I had ruined everything and that we'd drift apart. I was so very wrong, and he has been a rock in a sometimes stormy sea. When I eventually confessed my transsexuality to him, something I had difficulties with at the time, he was so caring and understanding I was deeply touched. Even hormones and the changes they brought haven't phased him...

There were a lot of questions over the first few weeks, and at times I felt I was on the ropes , but he needed to know and my honesty at the time has enabled us to stay strong. I kind of skirted the TS bit though he admitted he knew where I was heading long before I admitted it...

You told him because deep down you knew he was the right person, and if your experience is anything like mine, after those initial questions (the whys, where are you heading, where will it end) you'll hopefully have an unbreakable bond.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You have an interesting story - I think that it is very important who you choose to come out to - once you come out, you are out - you can never get it back

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sally2005]

What I don't know is how your friend reacted. I would work on your self acceptance and meet with your friend again and just let him know you are the same person and you hope everything is still 'cool' between you.

[Desiree2bababe]

Yes and wish I hadn't.

[Daintre]

I did come out to a guy who I thought was my best friend. I went through a world of hurt because he did not keep what I said confidential.. A life lesson I guess.

[TerriM]

I think that we ought to think first before we tell someone. Why are you telling that person? Is is it to make you feel better? Of course it is. But by telling someone you are putting that burden of keeping that secret, unless you are out to everyone. If you tell a male friend, do you think that he will be able to keep that secret from his wife? There have been times over the years that I felt compelled to tell someone close to me. Im glad I didnt'. My wife knows and that is enough. The companionship of my CD friends is enough for me to have people I can talk to. Also this forum is a big sounding board.
Yours Terri

[StevieTV]

I told my best friend who is a GG. She was ok with it. I thought that was nice. She then told her husband, his parents and a shared friend. I haven't heard from her since. Too bad so sad.

[DonnaT]

Just tell him, "I'm sorry if my confession made you feel uncomfortable." If it did, he'll forgive, if it didn't he'll tell you so.

Once you apologize, let it go. No need to worry over spilt milk.

[Angel.Marie76]

If he's your good friend, nothing should phase him.. sometimes a little homophobia kicks in with people who aren't prepared for such things.. but heck, when I finally got the nerve to tell my best GM friend, I had already talked to his GF, and she was like, 'Seriously, he's your best friend.. '... when I told him he was just like 'Ahh.. cool.. not surprised.. etc. ' and he could really care less. :) Confidence, though, is your most powerful tool. Confidence in yourself leads to confidence towards and with others.

One day at a time hun.. :hugs:

[3gander7]

Thanks for the advice everyone! i really apreciate it.

[mykhelee]

Sometimes we forget how much we are messing about with someone's personal comfort zone.

I told my best friend about my dressing and did not here from him for about two months. We are cool now, he realizes that the clothes do not make the man, or the friend. It was a lot for him to digest.

[crystalann]

Hello, I did the same thing last week I told my only real friend I looked him in the face and said I am transgender and he has a negative attitude for women right now because of his x-wife. But he said he did not what the big deal was and had some feelings something was never just right for me. That night I was thinking what did I do? I was shaking all night, but the next few days he never said a word about it and just treated me the same. So I wish I had done it sooner after 18 years never letting him or anyone know the truth. And by tell him my only friend I can tell anybody without feeling strange. And he said he has more respect for me then ever before. Best of luck

[MaryAnn40c]

only time will tell what kind of friend he is,until then just relax.... and watch the Oilers make fools of themself.:)

[Joanne f]

I think that is quite a natural reaction that you are feeling , when you tell someone about something that is very important and personal to you , you can go through a process of feeling unsure if you have done the right thing and you will no doubt be looking to hard to find signs that maybe you should not have , so just act and think as normal and all will be OK .

[Sapphire]

Even when the reaction is less than supportive it may not mean that a friendship is at an end. Remember that you may have many other things in common and enjoy each other’s company.

I would suggest that you avoid the subject if it seems that your friend at any stage finds it unsettling and concentrate instead on your common interests and pursuits. If the subject does happen to come up you could employ a little light humour. Sometimes we can take ourselves too seriously. Long conversations about gender are of great interest to the transgendered but understandably much less so to those who do not have to deal with this conundrum in their lives.

It took courage to tell your friend and clearly he still respects your friendship - that is a very positive outcome and no reason to feel bad about yourself.

[Cathytg]

I want to tell everyone. But I don't. My personal thinking is like this: I am not out of the closet and so my dressing is a secret. If I tell someone, then he or she has a deep secret to keep. It doesn't seem fair to them. So I don't.

[Alice Torn]

Told two people, one male, one female. I wish i had not. Was in pink fog at the time

[Kayla Shadows]

I hear ya'.I've told 3 people so far.All of whom were accepting.They are people Ive known for a while now and I wanted to be honest with them.I guess in a way you could say it was to make myself feel better.You can find something in anything.It made me feel better that they know who I really am.Being truthful with them and not feeling like Im deceiving them into thinking Im someone Im not.You find out who's really real in these instances too.In the end,I thought I was thinking of them first.All I could think was,ok,Im gonna say this and this person might or might not be here tomarrow.The thought of "might not" deffinately canceled out a main reason of making myself feel better.I dont want to hurt people either but,..I want to live my real life.Its about people I care about knowing the real me...even if they go away because I loved them that much.

[3gander7]

only time will tell what kind of friend he is,until then just relax.... and watch the Oilers make fools of themself.:)

Ha i'll admit they are fairly pathetic nowadays lol.

So i little update i guess:
It was bugging me how unphased he was when i told him so i figured he wasnt really speaking his mind. i made it easier for him by giving him a txt asking what he really thought and saying sorry if i had told him something that was making him feel uncomfortable . He then admited that it was on his mind a bit and that he thought it was wierd but kept on saying that it wasnt a big deal and there are worse things to worry about. So i guess thats good but sounds to me that he's not wanting to hear or talk about it any time soon. O well, from what you girls have been saying, waiting it out and acting normally is the best plan and thats what im going to do.

Thanks again for the replies!

[Jonianne]

When you tell male friends of yours, they may not know what to expect. They may be afraid that you are going to start acting and dressing more feminine around them and that might make them feel afraid of being embarrassed.

The ones I have told, I have told them in a way that made them feel I was telling them something that was very personal and in confidence. It is a risk, but by my behaviour around them I did not act any more feminine or macho than I did before. I just did the same things I always did around them. A couple felt comfortable enough with me that after I told them, they also shared some very personal things with me. That was neat.

I think most people will be ok if they know that it's not going to affect your relationship with them and that you are not going to do anything that would make them feel embarrassed. But, of course, sharing with anyone is always going to be a risk.

[Angie G]

I told my wife and it's the best thing I could have done. Dressing is not a bad thing to do if that's the worst thing people did this would be a beautiful world Stephy. You have a good friend there hun.:hugs:
Angie

[KELLYANN]

well stephy, i told my best friend of forty some years. i felt i had to, for reasons maybe you don't understand. don't think he quite understands, but doesn't have a problem with it. it's been some time and the subject hasn't come up. until recently, he would like to see me as kellyann. i would feel a bit awkward, but don't know why. he's seen many pictures of me and my friends. (in femme) no he is not gay. just that true friends are just that. TRUE!

[FeliciaRivers]

I know the feeling hun. I really can't tell you if the feeling goes away or not. After I told my brother, we just put the whole thing on the side and never spoke of it. I still feel awkward at times, but for the most part I doubt it even crosses his mind. But at the same time, it is nice knowing there is at least one person you can fall back on if you ever need to.

[Michelia]

I do not have any friends I feel I could tell.

I am lucky in other ways such as having a very sharing wife and kids.

But I still wish I could just come out to my best friends.