Marriage: Should I Go For It?
Hey! So I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, we're both 22. I finally came out to her last fall, telling her that ever since I was a toddler, I've been dressing up in women's clothing. She was distraught. We've came a little ways since that night, but not far. She doesn't tell me not to, but I can tell she doesn't LIKE that I do it. Other than that, she is madly in love with me, and I'm in love with her. She keeps hinting at marriage, saying how she wants a ring. I want to marry her, but I'm afraid that my cross dressing urges will become too much for her to handle and she'll leave me. I don't want that to happen, because nobody else knows about me CDing. I don't want the answer to "why did you guys divorce?" to be "because he felt it was necessary to dress up like a woman all the time".
Every time she'd bring up getting married (which is a lot), I would always just kinda brush it off, just because I don't want to get married if she's eventually going to leave me :/ I've never told her that that was my main reason for not wanting to get married.. until today. Here's the conversation:
Me: I love you baby!
Her: I love you too, Sunshine!
Me: I'm worried you'll stop loving me eventually :/
Her: WHAT
Me: Yeah :(
Her: I've been BEGGING you to spend forever with me :(
Me: I know baby. but you know what goes on with me, and I'm scared one day you'll think it's too much to handle :( thats my biggest fear.
Her: Babe. I needed some time to get used to it. And I'm doing better. In twenty years it won't even be the slightest problem. Just give it time, Sweetheart. Think about it - You've known about it much longer than I have, and you still struggle sometimes.
Me: Only because I want to be the perfect man for you. I wish I could control it for you, but I honestly can't.
Her: I know baby. And it's okay.
Me: I think the reason I do this stuff is the same reason you get all dressed up- to feel sexy. :/ does that make sense, or does that make me sound weirder..
Her: No baby. It makes sense.
Me: And I want to be honest with you about everything, so I'm not keeping anything from you, but I don't want you getting annoyed with me :(
That's when she called me and "assured" me that it'll be okay. That we've made it through much worse things than this. And that now I know what I have to do next (implying buying a ring).
I'm still quite worried that if I do this, she'll eventually desire a "manlier" man (even though I'm a motorcycle/car enthusiast, grease monkey, and a machinist). UGHHHHHH all these emotions.
I've always believed that marriage is forever. If I get married, I'm staying married. I just want her to be happy through the entire marriage. Should I just go for it, and hope for the best? Am I making this a bigger deal than it really is? Thank you in advance for any help!