Every time I try.....

Hey y'all! :-) Well, I think by now the time has come for me to try and come out as a CD'er to at least one other person..... I have a lady friend, (a friend who was born female, she and I are not in a BF/GF relationship, she is only a friend) whom I met in a chat room and been long-time friends with. She lives in California and she is a supporter of the LGBT community, rights, etc. Anyway, I go into her chatroom often, she knows me very well, but every time I try to talk to her and tell her that I'm a CD'er, I just freeze up and can't bring myself to do it. For those of you who have come out to friends and/or family, how did you do it?

I have done it a couple of ways.

The way I perfer is to bring up a pic on my phone and say this is me. As I'm out I haven't done this in a long time.

A picture is worth a thousand words. As she already somewhat knows you. I would suggest that you simply do that, sent a pic and say this is me.

My wife participates in two chat rooms with subjects which appeal to her. Other participants are able to view her posts, and, she theirs. Are her chat room posts open to all or is it just one on one when posting? What purpose is there to tell her about your cross dressing? Is there are value in revealing your cross dressing other than having another subject to communicate with her? If you're never going to ever meet this woman, then I would see the relationship as akin to this forum...anonymous.

The few friends that I had, met me as a girl. And I don't have much of a family, mom dad, no kids, so there wasn't much to come out to.

You should just bring it all out in the open to your friend. I think she'll not make a big deal out of it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jean 103

I have done it a couple of ways.

The way I perfer is to bring up a pic on my phone and say this is me.

---

Jean,

If you're there holding the phone then that seems fine. You're able to prejudge the situation. Remotely it could seem a bit weird, even have echos of those who think it's acceptable to send "Dick pics".

Kimberly,

I'd be more inclined to break it as gently as you can, say something along the lines of; "I feel I know you well enough to share something I've not shared with another living soul". "For as long as I can remember I've dressed in women's clothing and consider myself to be on the Transgender spectrum". Avoid crossdresser, even now it can have negative connotations for some. As for sending pics, ask if she'd like to see first.

That said I do agree with those who've asked what do you look to gain from coming out to your friend and importantly are you willing to risk the friendship?

Edge around it at first. "Hey, what do think of guys who wear women's clothes?"

"What f I told u I've done that?"

Then, go on from there into as much detail as the person you're speaking to wants to know. DON'T push details they may not want to hear on them!:thumbsdn:

Having the urge or desire to tell someone is not always the best thing to do.
You run a 50/50 chance of them not taking it well.
I have lost long time friends I thought would accept and had friends I would have never dreamed accept me but they did.
In the end you need to think about them and do you really want to burden them with your secret?
What do they gain from you telling them?
Its really common for CDers to want to tell the world or at least a friend but remember you may loose a friend and gain an enemy that will tell everyone.

Traci is right. A common thread among us is the need to tell someone. My wife knows but no one else, and frankly I don't see the need in telling people. If by chance someone found out I would be honest with them; if they accept me thats fine, if not oh well.

My concern is this: have you ever met this friend in person? Do you know that she exists and she is who she says she is or is this just an “online” friend. If you’ve never met her, you may want to watch a few episodes of “Catfished” before you decide to come out to them.

Except for just coming out and saying it...

Probably the best way I came out to a friend was. We were planning a party and I wanted to attend en-femme. So while we were taking one night I said someone else is coming to the party too, I will show you her Facebook. As I brought up my FB page I said "She's geeky, and cool, loves to dance and party" As I turned my laptop around so my friend could see it, I said "I think you are going to like her... I've known her all my life".

Frankly this is something that you tell another person in person. Not in a chat room, email, or text message.

Hey Kimberly, personally I prefer to just meet new people while dressed instead of coming out to people I know. You have nothing invested so there is nothing to lose. That?s one reason I go to bars and clubs - all LGBT variety. It has been a blast.

Sandi

I came out to my wife it was in a round about way. It was a very hot day I told her it was not fair she could wear a skirt and I had to wear pants. When we got home she gave me a skirt to wear. It progressed from there. It may have helped that my dad dressed and my wife thinks My need to dress is genetic. :hugs:
Angie

Are you out to anyone at all? I have come out in impulsively and thoughtfully...and thoughtfully usually works better.

The biggest issue is just how much your life matters to the person you come out to. The more it matters, the more likely that difficulties will ensue. An on-line acquaintance doesn?t have a big emotional investment in you, most of the time, and so they may not care what you do. A SO...someone you share your life with...will care a great deal more.

Do a little benefit/cost analysis. Ask yourself what?s at risk and what is to be gained. The risks are fairly obvious. The gains can be subtle...but deeply felt. I have developed deeper and more complete relationships with a number of people that I came out to.

What's the big deal, you've never even met her, just tell her.

I'm not really in a place to tell you what you should do. However, has she ever seen a picture of the male you? If she has, you may just want to be a little cautious about showing her a fem picture of you. That way, worst case scenario, if your friendship goes south for some reason down the road, you don't have to worry too much about being outed all over the internet. Just a thought.

Online chat room friends aren't really friends in the true sense of the word.
If you don't use your actual real name the it may not be so bad.

I wouldn't sweat it too much if its someone online, especially if the person doesn't know your full name.

I am out to one person who knows the male me--aside from those who I have met getting makeup done etc. It was interesting how it happened. We were playing in an orchestra and were texting back and forth in breaks. She and I have been friends for a while and every now and then have a few holds barred Q and A. One of the her texts asked if I have ever dressed as a woman. (She had been thinking Halloween or something) I didn't respond yes immediately but then said yes. It went on from there and eventually I showed her pics and shared my whole story. I know her so well that I felt pretty safe doing this. She has since given me some advice on clothes, wigs etc. She has also offered to go out during the day with me shopping etc. She even bought me a scarf and necklace as a present for driving her to rehearsals. Our relationship is strictly platonic (she is also friends with my wife) almost like a sister relationship.

Kimberly,
Well presented pictures worked well for me , it's one thing telling someone but seeing the partial reality is far better , naturally making sure she doesn't pass them on not unless you don't mind .

All I can say is it gets easier the more people that know , I've found the net is so wide now everyone appears to know .

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tracii G

Online chat room friends aren't really friends in the true sense of the word.
If you don't use your actual real name the it may not be so bad.

---

Nailed it! Online is a nice place to vent, mixing the conversation before you meet the person may just end the chat room.

Depending on your goal, a therapist is also a helpful ear....

If you have never met this person but regard her as a friend is the risk too great to lose this one person as a friend because you wanted to tell someone? as my threads have so clearly illustrated i have now lost 5 good friends, as an nexpat in a foreign country I risk now having little or no friends here, those that have remained are true friends, was the risk worth it with them being told? yes in a way it was because it gave me the freedom I desired.
But o would caution against telling just because you want to offload.

Once again, there were so many of you who put your thoughts, opinions and ideas when I asked for your help and again, I very much appreciate each and everyone of y'alls answers. Also again, since so many of you replied, I will just make a reply to all..... First of all, this online chat friend of mine is NOT a catfish. I am well aware of the TV show, "Catfish" or "Catfished", I've watched a few episodes myself. I have, myself been catfished online before, I fell in love with whom I thought was a legit woman, on more than one occasion and it turned out to really be a guy and I fell in love with nothing more than pictures and words on a screen..... Needless to say, I put an end to that REAL quick and I learned my lesson about catfish online. LOL However, like I said, this friend is not a catfish; I have spoken to her on the phone before, she even had me on a three-way call with her now ex-boyfriend..... He and I used to be friends as well. Anyway, this friend I would trust with my life. No, I have never met her in person and seeing as how I live in Mississippi and she lives in California, the chances of that happening are slim to none. But she is a good, kind, understanding, compassionate and forgiving woman and I have nothing but good things to say about her. She does know both my first and last name, I know hers and I've friended her on Facebook as well. Also, she has seen pictures of me dressed in my normal, masculine attire as well as seen pictures of me wearing shorts and pantyhose, but not in full fem mode.
Also friends, I have not come out as a CD'er to anyone but you all on this forum. No one but y'all, plus people whom I don't know at all out in public have seen me dressed.
Given what some of you have said, in a way I'm afraid of losing her as a friend if I come out as a CD'er to her, but knowing her like I do on the other hand, I'm not afraid of that at all. She may laugh at first, she may think it's cute or sweet, I'm not sure yet but I do believe that she will understand. Also, one of you suggested that I come out to her as transgender, but that would be a lie because I'm not transgender, I'm just a CD'er. I have said in a previous post that I don't want to become a woman full-time, I like to be able to temporarily become a woman when I CD. I like the idea of being able to quickly and easily remove what I have on when I'm dressed..... Well, I'm actually at home and in full fem mode right now as I type this. I went out last night and tonight dressed, so a post complete with pictures all about that will be coming soon. LOL
Anyway, that's my thoughts and opinions on what all of you had to say. Again, I very much appreciate y'all! :-)

Well you have pretty much made your case so do whatever you feel is the right thing.

Thank you, Tracii….. At this point though, I'm still undecided whether or not I want to come out to my friend. Had she been in the chat room tonight, I probably was going to but since she wasn't, I guess I'll have to wait. LOL I honestly don't know why I feel the need to, I guess it's because she has always been good to me ever since I've known her and I've known her for going on six years now.

Its normal to want to tell someone and I have no idea why that is myself.
I did it with a female friend quite a few years ago and she has let it leak out about me to her sister which in turn I am sure her brother knows.
He and I were friends and room mates years ago and I have not heard from him in years. I am pretty sure her sister thinks I am the worst thing ever and she is a very progressive person with no tolerance for anyone that isn't like her.
I feel bad for her husband and kids having to put up with her.
This lady friend is a super nice person so we are still friends.