new... and did I really accept it that easily?

Hi all you CD guys,

This is a question specifically for you. I am a Girl... yes one with naturally all the equipment. I recently started a relationship with a guy who turned out to be a cross dresser. small shock. didn't see that coming. I have known him for 2,5 years but we only started dating 2 months ago. Last thursday he confessed what he calls "his dark side". Sunday he showed himself as her for the very first time in his life. That is closets and hiding for nearly 50 years! so mayor step for him.

It took me a couple of hours to get used to it and then lord and behold I got attracted to his Her as well... It probably helps that I am a bisexual girl. I have dated men and women before. but this was... weird... right?

My worry after reading Erica's post that his girlfriend who in the beginning seemed very much accepting and embracing his CD, eventually decided she couldn't live with it. Now I am of course worried that this is all exciting because it is new.... that I am embracing it for all the wrong reasons and it will come hunting me. :eek:

Hi Elkeiini,

I am going to say welcome at this point as I don't recall an introduction post from you so as not to appear rude . . . WELCOME!

There is a community of genetic girls (GGs) on this site who I sure will reach out and be in a better position to answer your questions from a woman's perspective. There is also portion of the forum (Female at Birth - FAB) which you can access after 10 posts.

However from a CDer perspective, I guess it really depends a lot on how you feel about this person. My wife is supportive of my CDing and in a way Isha and her are best friends but then again "boy me" and my wife are best friends. However from a romance perspective, "boy me" is the only one allowed in that part of the relationship. She still loves me (both boy and girl sides) but that is a line which we do not cross. In your case being bisexual, this line may be a bit more fluid and you may find attraction across both gender presentations.

Hugs

Isha

First of all: Welcome Elkeliini! - nice of you to join us here... :cheer: and that you're a GG (Genetic Girl) seeking understanding - super!

If you've read a little by now you probably realise that most of us struggle with understanding also... so this is very much the blind leading the blind to a cinema for a movie and then a darts match... confusing and sometimes damaging!

You may have an advantage in that you can somehow appreciate both aspects of what makes a person attractive, from a physical perspective... it's just that in this case, it's one person. If you have affection for this individual, I'd suggest there probably isn't a massive difference in his/her personality just through presentation... that would be my opinion. :)

As to the future - what can I say?? I don't believe poor Erica's situation is always the outcome - there are many GG/CD partners here in stable relationships... whichever way it is going to go, there's probably not much you can consciously do about the outcome, so enjoy it while it develops, hope that it lasts, but see where it takes you... :D

Perhaps forewarned is forearmed, and that knowledge will help you both...? I Hope so...

Good luck!

Katey x

Don't second guess yourself.
Just because someone else had a change of heart doesn't mean that you will.
We are all individuals and react in our own way. If you are accepting now then just follow your heart and see where it goes. Don't try to see the end of the road that's over the hill, enjoy the journey.

so...got any hot friends??

Hi hon, and welcome to the forum!

As a bisexual woman, you are really the ideal sexual orientation to be in a relationship with a transgender person. Bisexuals tend to love the person first, and their gender is a secondary consideration. So God bless you, you are the best thing that could happen to a CD!

You'll be fine hon. I mean it's impossible to know the future for any relationship, and there are tons of reasons they fail. But unless your SO is so obsessed with CDing that they can't talk about anything else and it just drives you nuts, then there's just not much reason you should suddenly find yourself uncomfortable with it.

You are a woman uniquely equipped to really enjoy someone who plays with gender - have fun with it!

If you embrace it... then the reasons don't really matter...... imho....

Hi. I think my on/off gf experienced the same range of emotions but settled on the fact that if i was going to be in her life, she was going to have to accept it - at least outwardly. If you really were attracted to his fem self, you are light years ahead of most and i say hooray and just enjoy it.

Michelle

Welcome for me as well and so nice to have you here.
I'm in the same camp as Karren just go with it and enjoy it. Enjoy the person first it doesn't matter which gender role they prefer.

Elkeliini, yes, it (cross dressing) is weird. Next.

I am certain that the chief issue for those like Erica is that things went too far too fast. It's new and different so you may have some curiosity. That curiosity can be misread by the cross dresser as wonderful acceptance.

All you can really do is TALK about this issue. Make sure he understands what you a re thinking and that he tells you what he is thinking. Moving slow is much better. Based on your description above, you are moving WAY TOO fast for the typical cross dressing relationship that works.

best of luck

Welcome Elkeliini.

No one can predict the future. My wife accepted/enjoyed this part of me for a while, then flipped, then flipped a few more times.

Been married 38½ yrs.

Worrying is a waste of time.

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Originally Posted by Elkeliini

but this was... weird... right?

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Weird? Because no one else talks about it? Or acknowledges it? Or so few people actually do what you did? How about not the response that most people give. I like that so much more than weird. I know what people mean when they say weird, but as of late it is giving me a negative impression. Like there is something wrong with it. I like different, simply because it is not what most people do.

So with that being said, are most people attracted to both their male and female presentations? No, I have not read of many, if any, that are attracted to both. But with that being said, (yes I used it again,) my wife is attracted to both of my presentations. It is not something I discuss much, as cross dressing and sexuality is too often associated, but simply to let you know that you are not alone, it does occur on occasion. Oh and yes my wife is bisexual, so personally I think that can play a role in what you find attractive in a partner.

Now... will you eventually decide you can't live with it? Dunno. Maybe. People change. Life happens. Often I find there is no predicting with some things. Can you both continue to talk and decide to figure things out within your relationship? Yes I think you can make that choice, regardless of how fast or slow you are going currently. There will be aspects to your life together that will be unexpected and difficult to handle, could that make you want to give up on the relationship? Sure, but none of this is specific to cross dressing. It is how relationships go, imo.

Elkeliini, it is entirely up to you if you like it or not. The key to any relationship, intimate or platonic, is communication. Keep talking and be honest with each other and your relationship can grow beyond your imagination.

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

Don't try to see the end of the road that's over the hill, enjoy the journey.

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Originally Posted by DonnaT

No one can predict the future. My wife accepted/enjoyed this part of me for a while, then flipped, then flipped a few more times. Been married 38½ yrs. Worrying is a waste of time.

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Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit

There will be aspects to your life together that will be unexpected and difficult to handle, could that make you want to give up on the relationship? Sure, but none of this is specific to cross dressing. It is how relationships go, imo.

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Great advice here! As long as you're both enjoying getting to know each other -- don't worry too much about the future. If there are too many bad days, when you don't make each other happy... then the relationship may end, but that's a risk we all take when we fall in love. The other person may disappoint us, or may change, or we ourselves may change, or want something new -- and the relationship may end. That's not the end of the world. Enjoy the good times; that's all any of us can do in life.

Welcome. God Bless you, and your partner.

Welcome to the site sorry the crystal ball is broken. He should be happy at least your giving him a chance I hope he understands the value of this and enjoys the freedom. Play it by ear and be honest if you cant handle a certain aspect of it all. Good luck I hope it works it gives me hope thx.

There is no right or wrong way to view this. We got a very compressed view and one dimensional view of Erica's breakup. There may have been more to it. Maybe Erica went too far too fast in the pink fog of finding a seemingly accepting partner. Maybe there were other factors that contributed to the break up and the CDing became an easier out than saying...I'm just not that in to you. We probably won't ever know.

Judge this person by the content of his character and the entirety of his being. Many of us here are in solid relationships that have endured problems much greater than CDing.

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Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti

so...got any hot friends??

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I'd settle for any friend. Knowing, as I do, how hard it is to look/be hot, Im much more understanding and try to look within, not at just what is visible.

But to get to your original question. Not to oversimplify it, but you have dated both men and women before, and you still are dating both, but in one physical body. That's could be the best thing ever, not something the least bit weird. It's like dating two people at once, without cheating on either of them.

I've met a lot of CD/TS girls, and nothing strikes me as weird anymore. I know several couples where "he" has transitioned, and they are still married and happy. I know other couples where "he" has gone full time, but still has his original optional equipment. I know couples where "he" is on HRT, and she knows, and they are still married. I know couples where both of them are TS and have transitioned. I also know couples where "he" is only a part time girl, and sometimes they go out he and she and other times she and she. And then there are many others where she dislikes even the thought of him being her, and tends to pretend that it doesn't exist. Of course, I also know couples where "he" and she are living apart and are somewhere on the road to divorse. I even know a few girls that would prefer a CD to a non-CD man.

So, don't think this is weird. Enjoy what you have now, and try to build on it through mutual trust. Just be patient. Remember that you BF may have gone many of his 50 years hating himself because he thought he was weird.

Welcome Elkeiini!

You can expect to go through several phases of mental processing as you try to wrap your head around this CD thing. Go at your own pace, and give each phase it's due diligence. Eventually you will land in a place that's comfortable to you. Fretting about how you will feel down the road is a waste of emotion. Hugs!

owkee... thanks! I am just worried I fall through that pink fog (I think that what you here call the europhic times when all is grand and female) and not be able to deal with the his/her transformations. I really love him. It took me 2.5 years of constant reassuring I really really want him and he fought back for 2.5 years. We have other factors working against us, such as our massive age difference, but no doubt his CD made him hesitate even more. Now that we finally got together, I am of course above all worried to disappoint him. But thanks for the advice really. It helps to hear stories from others. and ah... yes I got a few friends with the same inclination adriana ;)

Elke,
Go with your immediate reactions, as thinking about it too deeply brings out all the hypotheticals and dark side which don't really exist.

Enjoy what you have and deal with the problems as they arise.

Do not get overstressed or think that it is weird.
Sure it is weird for some, so is soaking your body in chocolate or bathing in milk.
I think Marilyn Munroe did that.
She stood over an exhaust grate in NY. and let her skirt blow up exposing her legs.
Now what could be more weird than that. :)

I'd think Beverly's got the best advice. It's easy to overthink things and consider too much 'what if's' and you end up spending more time thinking about stuff that's not really an issue and worrying.
Yeah it's unique, it's not an advertised "thing", and it's easy to see him being cautious due to "wierdness" and secrecy.
Just live for the day and keep good communication flowing between you both. That way both will be kept in the know of what each other feels and can deal with any insecurities right away (I think that having to be so secret in life breeds a lot of insecurities in the closeted CDer more so than others-and for how long he's done it, it's probably a lot to work thru on his side as well).

But enjoy each other's uniqueness.. :) It's a rarity to find a good match. (heck even among "normal" couples ...whatever normal is. :D)

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Originally Posted by Elkeliini

this was... weird... right? <snip>that I am embracing it for all the wrong reasons and it will come hunting me. :eek:

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Everybody is weird. The only normal people are the ones we don't know. I prefer to simply refer to it as 'uncommon'. Just like being seven feet tall, there are less of them than there are crossdressers.
I've know several bisexual women, and what they liked changed with the person who they were with at the time. I suppose you might find that as well. Kind of like being in an ice cream store, liking a lot of things, but finding certain preferences on any given day. Enjoy your new BF/GF! There are lots of benefits to it, most of us understand and accept all the little female things that 'normal' guys find annoying.

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Originally Posted by Elkeliini

but this was... weird... right?

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Weird? No more than the fact that he is a CD. See my sig for my GF's attitude on weird.

You're Bi, so less surprise there.......

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Originally Posted by Elkeliini

It took me 2.5 years of constant reassuring I really really want him and he fought back for 2.5 years. We have other factors working against us, such as our massive age difference, but no doubt his CD made him hesitate even more.

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Huh, I was going to say that our situations are not that dissimilar, but then you say this, we're 18 years apart. Of course it's not the same, she was the one that was hesitant, although that was not her first concern, she had been through a string of relationships that hadn't worked for other reasons, and wasn't sure it was worth the effort. So we were friends, first, and when I told her, it helped. The fact that I was prepared to risk it all and the fact that I thought that honesty was that important, yeah, definitely a point in my favour. Oddly enough, the simple fact of my CD was one of those "Yeah? Oh, OK" things, she has an understanding about gender, physical form, attraction, gender roles, etc, having nothing to do with each other which is a great help.

So, no, I don't think you need to worry about it because you accepted so readily. No guarantees, but don't sweat it just because of that.

One thing I've said before though. Now, for the first time, he can talk about it, he can be himself with someone. In being himself, being relaxed, (that may take a while) he can actually find himself (and/or herself) This is good, but nobody knows where it will go. My advice is to be as open as possible, and try and deal honestly with each other, and yourselves. When you find out who everyone is, you can find out if they both still want to be together. If they do, great, if they don't, well, that's life. Nobody's fault, try to stay friends at least, having gone through that, it can at least be the basis for a very strong friendship.

My bet is it can be good. Good luck, and welcome. Looking forward to hearing more, from you and your new boyfriend/girlfriend. Please note, this does not mean that you now have a new girlfriend, at least not necessarily in that way.

Your reaction is not weird at all! I, too, am bisexual and am very attracted to Nadine when she presents as a man and as a woman. It just makes sense to me that if I am attracted to both men and women that I would attracted to the woman and man that is my spouse. Enjoy and don't let other spoil the fun for you both! :)