confused....

hey everyone, just wondered if anyone else has this issue, bare in mind im bipolar so that may add to it, when i want to be fem thats all i want to do, when i want to be more male then i hate my fem side, i cannot for the life of me find happiness in the middle, i like being a guy, yet i wanna be a girl grrrrrrrrr does anyone else run into the these issues?


thanks for al your replies :)

I don't have that issue...... I can blend femininity and masculinity together in what ever proportion I see fitting....

i think alot of the issues that bother me are guilt for dressing up.....

I shed all guilt a couple decades ago.... once you do that everything changes for the better...

yea the guilt is not doing me any good, all i know is i wanna dress up,when i try to deny it it always comes back.....

Since everyone is a unique individual, there is no "one size fits all" answer my friend. The best thing I have found is to get to know myself well and proceed from there. :)

and it always will come back so just except the fact without question and move forward.... you don't need to know why or justify it to yourself or anyone else....

thanks kate :)

thanks karen :)

Finding equilibrium is sometimes challenging and can also me a moving goal (what's comfortable one day may not be the next). I personally just try to remind myself that my desires come from within and try not to separate my feminine and masculine sides they're equallly me and the desires they produce shouldn't be judged, especially by me....i'll let society do that!

Lisa,
I think your severe desire may have something to do with your condition.
One person I know has severe desires to do something one time and later does not want anything to do with the situation.

it does play a part at times :)

I too, feel the guilt from time to time. Hence the purges! All the money I've wasted on clothes, makeup etc. and then to say "This is not right, and I have to stop and be a mans man" and then throw away hundreds if not thousands of dollars in all my girl things. It makes me sad to think that I have just accepted that it's not right to crossdress and somehow I'm a bad person because of it. I'm not a bad person. I give generously of myself and of my money. I care about people. I have a feminine side and I will express it if I want - albeit in the privacy of my home! I'm not hurting anyone by privately being who the other side of me is. I guess it depends on your situation. If you're married and your wife doesn't know - as is my case - you have to make a decision... Can I just enjoy my feminine side on my own private time or do I have this overwhelming desire to come out. That's your call. I prefer to keep it my little secret, as I know...or suspect..that my wife would so vehemetly disapprove that it's not worth the risk of losing my marriage. We're all different my dear..and with different situations.
I would say that you shouldn't feel guilty or "unusual". We are all the same here and there are so many of us that deal with these issues. Just keep everything in perspective and put it all where it needs to be. Public and private. If, however, you find yourself desperately wanting to go a different direction with your gender change, it's up to you to be honest with your partner and take the consequences as they come. You owe it to that person. If it's just private "girl time", well you have a responsibility to keep it private and not rock the boat. We all have secrets, but the ones that are the most damaging are the secrets that take us outside of our responsibility and commitments to others. If you can enjoy your time as your feminine self without damaging your relationships with others, you'll be fine.

im divorced with one son, when i was married she knew i wore her panties hahahha she didnt care.....but im divorced many years my son is 21 i really dont want him to know, im bipolar thats enough, then again im sure he could accept the crossdressing, i do have a girlfreind kinda and she is not into but is starting to get more accepting of it now.....many purges so much guilt, if i was younger without a kid i would go the transexual route, but at 47 cd is best i can hope for, then again its not enough and at times to much.....it comes down to just accepting myself cause it is not going away, if i purge again, a day later i will be like what the heck did i do that for grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i really cant thank all you ladies for helping me out with this, it means alot and makes me feel better bout the fem me :)

Hello lisagurl,
Not only do I have bipolar, but I deal with anxiety and depression. Being bipolar I know that our emotions are volatile as we go through ups and downs. This in itself can play a role in how you feel especially when you have the feeling of guilt and shame for CDing and to be a girl. How do these opposites of wanting to only be girl and being a guy and hating fem.? Do you see a therapist? They can really help you along your journey.

The journey of acceptance can be long, painful and expensive. Eventually, "enough" (which varies individually) combined pain, experience and insight bring us home to what is true and works for us. Good luck.

Kate

i have anxiety and depression as well, havent been in therepy in years, been dressing since i was little, although dressing up was never talked of in the past in therepy, i am the kind of a person who always went to extremes there was no middle, i went from being a hippie person to a hardcore punk rocker way back when.....the dressing makes me feel good, then the rush does down and i dont wanna do it, but what makes me stop is not being able to take it further, whatever that means.....i do hope to get back to therepy.....for now though when the urge passes ill just not do it, no more purging...

its been a long strange trip already :)

You can always flip a coin.:)

They tell me I'm normal BTW. lol.

hehehehe i like that idea :)

Hello Lisagurl - your bipolar disorder could well be a contributing factor, and one way to check on that is to journal things and see how your extreme needs co-incide or not with your bipolar swings as the phases change.

As for therapy, I guess you will be on medication normally, but while that helps with the symptoms, a good CBT therapist can help you with the thought process related to them.

Best wishes,
Amanda

You are right, it doesn't go away so deal with it. You are one person and not two. I struggled with being in the middle all my life until I just accepted who I am.

i take meds for some time now, i think its just accepting my fem feelings when they are there that i need to do :)