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How do you guys approach them? Are you pre-T, pre-op? Have you ever been rejected after you told them you were trans? I'm in a situation where I'm very closeted (job) so at most I look like a lesbian but I don't identify as one so I'm really not into them. Anyway, any tips for a shy guy?
My ex girlfriend approached me, but I guess that might be because I looked relatively androgynous (luckily!) had a male name, was living full time etc etc etc. Also because we met on a site for trans people, she was open-minded about it all, but I know someone who is at the same stage as me (pre-op but only just started T) who met his ex girlfriend on a night out, and he said to me he didn't tell her at first but when he finally did she didn't care, she loved him for him and didn't hate him from what he was leaving behind, she respected him more.
When it comes to dating people, I’m shy too, other than that, I’m not shy. As most of you guys have already noticed, but I guess when it's something intimate that's involved it's a lot different.
I guess all I can say is: take that next step and start going part-time living as male. If you go out on a night out, somewhere that no one knows you, then you might meet a lass that's going to take you as male. Introduce yourself as your chosen male name, and when you are comfortable, tell her what is happening. You will need help and support to come out and go full time if that is what you want, you know you can get all that here but it's always best to have someone close to you, where you live, so maybe tell the most trusted friend, and see what happens. I know it's scary, I’ve been there, but I guess it's the only way I can see that is going to change things.
I came out at 17ish. I was known as "an attractive female" which really annoyed me, so when I cut my hair off and dressed masculine, I didn't look like a lesbian, I looked like a very young boy (got asked for ID to buy cigarette papers, sickening! Lol) but as I matured, I have started to look more like a lesbian, but I am thankful that I have now started T, it has calmed me down a lot even though it has only been a matter of days, it's the weight being taken off my shoulders.
Because I always introduce myself to friends now as Adrian, I get no questions, they take me how they have always known me, but even my old school friends call me Adrian now and have ‘forgotten’ about that other person they knew, and are now getting to know me as me now and not as someone else!
Once you start the ball rolling you'll find yourself with extra confidence. I wish you the best of luck, if you need someone to chat to, PM me your email address and we can chat things over.
Take care!
Ady.
Well.. I'm not sure if it'll help (I'm not FtM) however I have been rejected a couple times after someone found out I am transsexual. Never in a harsh way (possibly because I look so feminine naturally) more in a "You're a girl, just one I could never date.." way. Which I guess could essentially be more painful than a flat-out discriminatory rejection since it makes me feel like maybe there's something wrong with me that I'd never really recognized as how I feel.
As for you though, I think probably living full-time and taking further steps in transition would really help. I personally am very open minded, and it wouldn't bother me one bit, however I can't speak for someone who may not understand what it's like or about. You just need to find someone who's interested in you for you. Seeing that you're a shy guy, I know how hard that can be. I am VERY shy and never approach people first (often not even for platonic conversation.. lol) I rely more on talking to people online than in person, as sad as that may sound.. I just am awkward socially in person. You could maybe try the same if you have the same problem.. Meeting people online first, I mean.