when I first told my girlfrend about my CD she totally freaked out and obviously asked me lots of quiestions but eventually she accepted the idea an now she has no problem with it so thaths my story whats yours?
Printable View
when I first told my girlfrend about my CD she totally freaked out and obviously asked me lots of quiestions but eventually she accepted the idea an now she has no problem with it so thaths my story whats yours?
She was there when I first started with, so there wasn't really that big of a shock factor. Now she's more or less supporting me all the way through.
My partner told me about his dressing over a meal on our second date. It was certainly an interesting meal! We had been talking online for awhile and I was already pretty smitten with him as he truly is the most wonderful person I know, so I thought "It would be silly to let this one out of my life"
Here we are over a year later and still ultra happy. I did ask a lot of questions in the beginning and occasionally I've cried over a few insecurities it roused in me, but that's really nothing compared to the laughs and love we share. :daydreaming:
I hid it from my wife, out of fear of losing her, stupidly thinking that I could keep this part of me from her. Slowly over the years, the truth of it leaked out, and I eventually disclosed everything to her in a lengthy letter, which I found shredded a few days later. For many years, we spoke of it only a little, or not at all. So now, while she is aware of my crossdressing, she is not at all happy about it. But while she doesn't like it, she also does not allow it to govern her feelings towards me or our relationship. And while I dearly wish she were more accepting and supportive, I understand her desire to not have this as a part of her life. So I engage in my crossdressing activities when she's not around, and try to be the very best husband to her I can be when she is around.
When I was engaged we were looking to buy a house. I knew I had to tell her before we bought our house. There were several times I really wanted to tell her. It was right there on the tip of my tongue and then I would stop and think about what I was going to say. It sounded so stupid in my head when I would think about it. I couldn't get it out.
Finally one day she asked me about a pair of panties she found in my closet. At that point I knew this was the time to say it. So I told her they were mine, and that I liked to dress.
At first she freaked out, cried, didn't know what to do. The next day I went to work, she went to a book store and read about crossdressing, cried more, and came up with a list of questions for me. She came back the next night and we went through her list of questions. She felt better about it, but she was worried that she could come home one day and I would be dressed and she wouldn't know how to react. I told her I would never dress without her knowing so that situation wouldn't come about. She also wanted to see all my clothes, so I showed her everything I had. A while went by and when we would talk on the phone she was totally ok with my dressing, but when we were togeather she wasn't sure about it, we both noticed that and talked about that.
Eventually she wanted to see pictures of me dressed. A while after that she wanted to see me dressed. At that point she said it was no big deal, it's just me in different clothes. As time went on she started to be more and more ok with it. Now she likes it, I never go out dressed without her. If I'm not wearing some article of womans clothing she gives me a dissapointed look, I try not to let that happen though.
I have a great success story.
I had been in the dark depths of the closet since age 12, and thought I would never ever emerge. About this time last year I knew something had to give so started to do some research. I found this site (and a couple of others) which were very good and informative and began to read quite voraciously.
I fessed up to the wife late last year, and answered every question as honestly as I could at the time - and directed her to a couple of very informative websites to read at her leisure.
It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride since then as she gets used to the idea, but she's smart enough to know it ain't going away.......we both just have to get used to the idea. Bear in mind that a lot is new to me too, I only discovered what the magic of hair and make up could do for me last year.
The one thing that made the process easier was open communication when she needed to talk. I had to understand that the biggest thing was not my CDing, but the deceit over the years, hiding in the closet.
We discussed boundaries, as in OK, if you must do this and go out, please stay away from these places, limit it to these times, and let me know what you're doing. All these boundaries are absolutely fine by me :)
At the present, things are better than I could have ever dreamed of. My wife still can't be encouraging, or participative - there won't be any shopping trips or functions together, but Tash has the freedom to find her way in the big world now :daydreaming:.
Life is great :)
Tash
When my wife and I were dating, we were going to college together, (after graduating high-school together) and it was a 4 hour drive each way to campus from our home town.
We came home every weekend on Friday afternoons, and drove back up to school Sunday nights, 4 hours each way.
Just the pair of us... alone in the car on wintery mountain roads... for 8+ hours per week... for 4 years. Plenty of time to 'discuss' things. I told her one night driving to school, while trying to keep that crappy old Ford from sliding into a snow bank.
First I told her there was something about me she might not like once I told her, and she thought the worst (she said she was expecting something involving a gore fetish or an uncontrollable urge to rape and murder people.)
She nagged me to tell her what it was, and then sighed relief when I did, somewhere along I-70, some night long ago. Within two weeks we were shopping thrift stores. ;)
We've been together for about 17 years, married for 10, and she's known since probably sophomore year in college, 6 years before we were married.
I told my girlfriend about it through a letter when i was in prison this past year. just got released in june and weve been shopping together and everything still havent gone out in public dressed tho... will soon :)
Hats off to the GG s who support, my 2nd wife is very very supportive, and i offer accolades to all of you S>O> who are also luv support..kiskis:love:Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitch
I still cant bring myself to telling my wife. I had started a discusion about cross dressing with her to get her reaction. she said she would leave me if I did it.... so I am still in the closet.
I hinted at it to my wife when we were first dating, then revealed it explicitly about 12 years ago after we'd been married for several years. She wasn't able to deal with it at that time and I went back in the closet until a little over a year ago. She is understanding now and supportive and we're both, I think, exploring the parameters. My panties are in my underwear drawer openly, and my 2 nightgowns hang in my closet. I sleep in a nightgown with her as the mood strikes me. I wore a dress, shoes, panties, bra with breast forms, painted toenails and lipstick in front of her for the first time last weekend and she was completely approving. Yesterday, she told me to help myself to her stash of nail polish! She has had some concerns, which I've addressed honestly. The biggest one being did I want to become a woman, with the answer being no. With each step we take, I try to back off a little to give her time to adjust. So I haven't dressed in her presence at all for a few days now, even though I've had the desire to, although I'm sure I will again soon. I'm kind of hoping I can refrain until she might suggest that I do so. That would be both a big turn-on and a big sign of acceptance to me.
Long post alert! :)
When I was dating my wife, I told her I had been wearing pantyhose since I was 5, and that I liked it and there was nothing to be worried about. She just smiled and said that she was glad I was truthful with her, and she finally knew why I always asked her to wear hose. She asked me if I liked wearing anything else, and I got scared and said no. That was a bad mistake, and I hate being dishonest, but I was terrified of what she would say.
Skip ahead to 9 months later, and it was time to think about Halloween costumes for a friend's party. I told her I wanted to go as Sarah Palin (she knew that I had gone as Britney Spears a few years earlier, but didn't really think anything of it). The party was fun, and although she wasn't thrilled about doing my makeup, she did it and we had a great time. A few days later she asked me what I was going to do with the clothes I had bought for the costume, and I said that I would probably keep them, because I really enjoyed wearing everything that night. So it was at this point where she asked if there was something she should know about, and that is when I told her I was a crossdresser, and that I really liked wearing girls clothes. She started tearing up, and I told her that if there were any fears or questions that she had that I would be open to telling her anything. It was kind of awkward, we talked forever, but she was very appreciative that I was coming clean.
A few months went by and I had no desire whatsoever to dress. I had told her what clothes I did have, and where they were. I wasn't comfortable with putting dresses and tops in the closet that we share, so everything was in a giant suitcase. (Back then, I only had a few items that weren't lingerie). We talked often about why I liked to CD and what it meant to me, and although I wasn't dressing around her, she was starting to get more supportive of me. She knows that I dress fully when she's not around. Since things are progressing for me and I'm trying to be more feminine than before about my dressing/makeup/hair, I told her to let me know when she's on her way home, so I can change. She is open to seeing me somewhat dressed, but I am in no way ready to rush things. We go shopping from time to time together, and I'll pick out outfits that I like and she'll give me her opinion as to whether or not it would "work" on me or not. The other day she went into a vintage store and almost bought a dress for me (even though I was at home) but didn't because she wasn't sure if it was the right size. The thought of that blew me away.
At this point in our relationship, we are taking things slowly. I'd like to think I'm in a great place, both for myself and for my wife. I would love to get to the point where we go out together dressed to the nines, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. I can hope though!
and after 3 years of dating I had decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful woman I had ever met. But I had never told anyone else about my CD'ing and for the first time in my life had been somewhat free to do it whenever I wanted and didn't want to hide anything from her. So one night after dinner we went for a walk during which I told her I had something very important to tell her. She became very anxious and I was scared to death but went ahead with it and just blurted out that I liked to crossdress and had for sometime. She asked ALOT of questions and researched the subject via books and the internet. A few days later she came over to the house and wanted to help me with my makeup (which I was just learning to do). She began teaching me about makeup, skin care, how to walk in heels, and we've had the best talks about how women relate to one another. About 2 months after telling her I asked her to marry me and she readily agreed. I told her I wanted her to know everything about me before we were married and she had been the most amazing and supportive woman. I found out that when I thought I couldn't love her anymore, I turn around and prove myself wrong.
After eight years of marriage, I shared everything (and I mean everything) with my SO. The dumbest thing I've ever done was not telling her ten years before when we were still dating and I desperately wanted to share that part of me with her. She was not only okay with it, she was turned on by the honesty (not so much the skirt), even though I had kept it secret so long. She was very sympathetic to the fact that I had kept this part of me secret for so long, having gone through childhood and my adult life with no one to talk with about it. Instead of letting her be a partner to me, I had senselessly carried around a lot of issues and pointless guilt. I know that doesn't work out for a lot of folks, but in my situation, I've been blessed with a wonderful woman who loves me for me.
I told my wife about 2 years into marriage. We have always been open with each other about sexual fantasies, and she had known for sometime that one of my biggest fantasies was being a woman. It started with asking to wear her panties, which she gladly obliged. She even bought me some nice lingerie as gifts for certain occasions.
For some reason, the hardest part was telling her about my female name. This came a couple of years later. But now in private she sometimes calls me Melanie, and it's such a huge turn-on for me. I'm so grateful to have a wife like her. (And she says she's happy to have a wife like me.)
I put off telling people for years, hoping that it was just a phase, or something I could keep hidden and sort of live a dual life. I told my mom and best friend first. My friend was totally cool with it and just had a few questions, he was really curious as was his wife. My mom kind of had a idea about me and went through a very brief period of trying to tell me of how difficult life would be and said some things that hurt me but she didnt do to be mean and I dont think she even realised what she said. She offered to help me in anyway and eventually asked if I wanted to move in with her for a while as she knew I would need all the support I could get. What really sort of surprised me was when she told me that she told her Boyfriend because he was moving in with her and had the right to know, he was absolutely ok with it and to my surprise was actually the one who suggested I to my mom tht I move in with her. She told my sister and brother who in turn told some other people...anyway there is some tension as my brother in law and to some extent my sister think Iam a freak and a danger to their children. My brother just likes to crack jokes, but...as I told my mom before I moved, this sort of thing really brings out the true nature of an individual. All in all it was the best thing I ever did, I am no longer afraid of being who I am and I have the love and support of the people in my life who truly matter.
From June 2007:
...so it's been a bit over 2 days now since I told my SO about my crossdressing. At first it was met with shock and some hesitation, concern and suspicion, it was followed by 48 hours of somewhat uncomfortable silence. I knew I would not be the first to mention it again and I must allow her the time to let it sink in and understand the things I told her.
Today tho, it came up in passing while we were discussing other aspects of our daily lives. It was nice to not have this weight to carry anymore, and to be able to not feel "guilty" or "wrong" or "simply disgusting" when it was mentioned, which did leave me with a sense that perhaps we can work through any issues that might arise because of my crossdressing, or at least come to an agreement that would limit any individual discomfort that either of us may find ourselves coming into whenever a more in-depth discussion blossoms. Another aspect that reminds me how wonderful she is.
I cannot thank you all enough for giving me the strength over the last few weeks to have made the decision to come out. It was something I have feared for 30 years, something I had hoped for, and yet something I had never expected to be able to do. I had always simply expected to be "caught" after forgetting to 'clean up' properly or even more horrific, to be found en femme and resigned myself long ago to that expected fate. Telling my SO was the only real choice... and it was only because of everyone here, that I was able to find my 'voice'.....
Thank you so very much for your words of support and encouragement,... you made all the difference in the world for me.
and then from June 2008:
What is progress?
(sorry for the rambling nonsense of this)
Okay, so as some of you may know from my recent posts, things kinda came to a screeching halt for me over here 2 weeks ago when my wife didn't take to well to the fact that I'd gotten rid of my leg hair. It was a mild interaction by anyones definition; basically "You shaved your legs? Where does this end? I'm freaked out about this. I always wanted you to be more manly and you keep going in the opposite direction."
My end of the conversation was something along the lines of a weak apology like "well I didn't mean to freak you out." and then we had two weeks of non-interaction while I withdrew, did the major reactionary haircut thing which I so regret, took to wearing sweats at night to avoid bringing attention to my bald legs and I spent the time wondering where I fit again while we both avoided any talk of this.
Well, she did bring it up again this morning, and in my recent introspection, decided to actively choose to not engage her in any TG/CD-related chat, but she opened up with "Are we doing okay as a couple?" so that was too generic for me to push aside.
She was concerned that I was angry at her for her stance on my legs hair and felt the recent compartmentalizing of my emotions and physical expressions were an indication that I was unhappy with "us". So okay, the topic was in front of us again and within this context, I couldn't just say "Don't worry, we don't have to talk about this anymore ever again." so all I could say was "We're fine."
She continued to try to express whatever underlying emotions that scene two weeks ago had awoken in her tho I didn't really need her explanation since I knew. It all comes down to my promise when I first told her about this, that I wouldn't do anything to "freak her out" and plain and simply, I broke that promise. With her, it's all about what she can imagine and by seeing my hairless legs, it made it easier for her to imagine "the man in a dress that I'm stuck married to".
So although I wasn't able to brush the topic aside as I wanted to, I didn't fully engage her in it. When she asked if I needed more time for myself at home, all I could say was "no", with no mention that I'd already packed up all my things, stored them away and had no plans to take them out again. I did tell her that, in response to needing more time, I'm working on needing less time and she acknowledged that's not something that will, in the long run, do wonders for my regular stress level and I agreed.
From the time I told her about this side of me until a few weeks ago, I'd been a minor champion to the idea of telling our spouses. When a thread would come up by someone telling about their situation and wondering if they should approach the subject with their SO, I tended to do the quick "Oh yes, it's good to be open" response and let them hope for the best. Of course, this was based on what I projected was a positive outcome of my own coming out. In hindsight, I was naturally incorrect in my suggestion.
Telling my wife, in context with everything that has happened over the last 11 months for me, has really only accomplished one thing. I hoped it would ease my stress about this part of my "secret" life"; I thought she would not feel any different about me over time; I thought I could someday just be me without adversely affecting those around me. I always had dreams of what it would be like to be Jenn in more than just minute (or hourly) increments. I was never able to see the whole picture, how I would handle kids/family reaction or friends or being "out and about". That was way too far off on the horizon cos heck, I was just beginning this by telling my wife.
The only thing that I did accomplish was I transferred my fear of being "caught" to my wife. I no longer worry about it. If my family found out, so what. If my coworkers found out, so what. People online who don't know me found out and look: I actually interact with them verbally and the world didn't come to an end! Geez, I've even posted my boy photo online alongside my avatar here (even if it was only for a day)... I mean, I learned this last year to accept myself even more than I have in the previous 40 years. Of course, that comfort level comes with a price and for me, it appears it cannot sustain itself alongside a working family relationship. Now, she worries if our families and friends know.
I do understand that my wife is trying to hold it together, and that it is a lifelong effort for her to keep herself from running away screaming. She had enough to deal with prior to me throwing this at her and I do thank her for not disappearing right when I told her... but I do blame myself for 1) not telling her once we started our relationship and 2) telling her 12 years later.
So what is progress? Looking back, I don't feel I've done anything except unload my own life-baggage onto her and manage to free myself of it after all these years. Seems quite selfish to me when I look at it that way, and I suppose there's a large part of her that feels the same way about it too.
first time I clued her in - I kind of hiked up my pant leg, showed her my hose underneath. She freaked out.
Months later when I had went full force with CD'ing, when I told her "Well, I wear more than just hose" she wasn't so batty about it, but I had told her I didn't want her freaking out and all that.
When I told my girlfriend about a month after joining this forum, I was very surprised by how little it fazed her. It was not the case that she suspected or anything, but somehow she just took it all in her stride.
She had recently seen a picture of me dressed as a school girl. I told her that that was not my only female outfit and that I wore them quite often.
She ofcourse had some questions, which I answered honestly. She asked if she could see some photos of me dressed. She was very complimentary.
It was also her idea for her to help me dress, and do makeup.
All in all it was a really positive experience for both of us.