what am i really doing here...? (long post)

spuh...

I really don't know what to make of all that, but I just wanted to give you a :bh: and let you know we're all here for you :hugs:

I always say to my kids when they're trying to cope with too much, take one problem at a time and deal with that one first, not deal with everything in one go, which is what you're doing by the sounds of it :sad:

You know, life isn't all about how you dress, your preference, or who you sleep with, or 3 or 4 people loving yet hating each other, and all feeling trapped with each other.

If I was in your situation, I'd probably spend the next few months planning on breaking out on my own, in a whole new setting, with all new people, and focus on finding myself outside the influence of all these lingering, toxic relationships and routines.

You want to develop yourself, not stay in an extended period of extended teen-hood until you're 45. It seems secure and the less fearful option, but it's a rut only you can break yourself out of. I think you'll find it's going to be better for you and all around you. Look at it as an adventure.

I think you need to really think about what you are doing and what you really want. Why not start a blog where can spill out your feelings? That way you think about them deeply. Remember that our there life is fun so try to enjoy it. All the girls here will help you - oh, and try to get out occasionally, have a dress up and a blast. Good luck.

You have a lot to deal with reading your story

All you can do is try and solve one problem at a time

Try to fix the ones you find easiest first

We will all try to help where we can with advice :hugs:

Your twenty-two! Your life is screwed up! You don't know what to do! Have I pretty much pared it down to The Basics? That's what everyone is trying to figure out, your story is a bit (actually a lot, but I'm trying to be nice) convoluted.

Three suggestions, (God, I feel like Dear Abby.) 1.)Get some crisis intervention counseling. Right now your so mixed up that you have become almost non-functional. 2.) Investigate going back to school or entering The Service. Both rational ideas for someone your age. 3.) Do something! Quit blaming The Problems on someone, or something else and get going! Clean up your messes, apologize, try to make amends, and quit being stupid.

Your young, life is all about choices. Your going to make a lot of mistakes with those choices, and how you will be measured will be based on how you deal with bad choices and failure. First thing to do is LEARN from mistakes and DON'T Repeat those same mistakes over and over again.

Oh, I almost forgot. Try, and it's tough when your twenty-two, to stop being melodramatic! Even if your transgendered self wants to be a Drama Queen, try to avoid it. Others find that style to be "off-putting." You typically won't get a lot of help from folks, if your behavior aggravates them.

What are you waiting for? You need to do a lot of work! Forget the tears, forget the melodrama, do it! You can come back here later, and hear more opinions from us not living your life. Good luck.

Peace and Love, Joanie

I think you have a lot of soul searching to do, and you have a lot of work to do on accepting you as you. There's some things about you that can change. You can't change your eye color. You can change what you decide to eat for dinner today. In between those extremes are a whole host of things that need understanding on your part.

As to your six year long always on the rocks love of your life relationship...

I was in a constantly on the rocks relationship for five years, give or take. I too cheated. So did she. At the time, I couldn't imagine breaking up with her, couldn't imagine not being with her. For much of the five years, it would have been a crushing blow to lose her.

I look back now, and I'm incredibly thankful and glad she is no longer in my life. I agree with Wen4cd; clear the slate, spend some time with just yourself and not dating anyone, figure out who you are, and start moving forward in life. I also agree with sterling12; you're very confused, and so heavily conflicted you've become almost non-functional.

And stop feeling guilty about who you are, and stop treating your gender issues as something to be terrified of, guilty of, a second, psychotic personality, etc. Putting on a pair of pantyhose or any toher kind of crossdressing doesn't turn you into a child molester, a wife beater, an alcoholic, etc. I've been crossdressing for 35 years, and I've worn pantyhose more than probably most women have. I have yet to molest any children, beat my wife, become an alcoholic, or any other negative thing.

spuh's...