My epiphany

So often I have gone back and forth on my desire to crossdress. I have often come to sites like this for support and discussion, and so often I am told and read that crossdressing is who I am, and unhappiness comes if I don't live as who I am. Recenly, though, I had a though, a feeling, that who I am isn't necessarily who I want to be. I hate the crossdressing side of me, I hate that it is such a strong urge, on the verge of an addiction, and I realized, people can change. Instead of just being 'who I am' I can choose to become who I want to be, and who I want to be isn't a crossdresser. It's a father and a husband, and the father and husband can't live in the same body as a crossdresser. I'm sure I'm going to get a dozen responses telling me I'll eventually bread down and revert to crossdressing, and that may happen, but it may not...I may be able to change who I am, change my heart, and change what I want out of this life. It used to be that everytime I had a spare moment I would think about what I could do to get my 'fix', but latley that has changed and I look for different joy in life. It's been 6 months now without a breakdown...not to say there hasn't been temptation. I think there always will be but I really think I can become someone different, and in my eyes, someone better. You can change who you are. We are all born as carnal beings, and it is up to us to become who we want to be, and who we need to be. Who I want and need to be isn't this.

This is a great season for epiphanies, and I hope that yours is fulfilling and expressive of all the things you want it to be. Be great!

Hi there

I am so glad you seem to have your life going in the direction

I am also glad to hear you recognise the fact you could slip into your old ways

Good luck with your continued efforts :hugs:

i wish you the best and who knows, you may succeed. may i suggest you reconsider the idea that by not giving in to crossdressing that you will be a 'better person'. that could lead to a lot of issues if things dont work out. perhaps consider it a challenge to how strongly you can exert your willpower. you dont have to label a behavior bad to seek to change it, you just have to decide you want to challenge it and see how you do with that. be on guard that the decision to shut this off doesnt negatively creep into other parts of your life and manifest as a problem there. let us know how it goes for you.:)

I wish you all the best on your journey. After all we are so much more than labels and there are so many parts to us. We are husbands, fathers, brothers, friends, lovers, and yes crossdressers. Good luck in finding your balance.

My epiphany resulted in my embracing my female side and trying to balance the two sides of me so that even though I am still mainly in "guy mode" I try to get a bit of "girl time", even if it is only by wearing nail polish on my toes when the urge takes me, or helping my wife choose clothes on a shopping trip.

Even if yours is to "give up crossdressing" maybe you can channel some of the things you have learned into other areas of your life. For example, you may be more understanding of your SO or women friends, more tolerant of different people or groups, or whatever.

Kara

Primarily to choose him, but it covers all other aspects of life as well. You have made the choice for you, you believe it the right choice for you, so all we can do is support you in your choice, good luck friend. May it work out for you. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

The way it works for me, if I don't suppress it, it doesn't nag at me. I also tried to experience the things I always was too scared to try. Now, I can think about how I did it already and no need to repeat it. I am happy knowing I did it, instead of wishing I could do it. I still dress sometimes for fun and the desire is less though. I'm also a father and its not mutually exclusive, but the kid always comes first.

Excuse me, sweetie, but coming on a crossdressing site to say you've quit crossdressing sort of begs the question a bit, doesn't it?

If you wanna quit, stay away!

Stephie

"It's a father and a husband, and the father and husband can't live in the same body as a crossdresser."

Hmmmm....

I bet there are more than a few girls here who would disagree with that statement.

I would wish you luck in your quest, but I am not that mean. What I will happily do is wish you luck in coming to a fuller, more open, more fully actualized awareness of yourself.

to thine own self be true...but find a way to express your struggles in a safe way with your spouse or someone...using whatever words are safe for you but still express your inner turmoil...if you do not, then you will eat yourself up inside...be joyful in your journey....

Good Luck to you.

I remember a phrase I heard when I was young. A man never becomes successful until Sex is not the most important thing in his life. At the time, I thought it would never happen. As I have gotten older, I realize what this quote really meant. I was just too young to understand.

"It's a father and a husband, and the father and husband can't live in the same body as a crossdresser."
They CAN. Your choice of course. I'd recommend therapy to help figure out who you are & what you truly want.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by simpsonfan5

I hate the crossdressing side of me, I hate that it is such a strong urge, on the verge of an addiction, and I realized, people can change. Instead of just being 'who I am' I can choose to become who I want to be, and who I want to be isn't a crossdresser.

---

[SIZE="2"]I don't wish to be negative, but...:umbrella:

By all means do what you have to do, be who you want to be, and find something that makes you happy, but I have to tell you something…

I’m a bit disappointed (to put it as nicely as I can) that someone would go to all the trouble of becoming a member, place himself among a bunch of crossdressers, then say, “I don’t want to be a crossdresser.” Huh? Why did you bother coming here in the first place? I’m guessing you’ve cross-dressed a bit, and you didn’t know why, so you came here to find some answers, correct? If I were you, I would have my little epiphanies in private and withdraw quietly from the premises – that is the polite way to do it. Consider where you are for a moment, if you can pull yourself away from the Simpsons – this is a compassionate, supportive site for crossdressers and their families, and many of us come here just to feel good about ourselves from time to time. Suddenly you home into view, saying you hate your crossdressing “self,” dumping your self-serving negativity at our feet. I can’t speak for others around here, but, from my perspective, you’re raining on our precious parade of self-esteem and taking a chunk out of our happiness. Look around a bit – you may notice that happiness is in short supply around here at times. I’m glad you realize that “people can change,” because you would benefit by changing into a person who values people’s feelings other than your own. It’s called MANNERS – do youself a favor and look into it…

If you truly feel that crossdressing is an addiction, then I just know you’ll be back someday. I will welcome you then, but, meanwhile, don’t slam the door behind you too hard – it’s been nice not knowing you…[/SIZE]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fab Karen

"It's a father and a husband, and the father and husband can't live in the same body as a crossdresser."
They CAN. Your choice of course. I'd recommend therapy to help figure out who you are & what you truly want.

---

I was a bit confused by that myself, as I've been a husband for 11 years, a father for 9, and a crossdresser for 30. My wife says I am excellent at all three.

I'm also a librarian, cook, maintenance chief, writer, cartoonist, poet, sailor, plumber, painter, musician, caver, hiker, biker, seamstress, sculptor, costume designer, singer, photographer, race car driver, astronomer, model maker, boatbuilder, jewelry maker, gardener, animator, mechanic, ham radio operator, HVAC, archer, filmmaker, friend, lover, counselor, teacher, A+ 'puter tech, angler, camper, dishwasher....so on.

All in the same tired, aching body. I don't do carpentry or divide by zero, as even a small gust of wind may make me disappear.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by simpsonfan5

We are all born as carnal beings, and it is up to us to become who we want to be, and who we need to be. Who I want and need to be isn't this.

---

Hey, everyone's different! Look on the bright side: you went in this direction and you found out more about yourself. Maybe we on this forum are heplful, amybe not. But I do know this: there isn't a single person on earth that is perfect. I make lemonade when I have lemons.

As for me I'm enjoying this outlet, and I have no regrets. I already have a lot of outlets besides CD'ing , and I an a creative person, so I need all my channels.

I'm happy you found something in life but I'm saddened you came here to degrade us who are crossdresseers AND damn good parents...

Whoever and whatever that is! :thumbsup:

Since I'm over 60, I've gotten to know LOTS of, men-husbands-dads, quite well!

A LOT of them were CRAPPY at ALL 3 of those catagories! :sad:
And, in EVERY CASE, it had NOTHING to do with CDing!

Personally, I'd like to learn to fly by flapping my arms. At this point, I think I have a BETTER chance of accomplishing THAT, then giving up CDing!:brolleyes:

I believe Frederique said it very eloquently, not much I can add other than glad you feel above the rest of us.

Each one of us is unique and what may be perfect for one of us may be repugnant to another. It is important, though for us to accept ourselves for what we are. If someone is happy only when dressed 24/7 or is happy just with the thought of wearing a pair of panties itis their business. Do what you want to do, do what you are comfortable doing. Accept yourself and be tolerant of others.

As the great philosopher, Popeye, once said, "I yam what I yam."

I enjoy dressing too much to consider quitting. Being dressed en femme just gives me too much pleasure. I absolutely adore a knee lenth pencil skirt and blouse, but with colder weather I've taken to long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve cowl neck sweaters. Heels, panty hose, waist cincher and my 40C forms, daintily clad with a full slip and then a zippered skirt with blouse or sweater. What's not to love? How can you not feel sexy rolling hosiery up a pair of freshly shaved legs?

I understand, at least as well as someone my age can...I quit for over a year because my now ex girlfriend wasn't supportive. I got over the urges and felt fine with myself...however I did eventually come back to it and I've come to love and accept it.

I hope all the best for you though

Good luck, hope you find what you're looking for ;)