For Those Who Can't "Pass"

I read that statement a bunch in posts, "I can't pass" or "I dont have any hope of passing." Now i personally dont like the word passing and dont think many CDs even can "pass" but thats another post(I like to think of it personally as being accepted/ignored or let be a human in peace) However I guess my question is what makes people assume they cant pass. In most cases are we talking about body size, height or weight? Or is it that there are beard wearers galore who are unable to shave. Or are there a lot of manly looking men with chiseled jaws and aquiline noses and muscular bodies(sorry hope no drool on the screen). I guess this is just an informal poll, and sorry if this has already been done to death.

to me its a girl's state of mind weather she passes.

I think everyone who feels they can't pass should have a makeover by an expert. They seem to be able to do wonders and then see if you truly can't pass after they take a crack at you!

Bett

It would take more than a makeover. The amount of hair on my back and front and legs and arms would be quite a pile were I to shave it off. My wife would kill me. Plus, I'm 40 lbs overweight. I will be doing something after the holidays about the weight. It has started to impact my health.

AH, the Holy Grail for CD's and TS folks . Well, truth be told, most who say they "pass" or "pass easily" etc, don't really know if they did or not. What they really mean is that they blended in and there weren't apparent reactions to their gender presentation.

Do we "pass" ? No, not very often. Really. I know it is hearsey to suggest this, but ladies it is true. Can we blend in well enough to be accepted ? YES, without a doubt you can. Even if you have a very masculine body. It will take practice ( a LOT ) and it will take some makeup and clothing, etc etc...

Should it matter to us so much ? I do not think so, I'll take acceptance over "passing" anytime. Mostly because the former is so much easier to achieve than the later. There are people who due to their body shape and learned skills DO pass and often. They are rare though.

But, I think what Charlene says about passing is rite on! I'm NOT interested in aiming all my dressing efforts at creating a drab, blending creature. That may or MAY NOT, be recognized as male! I enjoy creating the looks for Sherry, that I imagine in my mind. I know she's all illusion, but isn't PASSING an illusion? One way or another? :eek:
To u girls that WISH to live as women, I respect u and your dressing efforts to the MAX! But, NOT EVERYONE that CDs, is interested in passing! :brolleyes:

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Originally Posted by CharleneT

AH, the Holy Grail for CD's and TS folks . Well, truth be told, most who say they "pass" or "pass easily" etc, don't really know if they did or not. What they really mean is that they blended in and there weren't apparent reactions to their gender presentation.

Do we "pass" ? No, not very often. Really. I know it is hearsey to suggest this, but ladies it is true. Can we blend in well enough to be accepted ? YES, without a doubt you can. Even if you have a very masculine body. It will take practice ( a LOT ) and it will take some makeup and clothing, etc etc...

Should it matter to us so much ? I do not think so, I'll take acceptance over "passing" anytime. Mostly because the former is so much easier to achieve than the later. There are people who due to their body shape and learned skills DO pass and often. They are rare though.

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Passing is subjective, the definition can be skewed to to fit anyone's circumstance. If you use passing in the literal sense...sadly most won't.

kelly

Do I crossdress? Yes.
Do I go out CD'd? Yes.
Do I pass? No.
Do I care? No.

If people treat me as my gender presentation then I pass whether or not they think I'm a GG. I guess it all depends on your definition of passing! Very few people actually confuse me for a GG but as long as they treat me respectfully I don't really care.

Our own views on how we look may not be reality. Like the anorexic that still tries to lose weight. Not to diminish a mental disorder. Just that the image in the mirror is sometimes what we want to see.
I believe I don't pass well because I reconize my own face, and think everyone else will also. Actually, with the right make up, I look just like my babiest sister. Only about 8" taller.

My goal when going out is not to get a date, although looks from a man would be a compliment. If I have my looks right, no one should notice me. But who am I kidding, as I man, I check out lots of women, just looking, of course. So, would I want to be looked at? Yes, but not paranoid about it.

If I saw myself, and didn't know it was me, I'd follow me around a bit just to watch me more. I'm a pretty good looking woman!
The one thing I'll never know is, are any of us girls being ignored because we pass well, or because, OMG, isthataguyinadress?
Conversely, are any glances or stares because we pass well, or because OMG! etc.

I'd like to have a video of myself walking about, standing, sitting, gestures, to get an idea of how I present myself to the world.

Merry Christmas, Terri

I think you have to work at passing.I do agree that its a matter of exceptance. to go out in public you have to work hard at it and just not in dressing and look its also attitude and actions.passing or not its a thing you have to spend many hrs refining.

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Originally Posted by CharleneT

AH, the [B][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Holy Grail for CD's and TS folks [/FONTShould it matter to us so much ? I do not think so, I'll take acceptance over "passing" anytime. Mostly because the former is so much easier to achieve than the later. There are people who due to their body shape and learned skills DO pass and often. They are rare though.

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My point exactly. You may feel that you don't pass (in the literal) so you tweek the definition to fit your comfort level. " You" ,used in the general rather than personal sense.... passing is over rated, only if you desire to,but for whatever reason you don't. I don't think that I ever heard someone who does pass say that "passing is over rated". :2c:

Kel

I differ a lot from most who identify as CD on this one. I love my skirts, dresses and heels, but have no interest in forms or wigs. If I ever have long hair it will because mine grew out :) I do like lipstick and nail polish but other than some earrings and perfume that's as done up as I get.

As for passing I am not worried about it or willing to invest the time and money it would take for me to meet another standard that seems at times almost as narrow as what a drab me is supposed to be.

I'll be happy with tolerance and the same basic level of decency any person deserves no matter what flavor they are; the same things I worked for while growing up and not meeting the male expectations fully long before I had an inkling of being a CD

To answer the original question, the two physical issues that I have with "passing" are my height (5'11") and my voice (described in an earlier post as Barry White meets Fran Dresher).

Now for a paid political announcement by the activist in me. Passing has the connotation of passing yourself off as someone you are not.
I used to think that if I walked out the door and someone recognized me as not being a woman I failed. Then I realized that "passing" and acceptance are not synonymous. I was failing because I was not embracing who I really am. We will never gain acceptance and rights as a group in this society if our personal goals are to silently and completely blend in.

I am not advocating wearing a giant neon sign that says crossdresser, transgendered, transexual or whatever label you desire to wear. I am simply saying that this whole discussion goes beyond looking the part. It is about having the confidence to go out and be you and accept who you are.
:hugs:

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Originally Posted by SuzanneBender

To answer the original question, the two physical issues that I have with "passing" are my height (5'11") and my voice (described in an earlier post as Barry White meets Fran Dresher).

Now for a paid political announcement by the activist in me. Passing has the connotation of passing yourself off as someone you are not.
I used to think that if I walked out the door and someone recognized me as not being a woman I failed. Then I realized that "passing" and acceptance are not synonymous. I was failing because I was not embracing who I really am. We will never gain acceptance and rights as a group in this society if our personal goals are to silently and completely blend in.

I am not advocating wearing a giant neon sign that says crossdresser, transgendered, transexual or whatever label you desire to wear. I am simply saying that this whole discussion goes beyond looking the part. It is about having the confidence to go out and be you and accept who you are.
:hugs:

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If you can pass, the politicos want you to wear that sign around your neck, how else will you be recognized as being in the fight?

What clocks me?

My height
My frame
My chin
Opening my mouth


I will be working on that last one and on movement. That said, I KNOW that I'll never be mistaken for a GG. That's ok. I just want to be Sophie. :)

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

If you can pass, the politicos want you to wear that sign around your neck, how else will you be recognized as being in the fight?

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Kelly you would definately need a sign to be recognized. However, my sign simply reads, "You couldn't tell? Duh".

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I don't think that I ever heard someone who does pass say that "passing is over rated". :2c:

Kel

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I think you just perfectly summed up the pass/no pass "controversy."

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Originally Posted by Sophie Lynne

What clocks me?

My height
My frame
My chin
Opening my mouth


I will be working on that last one and on movement. That said, I KNOW that I'll never be mistaken for a GG. That's ok. I just want to be Sophie. :)

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I would love to just dress just the way I want and just go out and be me.
Someday, maybe in a perfect world ............

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Originally Posted by irenetancd

I have difficulty in passing too. Most of the time, it was due to my tendency to dress and makeup too strongly. And when I open my mouth, that's it for me.
Anyway, I think we should not be too concern about passing or not. Most importantly is for us to enjoy the experience.

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Enjoying the experience might be great for you, and after you enjoy the experience you can change back into your drabs and just go on with your life without out people molesting you verbally, or visually. For some of us passing allows us to just live our lives without suffering the slings and arrows of those who would deny us......When in drab, you're just another man, why can't we be just another girl?:straightface:

I'll pass on this one........ but it's just like the three R's in school... The three P's of crossdressing. Panties... Pruging and Passing!!! :D

6'5", 285, beard I can't shave.



But I do have great legs!

To answer the OP's question, for me it's kinda broad shoulders, diamond-tipped facial hair (I always joke that the razor doesn't cut my hair...my hair cuts the razor), and lifelong asthma. What does asthma have to do with it? Well, over 26 years, the millions of coughs have shredded my vocal chords enough that I can't control my pitch solidly enough to maintain a female voice. :( Once when I was REALLY desperate to try and pass, I went through the drive-thru at Taco Bell as a woman and pretended to be mute. :P I still don't think it worked.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I'll pass on this one........ but it's just like the three R's in school... The three P's of crossdressing. Panties... Pruging and Passing!!! :D

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Karren.. you PASSED! :heehee:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I'll pass on this one........ but it's just like the three R's in school... The three P's of crossdressing. Panties... Pruging and Passing!!! :D

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I've done the first - not yet done the 2nd - stand no chance of the 3rd as soon as I open my mouth. :sad:

I don't know any GG's who sing Basso Profundo (i.e. 1 octave below the male bass voice). :eek:

That said, a street stallholder addressed me as "madam" for the whole time I was dealing with him today - perhaps he's a bit deaf :D

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Originally Posted by Jolene

I would love to just dress just the way I want and just go out and be me.

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I've been doing that for the majority of the last 3 days and have enjoyed it more than any other time in my whole life!
Sadly, I have no chance of going 24/7 in the foreseeable future passing or not :sad: