Lonely and Scared

Lately I've been feeling super sad and super lonely.
I have like zero friends pretty much. Zero transmen to talk to either.
I have my fiancee but I would really like my own guy friends. Call up and hang out or something. But its hard with her too. Cuz if i had friends then she'd be alone too. She recently started getting closer to my old high school friend but they arent quite hang out friends yet. And i had been hoping to be bff's with her boyfriend but they broke up a while ago.
I have the forum here. Duh. But i dont even have good friends here either. Its more of an open mike shout your reply kinda thing and i'm grateful for that cuz without this place i'd be sh*t!
I've been thinking about going to the ftm alliance meetings but idk i'm just scared. Theyre probably older anyway. Also my doctor changed from her place to the gay and lesbian center downtown.
Since i brought that up i'll kill two birds with one stone; i'm terrified of going to the gay and lesbian center. I'm afraid of being blown up, or kidnapped, or shot.. I have this fear of being shot its so hardcore. I hate going shopping with my mom at night cuz if i lose her i literally turn the corner and see her shot dead, or held hostage in my head. I am just so terrified of violence.

All i really want is a friend. I have asperger's so making friends isnt on my specialty list so since i was diagnosed i've been thinking that maybe its me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_2elQKdA_I

I think you're overreacting. Yeah you have to be careful going around at night, but I wouldn't worry too much about being accosted outside the LGBT center. Move in groups, stay to well-lit areas, and don't worry too much about it. Get somebody to go with you who'll help you go though with it. Probably once you've done it one time you'll be okay with doing it again. Also, learn how to throw a punch. If you know how to defend yourself, you won't be as afraid.

There's pretty violent world out there and you don't need me to tell you that. But you cannot live in fear. Don't leat fear control you. Control it.

As for friends, you're not the only one that feels lonely and that wishes to have some friends. I know what you mean this place is great to talk about what goes on in your life but, it will never ever replace someone in the flesh. Have you tried contacting people from this forum who might live in your area?

Ok. First times are not easy but try to go with to LGBT centers with someone. You'll solve nothing worrying, longing for, whining and regretting behind a monitor.

I understand why you feel kinda scared where you are living at. But you cannot go through life scared to do anything, when you do that you do not live your life, you just go through the motions and that sucks. :( I'm sure there are other FTM's that are around your age at those meetings. As for going to the doctor there are many people each day that go in there and come out just fine, so you have good chances that you'll be just fine. But its best to be careful, why not take your girl with you?