Ladies and gents, I have a question followed by an explanation!

When did you finally realise that something was definitely wrong with your body and decide to do something about it?

For me, I knew 100% something was wrong when I was a child…I acted out on my feelings very young…the exact reason I decided to do something about it was by going BACK to dressing as a female in my early teenage years…it was THAT that made me decide to get treatment, cause I COULDN’T cope! I couldn’t live like that, it’s was f*cked up!

Anyways, why am I asking you this?

I have known my partner for 15-16 years now, we grew up together. We lost contact when I reached 14 and was moved over 300 miles away [and I never had internet back then so it wasn’t easy!]. I thought over the years at how masculine she had acted, she was a LOT like I was. I wondered if she and I were the same. I wasn’t the only person who thought that about her many members of her family thought that way too.

However, today she had a talk with me and now alarm bells are ringing once more. She told me a lot of things which have been playing on her mind. She told me she felt she had to dress extra feminine for me, because she is my (girl)friend? It made her feel wrong. She said she feels more comfortable in men’s clothing. I knew this about her from the start, I didn’t expect her to dress up all extra feminine, but she felt it was her duty or something. Basically what has happened, she’s cracked…she knows if anyone is going to understand, it’s ME!

See though, I have thought this about her for a while but it’s not up to me to say anything! She told me she has dreams were she has a complete male body and it makes her so happy…she thinks about what her mother would have called her if she had been born male…she even told me she’s told her aunt a few years ago that she was the same as her male cousins…but not.

The weird thing is, I do not speak to her about exactly how I felt as a child, growing up, my dreams, my emotions…yet while she’s talking to me, she’s hitting the nail in the head every time…same sh*t I was thinking…

Though she did add that she hasn’t told me sooner because she felt I might accuse her of “copying” me [lol I laughed at that…] or that I would feel I was “encouraging” her to be masculine, confusing her. I told her this wasn’t the case at all, I could understand though because when I first told someone it was my mother’s MtF friend, and SHE had been accused of this by my family…of confusing me! When actually, she OPENED my eyes and gave me a name for what was wrong! What if that’s what I have done for her? I might have given her the name for her problem, if she even has one…

Most importantly, she asked me what she should do, I told her to speak to the doctor about a referral to a specialist, I would guide her in the right directions…but she said if she changed, would I stick by her as her partner…

…of course I would. He’d be my boyfriend?

It would be pretty sh*tty of me to reject him? After all, if ANYONE should understand, it is ME. How I’d have loved having someone who is going through or been through what I was about to go through, maybe I’d have got through less stressed? If this is what is going on with him? I’m gonna try and make things as smooth as possible for him cause I know how horrible it is… >=[

My own conclusion to this is, they are scared. They has seen FIRST hand how hard it is for me…and thinks it will be the same struggles for them. No, I told them if they were 100%, I’d do them lot of fighting for them cause “been there done that” aye? I’m not going to push them into it, I will go with their flow.

I’m scared for them. Really. Cause I know what’s they are letting themselves in for, but I can’t sit back and expect them to suffer because they feels it’s their duty to be the clichéd (girl)friend…I told them I am happy if they are…we’d always be friends if anything else! We’ve always been friends, always will!

So…guys…girls…what made you finally realise what was going on, and what made you decide to do something about it. What age were you?

My partner has just turned 19.

[Now I know how hard it is for partners on here to write in regards to pronouns of their [pre-transition ] partners…that was some struggle for me trying not to seem ignorant…cause if they are male, then I would use male pronouns but cause they are figuring out their next step I don’t wanna use male or female…f*ck.]

I’ll speak to them later again tonight.

I just thought I’d add in female pronouns to begin with so you know they’d be “female-to-male” if transition would take place.

I’m nervous and scared. I know what comes after the courage is built for transition…life has a way of sh*tting on you…God help them! =[

I started having body issues as a little kid, when I figured out how to tuck everything away at age 7 it was a very happy day.

I lived with it for another 30 years.

The pressure really started building a couple years ago. I was able to live by myself and started dressing every moment I was home. The body issues started coming to the forefront as I began to resent having to switch back before leaving home. I hated the way I felt when I was out and I was much happier at home.

I didn't go for help until I had made the decision to transition.

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Originally Posted by NiCo

So…guys…girls…what made you finally realise what was going on, and what made you decide to do something about it. What age were you?

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I was finally able to understand and articulate--and therefore properly react--at 20. But before then, for as far back as I can remember, I was still...awkward...? *is now stuck figuring out how to describe a labeling before the label was in use...freaking philosophy of history...*

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Originally Posted by NiCo

So…guys…girls…what made you finally realise what was going on, and what made you decide to do something about it. What age were you?

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I knew I was different from about the age of 8-9 and finally pieced together what that difference was when i was about 19...i didn't do anything about it until 2008 (age 30) when i got the courage to do so

Your friend is very lucky to have you by their side. Maybe they can take a look at this forum too, to help them figure things out a little better. I imagine it will be easier for them than it was for you, because they will have support. How wonderful that you made it clear you would be friends no matter what happens. :)

I'm still (at age 43) changing and learning about myself. I knew I was a bit of a tomboy since about 8 years old, but I never really noticed how boyish I am until I started reading this forum. In my early twenties I went through a phase where I tried to be butch, and in my late twenties I had a phase where I tried to be super girly. Now I'm comfortable just being "me," whatever that is. It took me a long time to understand that the rules are arbitrary and I don't really have to play by them. ;)

I knew something was different about me since, well, as far back as I can remember. I had the thought 'I want to be a boy' when I was 7 or 8, and it occurred to me that I could actually be trans when I was 17. Before that age, I had heard of trans people but didn't know that term could apply to me (had never seen or heard of ftms).

But, everyone progresses at their own pace; some people know when they're three, some people figure it out at 60. *shrug*

I knew there was something wrong with me by age 5 but only really knew with absolute certainty that I was born with the wrong body by the age of 7 & those thoughts never wavered or changed no matter how hard I tried to avoid it..But I didn't take any steps to transition until I hit 44 (that's when the dam broke), now I'm 49, and went 24/7 last year and so much happier for it.. :)

I knew from a very early age (at least as early as about 3 years old, possibly sooner) that *something* was very wrong, and I remember as a little kid telling the boys across the road that I used to hang out with that I was exactly the same as they are, just looked different (we got into a big stoush over it lol because they insisted that because I looked like a girl, I couldn't POSSIBLY be the same as they were). Anyway because I grew up in the environment I did, I didn't even know that it was possible to be anything but the girl everyone said I was, had never heard of or been exposed to trans people at all until my mid-teens and even then only very hushed whispers about someone's transition (the usual "they went overseas for a sex change all of a sudden" rubbish). It wasn't until I was almost 37 that I found out quite by accident that FtMs even existed and realised that this was what was "wrong" with me - until that point, I didn't have the frames of reference or the tools and means to articulate what it was.

I think whether or not someone can specifically say that they are a different gender to the one they were allocated at birth doesn't really matter - most of us are at least aware that *something* is very wrong from a very early age, and how that is expressed depends a lot on the environment we are growing up in and what the people around us teach us (or keep from us) about gender.

As for your partner, at 19 it is entirely possible to have a pretty solid idea of who you are, but also at that age there is still a lot of emotional and psychological maturing to do. This is not to say that they are wrong about their identity, not at all - but I think your advice to see a doctor and get a referral to a specialist is very sound, if there is any confusion there at all, that will help to sort it out either way so that steps can be taken in the right direction, whatever that turns out to be. I think it's great that you are being so supportive, that's something that a lot of us don't have through the whole self-discovery and transition process. You of all people know that this isn't an easy path to take to be yourself - and if your partner ends up transitioning with your support, you are going to need support from all of us, too. Keep us posted on what happens!

As I've mentioned elsewhere in another thread, I knew I wasn't right from the moment I could differentiate male from female and knew I was really a boy, except without the equipment, by the time I was about 6. I didn't quite understand, however, that you didn't just grow the necessary boy parts as you aged, but eventually clued in.

I think ages of discovery and re-action are different for everyone, but I suspect for most it's early on and I think this might depend on upbringing. The more repressive the upbringing, the later you realize all is not right. But I could be wrong. Ze? Thoughts?

Regardless of what age someone is when they finally come to terms with who they really are inside, they deserve our support and encouragement.

Your partner is blessed to have you and I've no doubt you'll be integral to helping, healing, exploring and some wonderful times ahead as well.

Best, always.

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Originally Posted by Elric

I think ages of discovery and re-action are different for everyone, but I suspect for most it's early on and I think this might depend on upbringing. The more repressive the upbringing, the later you realize all is not right. But I could be wrong. Ze? Thoughts?

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Huh? Wuah? :eek:

Just kidding. *clears throat* Yeah, I agree 100%. :)

Nico, it sounds like your partner is very lucky to have you around.

I started to wonder what it would be like to be female at about age ten. I rember wishing I would go to sleep and wake up female. I differ from a lot of you though because I always wanted to be able to go back if I didn't like it. I didn't really feel tied down as male, but I didn't feel completely female either.

Fast forword through 10 years of crossdressing to the spring semester of my freshman year in college. I took a class on sexuality as a way to explore myself. It definitely helped me figure out who I am.

This year, I started to make use of the counseling service at my university, and came to the conclusion that I was more transgender with no desire to transition than crossdresser.

As far as specific ages, you could say my first realization that I wasn't normal was at about 10 or 11, but I'm currently 19 and will be 20 in June, and I'm still in the process of figuring everything out.

I realized something was wrong when I was about 5. I got scared of doing something about it at the same moment, because I knew difference isn't always so well accepted. I tried to deal with what I was and try to love it in my teen years. Also as an early teen, I was rather suicidal and didn't see myself living past the age of 18. When I broke out of this depression, and imagined my future adult self, I knew being female, even the butchiest female in the world, was just not going to work out. When I realized this, and when I realized that transitioning does not mean I think any less of women, I decided to do something about it. I was 17.

I was eight when I first realized I was not quite right and that somehow my body wasn't the way it should be and didn't work right !!! It's took a lot of years to come to terms with and to stop denying who I am in fact 35 years and a marriage and two children later and a further long term relationship as lesbian. But once I reached that point of total self acceptance there was no turning back.

The thing with partners is and its never going to be an easy one IMHO, they transition with us in many respects. My Helen is a 7 years post op trans woman. She said it is like looking in a mirror and watching it all over again coz she knows exactly what I'm going through which is hard for her. On the other side for people who are genetic females or males it is not an easy process for them to watch their partners go through as they are watching a total transformation in front of their very eyes of the person they new to this new person, well not totally coz you always remain the core person that never changes. It makes both parties look deep within themselves not just the person transitioning but the person who is the partner. Not only will you question things about yourself but it will make them question thing about themselves. Very scary indeed. Like I've said before this is no easy ride its not just about popping a pill or having ya shots its so so much more for everyone involved.

I think having Helen with me has been amazing in the fact that she has supported me fully and has been able to empathize with me which is so important coz she really does know what it's all about. So I say good for you mate that you are willing to stand by ya partner as he will need all the support he can get as you know only to well. Because along the way there will be many hurdles people will come and go, some will stick by you and some will fade away into the sunset. But this is part of the course unfortunately. I have found out who is worth their salt in the last 12 months I can tell ya.

Well good luck to the pair of ya and if I can help ya in any way just shout :)

Yay mate.....Felix xx :hugs:

I knew I was mentally a boy when I was 3 or 4; my first memory is trying to walk out of the house with one of those open cowboy-like vests (with no shirt), jeans, and cowboy boots (can't remember if they were my obviously oversized father's pair or mine; I had some at one point. Shocking, I know), and getting a pretty good scolding from my parents. It wasn't until I was nine, when I first got my period, that I really realized that I was "stuck" as a girl. When I got a little older, say, 11 or so, I had heard people that were born physically as a man could get surgery to become a woman, but I had nothing of this for those born physically as a woman. I had already had a sense of despair at the age of nine, but that's when depression really kicked in.

It wasn't until I was 13 or 14 that I found out, doing research on the internet, that there was a surgery to "fix" my problem, but it was so expensive and seemed like an unachievable goal, coming from a very poor family. I didn't do much research beyond that. I dressed more boyish and androgynous for a time until I was sick of being beaten up because people thought I was a guy trying to be a girl. They thought I had a penis, for Christ's sake! I can't tell you how much that saddened me, in a way. And when they found out I was actually female, being beaten up in middle school became more severe until I told on them (still got "BOYS WILL BE BOYS" bullshit from the school... they really didn't do anything but make those rat ass *******s write letters apologizing to me... yet they kept on teasing me and called me things like faggot and queer and dyke). Because of pressures of my partner and because of that, I began to take on a slightly more feminine dress, and even put on heels and makeup every once in a while, but felt incredibly empty and out of place.

It wasn't until the spring of last year that I finally broke down and realized I couldn't hide from the fact I was TG/TS forever. Unfortunately at the time I was with a monster of a person and he kept me from transitioning. If I had not have met him and especially not have dated him, I would have already started my transition. Still need to get a recommendation for a gender therapist from my old therapist, but I'm been so depressed lately I haven't had the motivation.

Thanks for the replies. I agree, I wish I had someone to look at for support/ advice etc etc when I was going through early transition…but to be honest, rather than feeling like superman I am feeling really sh*t. I feel helpless even if I am like this fountain of knowledge on transitioning, I feel shocking that he’s been feeling like this for the last 7 months of our relationship and I’ve not done anything about it. Cause it’s not like I’ve not known! I knew when we were both kids! But the things he said masked it all…I still had suspicious feelings!

I know now, for a fact that he wants to transition…he’s scared of his mother’s reaction even though she’s shown 100% support for me. I know all well that it’s different if it’s your own child. My mother was supportive of the trans community up until I came out in the open. Then it was like F*CK NO!

Bitch.

Anyway, When he told me, it gave me the perfect opportunity to be honest with him too…I told him I was gay…not bisexual. Phew. Obviously I waited until the dust had settled a bit before I told him…but I’ve been struggling for the last few weeks about it, as some of you already know about from my posts on here. I thought I would have to finish my relationship with “her” because of the obvious! He had no idea I felt like this, so it’s a bit WOW that it’s turned out this way, we really must be meant to be together!!! :D

We are both feeling better that our negatives are cleared and we are both being open to each other. I’ll do all I can to support him along the way and point him in the right direction but I won’t be directly helping. I don’t want it to get a year down the line and it all be a mistake…I doubt it will but we’ve all got to be cautious. I know I’m not making a mistake with my transition, he knows he’s not…but still, it’s too early for him to tell since he’s not yet tried it to see if it feels right. Next step is telling his family, GP and shopping for new clothes. Lol.

:)

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Originally Posted by Thornton

I realized something was wrong when I was about 5. I got scared of doing something about it at the same moment, because I knew difference isn't always so well accepted. I tried to deal with what I was and try to love it in my teen years. Also as an early teen, I was rather suicidal and didn't see myself living past the age of 18. When I broke out of this depression, and imagined my future adult self, I knew being female, even the butchiest female in the world, was just not going to work out. When I realized this, and when I realized that transitioning does not mean I think any less of women, I decided to do something about it. I was 17.

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Thank you, Thornton. I really appreciate your words here, and very very true.