Thoughts about Transitioning in College

Whew, alright, get ready for a rant. I promise it won't be took Wall of Text-ish, but here it goes:

When I started therapy last October, I initially went in thinking about transitioning when I got into graduate school, thinking it would be far too stressful and hard for me to transition during my undergraduate years of university. Those thoughts crossed my mind several times over the next few months until in December I decided that I needed to transition soon because transitioning during my master's degree would be far more stressful on me than it would be now, plus I simply need my mental health.

Every year I go without doing something about this, it gets harder and harder for me to function well at all. I know this sounds crazy but... it keeps me from speaking up in class, keeps me from getting to know people, keeps me even from going outside because I have to constantly hide this fact from others and can't really be me. Ever since I got raped by my ex in spring 2009, I've been even more paranoid about someone finding out before I'm "ready." It's finally getting to the point where I'm simply tired of it. Hiding it is becoming more and more hard on me.

I know I need to call my therapist and tell him to refer me over to another clinic here. I'm hoping I won't have to do too many more months of therapy simply because I thought I would be able to make it a few more years without transitioning. I'm starting to think I can't. I greatly desire starting on T and having all those (many permanent) changes take place, especially since my partner is getting started on hormones themselves. I don't really feel it's necessary to hide my status once I'm transitioning (I feel I'd be much safer transitioning than being someone still entirely in the closet) and I've actually planned on coming out to people after I start T.

In a way, I'm procrastinating because I really do fear having to wait to start T- and explain in the middle of fall 2010 why my voice is changing and why I'm asking to be referred to by a male name (which, of course, is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy).

Okay, I'm done. I know it isn't too coherent, I know I'm not posing a question or really asking for discussion... there's just so much on my mind right now. I don't know any TG/TS people in Oklahoma personally, especially those who have transitioned during college. Mostly I'm more worried about being treated with respect, as in being called "he" instead of "she" and by Walter and not my birth name.

Well Walt, it sounds like it's time. I remember that I thought I was going to wait until after HRT really kicked in and I'd had some hair removal. But, even though I was living full time at home, at work I was starting to feel a frustration at not being the real me. I would get off work and sit in my car and scream and cry. So, I moved ahead, It would have been easier if I'd had my name and gender changed on my legal docs and the hair removal, but I just couldn't live with the deception any longer. The pitfall is do not rush out of desperation. You have nothing to lose by doing this perfectly right, by the SOC and in terms of the life YOU will have to lead from this point on.... I love the fact that i"m a woman. And I am not afraid for the world to see me, I just spent the last five days working a convention where i had to sit with the presenters in full view of three hundred people every day...And I will tell you that having the right chemistry feels like the easiest thing in the world. I think that what you write about is perfectly normal for what you're going through, don't beat yourself up to much, I know I'm my worst critic... Just rememeber... breathe, and smile. Carol.

Hey Walt....Sounds like you are doing a lot of thinking about it....My best advice to you is be sure....and go in knowing that it will be hard....In some way, it always is...As long as you are prepared for the downside as well as the upside, the problems as well as the relief that can only come with openly being who you are....then it's the right time....but, because every life is different, every situation....ultimately, you are the only one who knows when that right time is....Nothing about being trans is ever easy, that's for sure....I wish you the best of luck....**Trey**:thumbsup:

What do you have to lose? You'll probably be less stressed out and distracted once you get started, the waiting in limbo is eating at you and has to be affecting your studies as well as your personal life and relationships.

I agree with you that the longer that you wait the harder that it will become. My recommendation is to start it now while in college. If life becomes more difficult, you can always slow it down some and take some extra time to finish your graduate degree. Unless you are going to a Christian university, I would think that your classmates just might be the most accepting and tolerating people around your neck of the woods. Once transitioned and then you graduate you can start work as a new person with your transitional stuff behind you. Good luck on whatever you decide.

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Originally Posted by AllieSF

Unless you are going to a Christian university, I would think that your classmates just might be the most accepting and tolerating people around your neck of the woods. Once transitioned and then you graduate you can start work as a new person with your transitional stuff behind you. Good luck on whatever you decide.

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Eh, I'm in the Bible Belt and in the past this university has been pretty intolerant, but if something happened to me I would like to think that PFLAG and the student LGBTQ org here would pitch a fit the size of Texas. Apparently ever since one of the philosopher professors started the organization here the environment towards LGBTQ individuals has been much better, but I only know that through professors and some graduate students so IDK.

I guess what's keeping me from transitioning is... well, I guess a part of me is scared. Not scared of anything in particular, just scared. I'm not too worried about how professors might act towards me; I'm in sociology and the people in that department are very accepting. It's just so hard to gauge how people will react because as I said I don't really know any other TG/TS IRL that have transitioned, especially during college. But the LGBTQ org I'm part of recently had a transwoman lawyer speak and she said she has received absolutely no flak for being trans so I'm hoping for the most part I'll get the same treatment.

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Originally Posted by WalT

I know this sounds crazy but... it keeps me from speaking up in class, keeps me from getting to know people, keeps me even from going outside because I have to constantly hide this fact from others and can't really be me. .

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That doesn't sound crazy. In fact you took the words right out of my mouth...

Anyway, your title definitely caught me, since I'm in my freshman year and working on transitioning. Just got back from a meeting with my therapist, actually, where we ran over the first draft of my HRT approval letter.

Transitioning now in college has been long and frustrating and hard, and still is, but I'm glad I started now when I did....

Um...Living on a GLBT dorm floor with a gender neutral bathroom has definitely made life a hell of a lot easier...

Yeah..you didn't really ask a question, so, I dont have anything to answer really. If you wanna ask me anything about transitioning in college, send me a PM or something.

That reminds me, there are only two gender neutral/unisex bathrooms on the entire campus.

!@#$. Fack.

Thing is, I don't have the questions beyond stuff that is probably strictly university to university. Since they require everyone to have ID cards I'll definitely have to see about getting mine change and even the name change on it after I start T, possibly my email as well. I'm afraid they might deny that because it's not my legal name, and I simply cannot afford to change my legal name and all my documents any time soon.

I know I'm really not supposed to double post but after giving it much thought, I contacted my old therapist (through, well, email, which I know you're technically *not* supposed to do) and told him I wanted him to refer me over to a clinic where I can start the necessary assessments to getting my letter.

Here's to hoping I get a quick response, i.e. within a day or two.

That's a load off my mind.

Good for you! :hugs:

[SIZE=2]After reading about how you feel about it, I think it may be best that you get the ball rolling & start your transition Now..otherwise it will affect your studies because you feel trapped at this point and just want to be your true self...and I think you should do that for your own well being.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Once you get that out of the way & can be yourself, you may be surprised how much better you can do in school & feel much better about yourself too..[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]The 1st step I would do at school is talk to the schools administration and inform them how you feel about not transitioning at this point is now affecting you negatively at this point and would very much appreciate their support in the matter..And get in contact with an outside support group near you..[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]It was much easier for me because I started school as Karen right from the get go..so they never knew the old me..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]But because I'm living as my true self, I've been able to excel in class....with straight A- grades so far....and believe me, I was never close to being a straight A student before in my life as a male..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]So I think living the Real You has many more benefits than living a lie..[/SIZE]
:hugs:

I know at the very least I need to discuss it with my academic advisor but as I've stated I have no idea if I'll be able to change my ID and campus e-mail to a preferred name. At least my campus ID doesn't have a big F on it so I don't have to worry too much about buying stuff on campus. I hope so, because I don't see even an Oklahoman public university wanting a tainted name for discriminating against a trans student. That's bad press for diversity, tolerance, and all that.

I know ID and email changes shouldn't cost money. I don't drive a car so my license isn't a concern at the moment, not that I could get it changed until SRS. :( Although, I'd really like to change my legal name within the next few years so I don't have to deal with that anymore. But that costs money, money right now I don't have to spend (trying to get enough money together for an apartment so I can finally move out of my parent's house after my dormitory contract is up).

[SIZE=2]Well then, You know what need to do to find out about the ID & email changes, so that shouldn't be a big deal...[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]As far as the Legal name change, check with the local courts & see if there's a waiver of fees being that your low income & a full time student... although you may need to apply for food stamps 1st for them to give you a wavier..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I don't live there, so I don't know what's available to you...it varies from State to State..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]If they do, then it will be very inexpensive, if you file it yourself & don't mind giving legal notice of your intent in the newspaper it that is a requirement of the Court..[/SIZE]
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:hugs:
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I finally got a reply from my therapist *squeal*. Will update more later once I actually talk to my therapist formally (and less ethically sketchy) about it.

Hi,
Ok, Please inform me further discussion with your therapist. I hope that you will get positive response.