Puberty Once More and My Learning Curve .....
Ok here goes ....
Its been a while since I talked about how I feel about my transition both physicallly and psychologically and I'm putting it here coz I know there are women who like to know what we go through :) Having Helen who was a GM born in the wrong body and has been fully transitioned both physically and hormonally for these past seven years is great. She has been able to give me insite into being male and has therefore supported me in an enlightened way which has helped me with all my pubertal changes:)
My thought processes during the last fifteen months have changed dramatically to say the least and Helen has commented throughout how male my thinking is becoming. This being noted by my reactions and comments on things. Many times I have said things and thought things which have pulled me short and more recently I have had more of these experiences which I have thought about and realized how male I am becoming. Although on saying this I can still pull on what I learned as a female to help me deal with certain feelings and emotions.
Recently and regarding dealings with my family, I am now able to go to my mothers dressing as male although she still because I cannot tell her calls me Cathy. I deal with that as its only for a few days. In May I am due to go to my Neices wedding this has caused me great stress and my dysphoria has been bad due to the thought of having to feminize above and beyond what I can deal with :( Because my Neice is so understanding I put it on face book that I was ubber stressed about things in May she responded and she has been amazing and supported me fully in not going to the wedding and between us we are going to say I'm ill. No one else is to know so as no one including me for the first time ever will be hurt :)This has taken a huge weight off my mind! Other things which are not sitting well are people who know me and have known about me transitioning for 15 months they still use the wrong pronouns :( its really doing my dysphoria no good because the more testosterone isin my system the worse the dysphoria is getting. So I've put that out on face book too requesting a bit more respect really and for them to use the correct pronouns.
Physically I'm doing ok bloods although my base level 'T' is still a little high I feel great. Ill be going for my second chest surgery in May/June it couldn't come sooner coz to me I still have boobs and they need to go period!!!I I'm also waiting on an appointment with Dr Ralph re my bottem surgery :) I'm dieting to get to what may be expected but its hard work. Still got a bit to go but not loads.
As for sex drive and aggression well like I've said before my sex drive has always been high but testosterone has give it a whole new slant and has increased it further so like Helen told me and is true I've had to learn to deal with it as male lol lots more DIY and I find physical exercise is a great release. :) As for aggression well yes I do feel a lot more aggressive but again I deal with that through exercise in the gym. There are times when I feel wound up but I just take a few deep breaths and tell myself this is pointless and it usualy works. Also if I can I remove myself from the situation that's causing me to feel this way that works too.
I have become a lot more logical in the way I think and hense fussiness and things that seem irrational to me irritate me some what but I just let them go on the whole coz what's the point. I find myself far more confident and I won't take no crap like I used too :) lol if I think somethink is illogical ill tell who ever it is tactfully of course lol.
Well that's about it for now peeps xx Felix :)
