More than an "urge"; and Fate laughs at me

Our local weather has been pretty messed up, with lots of rain and high humidity, overcast days, with the occasional sunny day. One of the days last week I needed the furnace in the morning and the air conditioning in the evening.

Usually by this time in August it has started to cool markedly, but today we were gifted with a clear sunny +30C (86F) with enough humidity to make it feel like +35C (95F). With not being able to enjoy too much of this summer outdoors because of the weather, and knowing this might be the last day of "summer" weather, when I looked at the forecast yesterday, I had the urge to wear a skirt for the trip to work today.

By this morning, the feeling was more than just an "urge": it had become a need: I knew that if I didn't do it, I would become literally Depressed (and I don't mean just "unhappy") and would be moody and hurting about life being unfair and about feeling "forced" into a gender role I don't want -- and that I would be mourning that Life was passing me by with nothing to show for it.

I didn't know how I was going to be able to change back out of the skirt before getting to work, but I didn't care: I needed to make the public journey strongly enough that I knew that if necessary I would wander around until I found a dumpster to hide behind while I changed back.

At first I didn't think I would be able to carry it out for logistical reasons, but I did manage to walk out the door of my house wearing a blue blouse, D-ish forms, blue sandals showing my painted toenails, and wearing my blue leather midi-skirt (about a hand-width above the knee.) Oh yes, and my usual long hair and earrings -- but no wig or makeup.

I headed over to the bus stop and was just in time, and I made the trip without incident, including transferring buses at a busy corner. Some people along the way did glance at me in curiosity, but I saw no stares and no hostility, and the people that glanced at me mostly lost interest within a very short time. I estimate I probably didn't attract more than about 2 or 3 times as much interest as a GG my age wearing the same skirt would have attracted. I was The Two Second Wonder for perhaps 1/5th of the bus passengers.

As the bus progressed, I just sat quietly and did nothing in particular, and thought of nothing in particular. I was simply at peace -- at peace in a way that I cannot be even with my ordinary boundary-pushing clothes such as the jean leggings I've taken to wearing to work as my pants. I had indeed needed to undertake the public gender-twisting journey -- I had needed time to be me in public.


I did come up with a change plan while I was in transit. As it was towards the end of lunch-time, to avoid the possibility that someone from work might see me on their lunch break, I got off one stop earlier than usual, and went through the parking garage entrance to the department store on the corner. That entrance happens to be the one nearest the women's hosiery department, so my intention was to buy some knee-highs and then head up a few floors to the men's washroom and change in there.

Well, the store has been undertaking renovations and the hosiery department was gone, the space empty, and no redirection sign. Vanished. Lots of other items on that main floor had vanished as well, and a bit dazed I wandered around the main floor a bit trying to see if they had just moved the department further along for the time being.

After a little wandering, I decided that perhaps they had moved the hosiery to be near the bra/underwear department, so I headed toward the escalator to go to that floor. If the hosiery had been where I expected, after my purchase I would have gone the short distance to the elevator to the floor with the men's washroom.

As I gathered my bearings and started walking towards the escalator, I glanced towards the main path on that main floor where a person happened to be walking, and that person happened to glance in my direction -- and I realized that it was a guy who works in the same building that I do, working for one of the small companies we lease space to. He is someone I am on nodding terms with, and we weren't all that far apart, so I automatically said "Hi" to him, and he said "hi" to me, and we both kept going... whereupon I realized that he had just had an unobstructed view of me in my leather skirt, and had the right angle and enough time seeing me walk to have recognized that I had a non-trivial bust-line.

The fellow did not react any differently than if I had been dressed in the clothes he would usually see me in. He is typically a bit abstracted, and not unfriendly but also not talkative. He definitely saw me gender-bending, but it is not clear that he noticed.

So... I played the odds one time too many, took the gamble once too often too close to work... and got seen by someone "from work". Fate laughs at human plans. And I don't really care, because I got to wear my skirt again. This is not Pink Fog: this is Pink Blood, and there are limits to how much you can repress yourself.

Will there be Consequences at work to my having been seen? Interestingly, probably not. I have been thinking for a while that of all the males in the building, the particular fellow who saw me would probably be the least concerned. At random times I had considered outing myself to him, even though we don't really know much about each other, but I refrained because I couldn't think of a reason why I should tell him -- and because it isn't the sort of thing you just mention in conversation, especially to someone you don't hold a lot of conversations with. So far my instincts on trusting people have been fairly good.

I really don't think he will "blab" about what he saw. It is plausible, though, that he might happen to mention it to his boss, who is someone I get along with moderately well. I don't think his boss will be at all upset; he already knows that I'm skilled and unconventional. I don't expect any stories will end up making the rounds.


I did go up and get changed in washroom. I took my forms out at the same time, thinking of the convenience of not having to find a place to slip them out closer to work -- and the moment I walked out of the washroom, I regretted having taken my forms out unnecessarily early. I was headed to get some take-out lunch immediately after that, but I've been to that place in complete dress or skirt; what I wear doesn't phase that eatery at all. But it was too late, I was already too public to put my forms back in.

After I grabbed the take-out, I headed to work, and at the next street corner met up with another fellow from work, someone I've worked with for a couple of decades. So it ended up being a good thing that I had taken the forms out, as that second fellow probably would tell a couple of people -- not out of malice, but just because he is one of the gossip conduits, with a bit of tendency not to think about potential consequences to the subject of the gossip.


What have I learned through all of this? If you said, "To be more careful", then you probably haven't been reading my postings :heehee: