Bisexual closeted cross dresser struggling with relationships!

I'm sure i'm not as unique as I once thought I was. I'm 40 , fit and have not been in a relationship for 4 plus years. I keep thinking I want a hetero relationship as my male persona and become a husband and dad. On the other hand I have my fem self wanting to explore her sexuality with men or at least date as Kristine. I know the ultimate goal would be find a woman who is comfortable with cross dressing. As I have gotten up the nerve to explore or be the life clock keeps ticking. Are there other girls here struggling? How do you play off living in both worlds that alone adds new anxiety. Its like I want to be in a relationship with a woman but a few times a quarter I can go be Kristine and date. LOL does that woman exist? More so how many of you deal with the friends that say he is 40 , he is single, has to get married , blind dates etc.
I appreciate all of you on here who have allowed me to start and explore.

xxoo
Kristi

The first reaction most will give is that gender and sexuality are completely different and separate form each other which i agree with up to a point as you can be Bi whether you are TG or not ,but (always that but ):heehee: i have a sneaky feeling that being TG is going to increase your chances of at least having fantasies about being Bi , i put TG as CDs can have a different reason for dressing and yes i know CDing is a part of the TG spectrum .

The key is to just be yourself either way. Then you will find out who you are and what you really want.:)