Advice for the young?

Hello there everyone.:) Well I don't usually ask for help but lately I have found myself in need of some guidance from someone more experienced. I've been interested in crossdressing for a few years now and I thought I had everything under control for the time being. However recently I've found it almost impossible to keep my mind off it any longer and it's been making me miserable. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by hiding the real me deep inside. I've never felt this strongly about my need to be myself. All of this just used to be a thought lingering in the back of my mind but I know it's only a matter of time before it surfaces.

I'm faced with the problem that probably every one of us has faced in their lives and that is whether or not to tell my parents. Being a young adult that is single and living with parents makes it difficult for me to take any steps forward to what I want to be. Especially when you also live with a younger brother who is 16 and you feel like you need to be the example or role model. All this combined with the fact that my family despises homosexuality makes this a dilemma that not even I can solve. Since nearly every crossdresser is surrounded with the stereotype of being homosexual I could not even imagine my parents reaction.

I live with my mother, stepfather, and brother currently and like quite a few families we don't get along at all. I'm still very self conscious of what they will think of me though for some strange reason. I guess it's a natural fear of some sort that i must overcome. So what is one to do in a situation such as mine?

I suspect that my brother and mother may already know bits and pieces of the story though. Since my brother shares my computer and has mentioned sites I've visited in the past. I guess that's what I get for saving my browsing history.

I'm thinking about going back to school or something to get a career I enjoy rather then working all these lame jobs. So staying with my parents helps me out a lot until I make a decision on what direction I want to go in life. Do I repress all of my real feelings inside and wait until I'm on my own to be feminine or do I secretly do both at the same time and run the risk of being caught? The more mature you become you realize that life is short and you have to make your choices fast or you will havewasted too much time.

A tough one as it would be so easy for someone of my age to look up and say , start young at what you would like your life to be as it is so easy to look back and see all the misted opportunity of getting people to accept who you are even when i think it would be a lot more acceptable in this day and age or at least should be , but at the moment you have to be a realist and realise that at the moment by coming out it could cause hardship for you so i would not push the envelope to far open just yet but maybe try a hint of what you would like to see how it goes as it is a lot easier to go forward with something than to try and back track once you show yourself.

As hard as it may be, you need to decide just what you want out of all this. Is this just crossdressing, or do you feel that you may be transexual? The fact that your family does not get along all that well may play in your favor. You can tell your parents that you'd like to speak to a counsellor or a psychologist so that you can learn how better to deal with things. You don't have to tell anyone that you're dealing with transgendered issues, and you can see the shrink to help you sort out all your feelings. It's perfectly confidential that way, gets you out of the house, and helps you figure things out at the same time.

I'd definitely suggest you pursue school, too. "Lame" jobs suck, and they suck worse over time, as you have diminishing returns from lack of job satisfaction and low pay. This will allow you to get your own place over time, and get you out of your toxic living situation. As for your computer, you can get a laptop for under $300.00 at the Dell auction site, and you won't have to share any more. You can tell everyone it's an investment in your schooling.

Make no mistake, this is a tough row to hoe. If I had had the courage long ago, I'd have shaved my legs and even possibly transitioned. As it is, I've been covering this whole thing up my whole life, and I'd gladly have a do-over. Fear is the primary motivator, unfortunately. But my advice is this: don't ever be ashamed of who you are, especially when you don't really know yourself yet. The only way around this mountain is through it. Good luck.

+1 to all that's been said so far; get some counseling and keep getting your education. If it's a hostile environment (and most are when you're young and not able to be independent yet), you will have to be careful and not be too open. You may find underdressing is a good option if you need to satisfy the urge to dress--that was me all through high school and college.

I can totally empathize with you at the moment. I'm looking into job opportunities and stuff where I am to avoid having to go back and live with my parents at the end of the semester. There are days when living with them and keeping the CD stuff under wraps seems tiresome and fearful, but it sounds as if you're a legal adult- you don't share a bedroom with your brother, do you? (you said he uses your computer?) If you do, then I don't think anyone would fault an adult for keeping their bedroom door locked at certain moments...or if you do share a bedroom with your brother, maybe you could just have a locked suit-case, resting somewhere out of the way? (my mom adopted two younger cousins and there are no spare rooms, so if I end up there- heaven forbid -I'll need to do something like that...maybe dad would be a better choice since he lives alone and in the middle of nowhere. Kinda isolated but safe. Sorry. That's my baggage XP)

I think the other people who commented on this have good ideas. I personally have not seen a councilor yet, but you sound as if you're in a lot of persistent discomfort, so maybe that would help? Also, I underdress a lot myself, and for my money, it's pretty satisfying.

Good luck Amber
same name as my sister! :)

Getting some help with your thoughts/needs is going to help if you can get it. I would also suggest that you make yourself a plan to get your education and move out. Part of that plan can, of course, include a plan to learn about/explore/develop your needs to be en femme. Your needs will change over time but the sooner you begin to understand them and deal with them, the less likely you will run into bigger problems later in life. Many of older folks have denied ourselves for a long time only to find ourselves in a very male life with all around us having an image of us that we don't have the heart to break. Lastly, making a plan and sticking to it the best you can will give you a sense of making progress (albeit probably too slow at times) which will, in turn, probably diminish the sense of frustration.

Hope this helps.

Leann

By the way a very low cost solution to having to share a computer would be either a cd or usb stick to boot a live Ubuntu linux system. Nothing you do would be saved on the computer itself.

I do think that the longer you try to repress everything, then the more unhappy you will be and the longer it will take to untangle everything later.

I think, firstly, you need to assess your situation as realistically as possible. Is there any way your parents will accept your dressing desires? It might be an elegant solution if they did, but it doesn't sound like it, based on their homophobia. As difficult as it may be to hold it inside, if you think telling them would make your situation worse, then maybe it's not the best idea. Then again, there's no better impetus for change than a terrible situation.

Ask yourself how can you get yourself in a situation where you can dress freely? There's likely no short term solution, as painful as that may feel based on your current dressing urges. Be honest with yourself and what you think you need in life. And, start outlining short steps to put yourself in that situation. Maybe your end goal could be to find a job and move out. Or go to school. It might feel like you'll be in this situation forever, but start actively trying to take steps out of it and time will fly and you will be much more free before you know it. The worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself.

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for moments when you can let your girl side out. Find creative ways to do it. And, also, you can work on yourself in other ways: educating myself helped me a great deal in terms of dealing with my dressing desires and having confidence in who I am. Just because your family is one way doesn't mean you have to be the same way... it's natural that you'd care what they think, and you should, but at the same time you are your own empowered individual!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

yes get some schooling and get a better job.
but for now get a computer for yourself. even plenty of places giving away free access to the web. just have to go to them.
but as for how your parents feel about homosexuals, are you into guys as a sex thing? if not then you are not gay, cross dressing does not mean you are gay, plenty of straight "people" and they are happy married.
can you afford a 30-40 a year bill? get a po box for yourself, and get some books to read.
(pm me if you would like a list of good reading, not sex but real information).
but for home buy a lunchbox sized lock box, (keeps younger hands out) and keep some cleansers in there, take care of your skin.
got room for a locking "foot"locker? can keep some things in there for your use.

but when you can...but no hurry. get a good job and move out, the younger brother? so you are in your upper teens, after you get to 21 you can think about looking for your own place. a studio apt some place close to work/school maybe?
unknown were you live but search out a support group, most major city's have such. check a couple out maybe one will fit your needs.
are you close to sacramento, ca? we have the "river city gems" (got to plug them).

take care of your skin it will pay back great benefits latter on.
no hurry try under dressing, just panties and nylons, bras can be seen under most shirts. but not jackets. slowly build up some things, some here say shop good will, i shop sears jc pennys, macys at the discount racks, the sa's do not care some will love to help you. (maybe a girl friend?).

but read the postings here and ask questions.

Loni

I was in a similar situation when I was in my late teens/early 20s so I can really sympathize with you. You mentioned that your family does not get along, I have to ask, is there abuse in the home? If there is, you may have to do things a bit different (and more carefully) to protect yourself.

There is a thread here about cleaning up your tracks online you might want to look at. The best solution is to get your own computer, if you can't afford even a low end new one, even an ancient Pentium II era ~$25 one at a yard sale or such is capable of going online and visiting this site etc. Sharing a computer with others is like sharing a toothbrush with others, it is just not "hygienic".

One other quick thing. Before you "just go to college" and possibly saddle yourself with so much debt it will haunt you for decades to come, you may want to consider cheaper vocational training or such. Make sure at the end you have a skill that is in demand and you are ready to go when you are done with school. Some of us 30-somethings went to college because we were told we "had" to in order to survive, got a degree in something and then found our jobs outsourced, or chasing jobs with a zillion other people with the same qualifications etc. I ended up working jobs I could have had with just a high school diploma while trying to chase the few professional jobs available and competing with a huge pool of people with the same education and more experiences than I had; an exercise in absolute frustration. If I had it to do over again, I would have learned an in-demand trade instead of going to college.

Things were pretty difficult for me as well. I had a similar situation with my parents and everything but eventually was able to move out for college. That's when I had a lot more freedom to explore and learn about myself personally. But like what the others said, it's really difficult to start thinking about telling your parents and family about it. I still plan on never telling them personally ^_^

I can totally feel your pain! Until you can stand on your own feet, it might be a good idea not to bring this up with your family. It might make things a lot worse. Regarding browsing history, all browsers have a mode in which no browsing history is saved. It goes by different names. Google Chrome - Incognito Window, Firefox - Private Browsing, IE8 - InPrivate Browsing.