Wife makes this comment....

Let me start with my wife is very negative about dressing. She blames me for having to take depression pills. Well Saturday we are sitting at the table I look at these panties that are colorful and they are thong panties. She says you want them I don't like them and can't get used to them. In my head I'm like jumping for joy but keep it rather smooth and say sure. Wore them to bed and all day. I'm luving it. So I ask her if I can buy more and she sort of flips out a little. So later on she ask me, weirdo do I want the xtra large she gave me or the the larges. I say the larges. She then says if I get in an accident I'm not your wife. Now I'm not sure if she is going to buy them or she is giving me permission. I'm so afraid to ask but since she ask the size I guessing she is going to buy them. What do you think?

If she's blaming it on you, you've got bigger issues than underwear. Maybe look at that first.

Well sometimes people need just a little help in coping with things to stop them going overboard so if it is on a short term base then i see nothing wrong with medication as long as you know it is not a permanent solution, your wife seems to be coming around a bit on the wearing of at least the underwear so i think this would be a good time to ask her if it will affect her depression in any way by helping it or making it any worse, at the least it may open you both up to talking more on what the two different things in your lives are effecting each other .

The only problem I see is that they are thongs :) I've spent my whole life trying to keep my undies from bunching up in my behind...thongs do that naturally :)

Your wife gave you the undies, she isn't as disaproving as you imagine.

It sounds like your wife is trying to understand you...she's giving you a gift. Don't take it for granted, embrace her and try to understand that this was a big step for her...she's covering with the name calling to make her feel more comfortable? I've seen that before...

I would wait to see if she buys them for you - let her set the pace. Although it is hard to say whether she is becoming more accepting (or maybe tolerant is a better word), taking it slow will help you figure it out. If she does not buy them for you in a couple of weeks, maybe wear the ones she gave you again and that will restart the conversation.

My wife is very negative about dressing - It's difficult for people to change their spots.

Well Saturday we are sitting at the table I look at these panties that are colorful and they are thong panties. She says you want them I don't like them and can't get used to them. Sounds like a test

weirdo do I want the xtra large she gave me or the the larges. I say the larges. She then says if I get in an accident I'm not your wife. What was her tone like during when she made this comment? Jokingly? Angry? Neutral? Exasperated?



Tread cautiously.

I say flowers are in order for your wife. One gift (panties) deserves another. It may open up a new world for you and you will not need to say another word. Kindness melts cold hearts.

Hi Kathy

I’m sort of in the same boat, my Wife isn’t supportive and just barely tolerant of my cross-dressing. Yet a week ago we were in a Rite Aid and she ended up buying me two lipsticks, mascara, and a pair of panty hose. I’m on cloud-9 thinking there may be a crack in the ice and then as we are walking out she tells me she doesn’t know why she bought that stuff because she doesn’t approve of what I’m doing. Every time the door to more understanding and tolerance opens a crack, it seems to be immediately slammed shut. Many years ago when she got her ears pierced she wanted me to have mine done too, I think what she really wanted is for me to go first so she could see if the process hurt. I was asked if I wanted my done when our Daughters’ ears were done, but when I suggested that we go to the mall a couple of weeks ago and get my ears pierced, she said no. She and my daughter Sarah were going for pedicures and I was repeatedly invited, but I had nail fungus on my big toe and felt subconscious about it. Now when I suggest going for a pedicure I’m rebuffed. Mixed signals leave you with the feeling that you are walking on egg shells.

I wish you luck

Thongs are like butt floss. But I'm glad you like them. Like others have said, I'd take this one rather slowly. Too many of us have this tendency when we see a crack in the door, we try to kick it open instead of waiting to see if it will open a little more on its own. She's obviously not real comfortable with this whole thing, but she values your relationship enough to try and work with it. It is incumbent upon you to be there for her, be very understanding of her trepidations, and be the best husband you can be for her. Stoop to conquer instead of playing to win. More bees are drawn by honey than by vinegar.

Let things happen slowly, if she is really that intolerant i would not push your luck at all.

I think it was a cross beterrn joking and neutral. It even might of been been her way to deal with it. It is hard to say.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanielleLee

My wife is very negative about dressing - It's difficult for people to change their spots.

Well Saturday we are sitting at the table I look at these panties that are colorful and they are thong panties. She says you want them I don't like them and can't get used to them. Sounds like a test

weirdo do I want the xtra large she gave me or the the larges. I say the larges. She then says if I get in an accident I'm not your wife. What was her tone like during when she made this comment? Jokingly? Angry? Neutral? Exasperated?



Tread cautiously.

---

I thank all who have answered. I am going to wait and see if she buys them for me. I am not going to even mention it. Her birthday is this friday and i'm trying to make it a very good week for her. I'm making it it a her week. If she buys them then it is great and is a step in the right direction. Only time will tell. I'll give a follow up when something happens.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kathy4ever

...She then says if I get in an accident I'm not your wife...

---

If you're in an accident the last thing anyone is going to worry about is your underwear. It'll end up in pieces in an ER wastebasket.

I think that your wife might be showing a glimmer of acceptance about dressing. Wait and see what happens, but don't expect anything. That's the way to disappointment.

If you are taking depression pills then you really need to discuss your overall issues with your wife, not just CDing.

This definitely has test written all over it. However, it Does seem like she might end up buying them for you. She has a lot of power in this situation and I find that interesting. I almost wonder if that may be her main motivator. The crossdressing is YOUR thing, but you look to HER to supply you with the stuff to do it.

I agree to tread carefully and to also give her a gift or surprise her with a date. Heck...just do the laundry.

However, I don't know if your wife is very manipulative. But, I wonder if she does this for you what she might ask for in return...

Not saying she is like that...but, I know people who do have wives that are like this...

I'm sort of sorry I even mentioned the depression part.
The real reason to the original post was to tell of excitement of getting panties from unaccepting wife. My question of of is she going to buy or was she giving me permission to buy was a way to epress my joy of getting panties from an unaccepting wife. Hey I know no one really knows what she is going to do. This is my only avenue to express my thoughts.

To analize my wife would take a long time. I can tell you she is not that bad but does need something to correct something in her mind. It seems to run in her family. Her dad took something and now her sister also takes something. For some reason they can't deal with the pressures of life. I don't think it helps that she is home all the time with her sister and watches dr oz. I think she might be a hypocronic. Sometimes it is nice to be able to talk to someone about problems, but sometimes you can make things worse if you start taking on their issues on top of yours.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kathy4ever

I'm sort of sorry I even mentioned the depression part.

---

Hey, look, no one is bashing you or your wife.

It's important to consider everything, though. It really does make a difference. People on psychotropic drugs simply do not view the world in the same way that sober humans do.

I, for one, am deeply sorry you're dealing with this... only trying to point out that panties vs. no panties is not the only problem you're facing, and that you might be over-simplifying a bit.

I've removed the antidepressant debate to its own thread in the Lounge. Anyone wanting to discuss it further can continue to do so here:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ressant-Debate

Kathy, I've removed all reference to your issue from the thread in the Lounge. :)

Kathy, if I might offer an idea, she is on anti depressants and has a hard time dealing with the pressures of life, what you are putting on her is adding to that pressure, don't make her decide, if you want the panties go get them, put them in your drawer in plain sight, after all she knows you want to wear them already. Now don't wear them just yet, wait and see if she is bothered, if not quietly start to wear them with out making a thing about it. she does not have to make a hard decision about something she does not understand. It might make it a bit easier for her. Either way I wish you luck with it.
Tina B.

I sounds to me like she likes to blame you for the things shes unhappy about, the whole "this is your fault because..."
I would be leery of that kind of behavior in my own life simply because my thinking is thus, if she blames you for her condition she prob likes to lord it over you, and I would think that she will lord your dressing over you as well. If she DOES buy you that underwhere its more than likely just a tool for her to keep you in your place BUT!!!! all Im going off of is this little snip-it of your world that im seeing and I don't see the whole picture nor do i know ether one of you so its hard to give you real advice

Just wanted to apologize to all for hijacking the thread about the anti-depressant issue...
I took personal offense to some remarks and went off on a little rant.
Thanx mods for the edit job.

Please Kathy, don't feel bad for bringing the subject up, it was understandable and pertinent to your thread.

One thing that's always stuck with me over the years is that people are responsible for their own feelings. We choose to feel a certain way when presented with situations. Eg: You can choose to feel upset about being cut off in traffic OR choose to brush it off. Most of the time people react to things instead of thinking and then acting. Part of being an adult is thinking before acting.
What's this all mean? It means that, sometimes, people just care about thier own feelings and tend to react the same way without thinking and then acting. Depression from certain things such as chemical imbalance, or grief I can understand, but from someone crossdressing? Come on! I don't want to seem heartless, but sometimes people are so rapped up(maybe even selfish) in their own feeling that they forget about those they care about. (I know I've been guilty of that)

Blaming someone for your own depression is well... I'm sure you care for you wife and she for you, but really!

The movie Patch Adams had a great line in it. Sometimes people are so focused on the problem that they can't see the solution. Sometime we need to look past the problem to get to the solution. Depression, sometimes, is just dwelling on the problem.

This is good advice for everyone.