Making frinds

It's hard to make really good friends sometimes, especially on this Forum. I think perhaps it's due to the fact that although there is anonimity through the internet, there is also the hesitation to confide in others or get close to them, even though they may extend of themselves and have nothing but good intentions. We are all into this (CDing) together. By extending myself I have made many good friends here, but at the same time there are many others who seem to have high initial enthusiasm but taper off if more personal communication such as instant messaging or talking on the phone is offered. I realize there are many out there who do not have our best interests at heart and even deride us because of who we are. However, I have learned to take most at face value until proven otherwise and if that happens just do not communicate with them. We do have to trust our instincts and gut feelings sometimes with respect to others but I have found for the most part, many here are genuine albeit sometimes hesitant to pursue friendships. I was wondering what your experiences were with regard to this.:)

I can relate to what your saying! I will always welcome more and true friends! I think too many people have either forgotten or don't know what true friendship is! Hugs!

Personally I've made a ton of awesome friends here and on other forums.... But I am and always will be suspicious of people's ulterior motives or hidden adgendas.... Based on past experiences.

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

Abigail, I admit, that I am becoming a recluse, and, I am extremely cautious about being close to another human being. I am about to lose both parents, and my only living aunt. My income is low. I do goto a very small 12 step group for dysfunctional adult children. I have been burned by many friends, the last few decades, so, i am very cautious now. Sadly, this is not unfounded, Even Jesus said, that in the last times, "the love of the many, would wax cold." I can be more friendly. I also fear hurting others, as I can be quite opinionated, and eccentric. I agree with Karren and that idea!

My experience has been similar to yours.

I can relate to some of what's been said. I'm afraid I'm slowly becoming a bit of a recluse myself and I don't like it.
I would just add to that at my age ( 65) it seems that just about all my friends have either moved out of the area or died.

This is a great forum with a wealth of information, but I have better luck making friends through social networking sites, like Facebook. Many of my internet friends come and go, but a handful have turned into real-world friends.

I joined this forum after my wife died and have no regrets. I have made new friends on and off the forum and many of them embrace Jill as if she was a lifelong friend and confidant. I will always heve this forum to thank for my ability to be myself and not worry what the rest of the world thinks. As true friends go, they are the ones who accept you unconditionally.

To be honest, on dating sites, I have had MANY male admirers want to meet me, but almost never a GG who does.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Personally I've made a ton of awesome friends here and on other forums.... But I am and always will be suspicious of people's ulterior motives or hidden adgendas.... Based on past experiences.

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

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Send me the forms to complete my dear. I'll return them right away.

Abigail;,

I find it difficult to have any meaningful friendship without actually meeting face-to-face. Making friends in forums is nice, I enjoy it, but it simply isn't a substitute for face-to-face friendships.

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

Abigail, I must agree with most of what you have said in this Thread. However, for virtually all my life I have been blessed with the ability to make friends easily. I do have a number of friends on this forum, but do not hear from them as often as I would like. Most of them have my email address, and can write to me anytime they want. I live alone so no one else is ever looking at my email, nor could they! If you would like to correspond with me send me a PM and I will send you my email address!! You are the kind of person I would value as a friend!!

BTW, I also have long had the ability to detirmine if a person is telling the truth or not just by listening to them, or by reading what they have written. I am seldom wrong!

Abigail, nothing would please me more than making some friends here. I have tried in the past and had friendships self destruct. I have a core of good friends here and for that I am grateful. that said however, I would certainly enjoy more. :daydreaming:

making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Erin

making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

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I agree
While it's nice to have some online "friends". they are not friends in the traditional sense....... someone you interact with while they are in the same physical space as you, not via cyberspace.

This is a good topic. I think we all have various situations and come from varied backgrounds. There are couple of points too consider, one of which that has already been mentioned is that there are those that do not have our bests interests at heart. When combined with the fact that a malicious person, with either some knowledge of how communication technology works and/or with access to a substantial amount of money, could potentially wreck your life by understanding who, what or when you were communicating. Phone records, email, etc. are all files stored on a computer that someone could have access to. Related to that is the other point that some may find themselves in the situation where close family and friends are people that are extremely conservative with regards to this issue. Such persons would never understand or be accommodating of this behavior. Therefore it is wise to take one's time, and give time to think through the ramifications of coming forward so freely. The other thing is that people may initially be friendly but can sometimes turn hostile. When hostile they could use information they know about you to harm you.

Just saying some things that should be taken into consideration.

U can, however, MEET folks who MAY become friends later! Well said, Barb Jo!:thumbsup:
My daughter claims to have 750 "friends". I know, in fact, she has NO real friends!:sad:

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Originally Posted by Barbara Jo

I agree
While it's nice to have some online "friends". they are not friends in the traditional sense....... someone you interact with while they are in the same physical space as you, not via cyberspace.

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I have met a few of the girls from here and other sites at the SCC's and DLV! Altho, we don't correspond all that often, HECK! We're GUYS after all!:brolleyes:
We KNEW when we met in person, that we hit it off and there was a SPECIAL connection! U girls/guys KNOW who u r!:battingeyelashes:

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Originally Posted by KarenS

Send me the forms to complete my dear. I'll return them right away.

Abigail;,

I find it difficult to have any meaningful friendship without actually meeting face-to-face. Making friends in forums is nice, I enjoy it, but it simply isn't a substitute for face-to-face friendships.

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My manager of friendship relations is on vacation this week but as soon as she returns!! :D

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Originally Posted by xulvalhalla

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

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I kind of feel like I can relate to you on this. I always have trouble fitting in social settings, I can only imagine how much worse this can get if I ever decide to dress out and the sort. I don't know how things will turn out, but let's both try our best to make things work! c:

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Originally Posted by Nicole Erin

making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

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I also feel strongly about what a "friend" is these days.. The whole thing with myspace, facebook, twitter.. whichever it is- I feel like the word "friend" had lost its true meaning. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I just don't approve of how the term shares common lines with a simple "acquaintance" now..

I have to say, that i used to be a lot more friendly, and i am far more cautious, too. I still try to 'go the extra mile" for strangers in trouble, but, i don't have any close friends right now, except a few 2000 miles away. There just seems to be something in the air these days, that makes it a colder world.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

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Karen,
Will you take a check?

It can be a little tough. If I get into an on-line discussion, a lot of the time I almost need the other person to start a topic or I feel awkward. I just have trouble coming up with something to say without feeling like I am being nosey or heading into personal space. Now put me face to face and the dynamic changes and it gets easier. I guess I use too many visual clues when talking and you get none of that in on-line communications.

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Originally Posted by xulvalhalla

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

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Don't be too hard on yourself about being shy. There is a very interesting article in the NYTimes about shyness as an evolutionary tactic. shy people are generally smarter than extroverts among other things. If you're interested, here's the link:
http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinio...shyness&st=cse

Touche! I like your idea Karen. A friend to me is someone who accepts me for me (faults and all) and is someone I can loan money to and not worry about getting it back because I know they will either pay it back when they can or they will pay it forward.

I was feeling a bit lonely when I posted this yesterday. I was having some problems with things around the house and was feeling a bit dejected as it seems to be one thing after the other lately. A good friend to talk to would have made my day, even if doing nothing more than listening to my frustrations. Good friends don't have to do anything other than that--be good friends. Some days it just makes this hum drum thing we call life worth living.:)