Do you not regret coming out of the closet?

OK, now for the other side of the closet coin!!

PLEASE ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND DON'T REGRET IT REPLY

Why?

Well, it depends on what you mean by "coming out of the closet". Do you mean entirely or coming out to at least one person?

Well... I think you can't claim to being out of the closet when you have only told one or two people.
Being out of the closet for me means there are no more secrets, every one knows me as the person
I am now... a female. And I don't think it's necessary to tell everyone about your previous life under
your assigned birth sex, not unless you are intending to get close to someone and there is a need for
such intimate honesty because a partner might expect to have kids for example, so they need to know.

For me coming out of the closet also meant transitioning & living full time as a female. So add
me to this list Nigella, coming out of the closet was the best move I ever made in my life :)

Coming out to my wife has been the best thing to happen in our relationship aside from my kids. I sleep better, we communicate better, sex is better and more frequent! I feel better, my blood pressure is lower and I enjoy dressing more because there is no guilt. I love seeing my dresses hanging in the closet next to my wife's and I love having an underwear drawer full of panties and bras. Zero downside. My life is simply better.

To clarify a point, coming out means that at least one person knows about your TGism. You no longer hide this side of your life, keeping it to yourself.

Melody,

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For me coming out of the closet also meant transitioning & living full time as a female.

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, is this the reason why you don't regret it?

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Originally Posted by Nigella

Melody, , is this the reason why you don't regret it?

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I would have to say yes to that, because there was no more lies, deceit or misunderstandings
about who I really am. And I don't regret it because now I finally get to be me & express myself
as the person I truly am & with that I have found real peace of mind through the freedom that
gives me so much more happiness - So why would I ever have any regret about transitioning?

I've been out of the closet to only those that mean something to me. Especially my past wives and my current SO. I have no regrets what so ever.

Brandy, why no regrets?

I came out to my Wife many years ago and i have no regrets whatsoever!!

I came out to my wife some time ago now. Several years, At first there was alot of resentment and bad feelings. The whole lieing story. The fact that so many years went by and I didn't tell her. She felt that was a lie. We all know that story.

But now some time has passed, My wife is aware that I like to dress and has grown to accept it vey well. Do I regret coming out to her, NO. My only regret is that I didn't do it way back when we first met. My life is ALOT better now and our relationship has grown tremendously.

Danielle ... Why?

Peeps, please indicate why you do not regret coming out.

I think that this thread and Sandra's regret thread is one of the best ways to indicate the pros and cons of being in and out of the closet, without a battle and sides being taken, it gives a balanced view because we are not allowing comments to be made, just peoples own reasons for doing what they do.

The reasons for regretting show the reasons for staying in the closet, they are real problems that members have faced. The reasons for not regretting show the reasons why coming out of the closet show the real benefits of sharing this life.

They are non judgemental threads, that with careful moderation, blows the chaff away from the wheat to allow a unbaised pro and con picture. :)

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Originally Posted by Nigella

Brandy, why no regrets?

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Hi Nigella, The reason for not having no regrets is the fact that in all relationships it drew us closer. This includes the carefully selected friends I have told. I can be around all that know. That does not mean that all my friends have seen me dressed in their presents; Some have seen pictures however. But when we have nothing to hide and have their acceptance and understanding, it's just a great feeling.
The only person I told that I now regret telling is my 1 1/2 year older brother. he said he can't have this kind of thing ion his life. So he chose his over the top religious beliefs and brain washing, over his family. I have not seen him or talked to him in over 3 years and he lives within 12 miles. He was the only person I have told that my judgement was wrong about how they'd take it. All others I was right about how accepting, open and non-judgmental they's be. So no regrets other then my brother. I do miss him, but not his sadly misguided religious beliefs.

After 30 years in the closet comming out to my SO was the best thing iv ever done. Its Sunday morning and Im sitting here all dressed with out any concerns about being caught. I love it when life becomes simpler

i'm so happy i findly i told my , it's been two years now, still have a lot talking to do with my wife but we are getting help, i still want to hide things and she don't trust me yet but getting better,but it can be very big load off your mine

Denise I take that this

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Im sitting here all dressed with out any concerns about being caught. I love it when life becomes simpler

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is the reason why you don't regret it?

My spouse found out years ago, but the time wasn't right for us so back in the closet I went.
About 7 years ago I couldn't take it any longer and we talked and talked and talked. We joined Tri-Ess and met some wonderful people who helped my SO understand that we aren't "freaks", just people who are different. Now we go out all the time together, shopping, dining, movies, etc like any girl friends would do. I can dress about the house anytime I please and do so frequently. We are more open and honest then ever before and things are wonderful.
My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. My self-loathing is gone, no more buy-purge-regret cycles and I have been able to accept myself as who I truly am.

I don't regret coming out to my SO because i feel very honest in our relationship and couldn't image going threw life totally hiding this, and i could have never got this far without her. She seen very early that this was a very big part of my life. I love to shop with her and i feel my strong fem side brings us closer.

I'm only out to two people so I'm not at all as brave as some on this forum; a girl at work and my hair stylist. Both know and have seen pictures but not eyeball-to-eyeball. The girl at work I've known for years and feel comfortable in her knowledge, though it does bring some risk. My hair stylist knowing makes it convenient during those frequent visits.

The fact that I have people with whom I can share this side of my life is amazingly therapeutic. It also gives me a sanity check. Talking to people by chat, email, or forum, is really great. But face-to-face adds realistic aspects that I feel are important.

-stephani

I'm only out to the wife, I came out to her 35 years ago, five years into the marriage. I don't regret it one bit, well maybe one little bit. It must change a way a women sees you, how could it not, but my wife was great about it the first day. We had a few ups and down trying to learn to live with it, but over all it went pretty easy for me. Why I have no real regrets, my feminine clothes hang in the closet in the master bedroom, my chest of drawers is filled with womens underwear, and nightgowns, no mens stuff in the master bedroom at all. I'm free to wear what I want when I want, at home. When I'm dressed I get treated as a women, not as a man, (don't get the wrong idea, we are just girlfriends, not lovers) When I'm in guy mode, I get treated like the alpha male I am. I get to live the best of both sides it seems. While she gets treated like royalty, out of appreciation,for the life she has allowed me to live, so I guess we both have made out alright on this arrangement.
Tina B.

I would say that I'm only out to three people: my wife, her sister, and the LGBT director at work. I don't count the many TG people or their SOs that I've met in recent years. Although I regretted coming out to my wife at first (she was very angry and we had to work through a lot), I am now very glad that I did it. It's nice not to have to hide a big secret from her. She can tell when I'm starting to get stressed from not dressing and will give me some time to do my thing. She sometimes buys femme presents for me. She told her sister, but we hardly ever see her. Although I've never talked about it with my sister-in-law, my wife says she's totally cool with it. I came out to the LGBT director (a gay man) after finding out that he was very supportive of TG people and is very much of the mind that "you never out someone else". It can't hurt to have someone in my corner if my secret gets out at work. To date, I have had no negative repercussions from coming out, but I have come out very carefully. I think the biggest benefit in coming out is that in doing so you can hack away at your own internalized transphobia. If you tell someone, and they are okay with it, why should you feel bad about being TG?

I created a list a short time back which I carried to therapy with me one day and by using it i realized just how many people I have revealed myself to...There were more than twenty and a good bit of them were family members.
Have I any regrets...Yes.Just one and that is that I didn't do it a long time ago.

I have received more acceptence than I ever believed was possible, especially from my daughters...they seem to be more open to the idea than many...perhaps it's because living with me for the last 20+ years they already ahd some idea that I had such yearnings?

I've go absolutely no regret coming out to my friend, who is more like a cousin since we have been really good friends since we were like 5. For writing sake, we will call this friend L, as it is shorter than "my friend." I told L via email about my secret life and she was ever so accepting, and actually happy to find out. She has a cousin who is lesbian and they are really close, so I figured she would be more accepting than anyone else. Her initial reaction was this is a joke, but I clarified that there was no joke. She texts me everynight, "Hey Jess, hows it going? you get the dishes done? lol." I will sometimes respond back, "no honey, but will you take out the trash ;)" and we go back and forth like that for a few minutes. It is just really nice that she is so accepting and we can joke around. Down to the business, we have gone out in public, at walmart around 11 at night. That was the first and only time, so far, but next week we are headed to the mall then mani/pedis. She gives me advice on make up, making several outfits out of a couple items of clothing, and most importantly, girl culture. We have girl culture 1 day a week, last week it was learning all the hottest guys and singing a Justin Beiber song. These are things that are normal in girl life. This week is acting like a girl, such as walking, talking, attitude, and standing still in a fem way. I am so happy I can be honest with her 100% and she is glad to have such a good "girlfriend" that she can be completely honest to because we've always told eachother everything, literally.

So do I regret that I am out to someone, not in the least. Do I regret that I am not out fully to someone, yes. That someone is my SO, but I am working on it.

I have to consider myself blessed in that all my experiences have not been bad. My main thoughts are that I am not telling anyone at work, I want to tell those I tell face to face as it makes a better controlled situation, and no one gets told without discussing it with family members that live near me. This gives them some feeling of control (you don't want to run over family members) and it gives me a sanity check. The interesting part is my wife is all gas pedal (great acceptance) and my oldest daughter is all brakes (great sanity check). None of my in-laws know, but I keep saying that it is a matter of time. Everything is still in progression and going too fast is certainly not a good move.

So far I have told my wife, 2 daughters (not my son who lives 2000+ miles away), and multiple friends. Two of those friends were not pre-planned but we ran into them at a restaurant. They came up and gave me a hug and that was it.

So for me, that means I have relative freedom on dressing. At home is a non-issue as long as we don't have guests and then it depends on the guests. I go out with my wife and daughter on a regular basis. Not so much with friends as it is more of a scheduling problem.

So coming out to me has been a pleasantly relaxing effort. I certainly get nervous everytime I come out to one more person as I am sure many do, but the acceptance has been wonderful and affirming.

This is a brilliant thread. Much more of a type coming from a positive angle.

Any how, I am out to my friends, and my computer job. I am not out to those things I really wish I could be...Aviation, and my family (mother mostly).

When it comes to who I am out to...no remorse, no regrets.

I have no regrets. Why? Freedom from fear... no fear of discovery by others, no fear of self discovery, no fear of ridicule. It has put me in a position to be able to help others as well. I have been able to mentor many girls and help them take those first steps out of their closets. It has also given me multiple opportunities to show society at large that we are just people and there is no reason to be fearful of us. Just yesterday I was at a Burger King soda fountain refilling beverages for my wife and myself when a woman came up to me and asked me how tall I am. I was wearing a zebra print top, white capri pants and about 2" wedgies. I told her I was well over six feet tall. We exchanged some small talk for a few moments. Her parting comment to me was, "You look lovely." :). No... no regrets here. It only took me sixty years to be comfortable being myself. (Some of us are slow learners :eek:).