Snide Remarks

My Wife and I went for pedicures yesterday. I always go en drab. I pull off my socks & shoes and take my seat beside my wife. My toenails are always bright red. There's this gray haired man in his 60's sitting there waiting on his wife. (she was fat & ugly - haha) He's on a cellphone the whole time, talking loud, which is rude anyway. I hear him say on the phone: you oughta see this guy getting his toes painted red. I guess he's got some sugar in his tank. Why wife asks me... did you hear that?

Now, I'm not happy. I'm 6'1" 250, and my natural instinct was to take his phone and make him eat it. But... I kept thinking... if you go start something and end up knocking that man out, you're gonna end up in jail. So, everytime he looked at me, I smiled at him. About 10 minutes later, him and his old bat left. That bothered me the rest of the day. I think I did right by not confronting him, but what I do is my business. I wanted to say something to him, but feared that he would say something smartassed and I would have had the last word. It spoiled what is usually a fun thing for me.

You did the right thing. You'll have people like that. Very insecure, so they have to put other people down and make sure that everybody around them hears it. It's his problem. Let it remain his. As hard as it is to restrain yourself in such circumstances, you did the right thing.

Oh, I understand the reaction! Thing is, you wouldn't have felt any better no matter what you did or said to him, even with a good outcome. The remarks were still humiliating, belittling, and apparently enraging.

Lea

You most certainly did the right thing by avoiding a confrontation. Now you need to work through the reasons that you let his comments spoil an otherwise enjoyable experience. Certainly, he's not the first guy who has had questions about your gender or sexuality. The only difference is that you heard his comments. Let it go. At worst, you provided him with a moment of amusement...or at best he'll be plagued by thoughts of getting his own nails done...or slipping on that pretty sundress he's always wanted. Either way, it doesn't change your life.

I suppose there's also the possibility that your own masculinity was challenged by his comments. (note aggressive tone regarding making an old man eat a cell phone). You've already established that you're comfortable enough in your skin to get a pedi with your wife, so if some part of you was rearing up to defend your manhood - let it go. Again, what he thinks about you doesn't make you any different. You are what you are, and have the confidence to express it. Be proud!

YEP know how you feel but "Sugar in his tank!" never heard that one. I wear my long hair with a barrette most of the time and I often get snide remarks. To aggravate these narrow minded folks I sometimes take it out and shake out my hair and put it back in while they are watching then smile....That last word thing seldom works.

I echo the other responses - you did the right thing. There is probably nothing you could say to such a narrow minded person that would change anything. So just ignore such people, and enjoy your pedicure. I myself love, love, love pedicures, and I am not going to let anything get in between my pedicure and my enjoyment of it! :)

You need to work on your subtle preemptive snide attack!! Lol. I've been honing mine for years much to the chagrin of my wife.. It really adds to the entertainment value of being around ass-holes!!

Hi Cindy,
The problem was all his making. I think you handled that situation with great aplumb by not giving that old man the satisfaction of riling you up. You should not be bothered by what that snarking old gas bag said. You were there to get a pedicure with the woman you love. If you crossdress it is nobodies business but your own and others are in the wrong to demean you in any way. Of course people will always have an opinion of what we crossdressers do in public. I find it is usually the older generation which has the hardest time accepting us as we are. I applaud you for sharing your feminine self with your wife. I have finally experienced the joy of finding a woman who accepts me for who I am, male and female. Someday I will model my wardrobe and she will help me with my makeup. Rejoice that your wife is a rare individual who see's you for who you truly are and cherishes the other side of you. I wish I had the courage to get a pedicure with my SO and maybe I will sometime in the future, TTFN.

The dude was an A-hole but there's no need to insult his wife. She didn't do anything to hurt you and she has to live with him.

Some years ago I succumbed to "road rage" when a manalmost sent me into the netherworld by cutting me off on the highway. I chased after him until I caught up to him off the highway, and was ready to pummel him into obscurity. As I approached him he grabbed his chest and informed me that he had a bad heart, and was experiencing chest pains. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had "clocked" him as I wanted to do. I still shudder sometimes when I think about that day, and what might have become of both of us had the situation gone any further. The moral of the story "CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS", lest they overcome you and you do something a-typical of your normal self. But, as Karen said, prepare some responses for the next time this happens.

What a rude and bigoted man. If it had happened to me I would've made a point of staring at his crotch when he was looking. 10/1 it would've made him so uncomfortable he would've left, lol.

Yes you did the right thing. When I go in I wear open toed sandals, so I don't mess up the toe nail paint afterwards. I often get a haircut first and have many times had other males come in for a haircut and see my nails. They will try and be subtile and sneek peaks. I'm used to it now and think nothing about it. If I had been in your situation I might have said to him "try it, you might like it" Ha,Ha.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will forget never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.

Sorry you experienced that.

I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it. Maya Angelou

Violence is never a successful end to this kind of confrontation. Consider the situation of this man who has had 6 decades to hone his bigotry, rudeness, and arrogance. You can't possibly "fix" that in a couple of minutes, no matter how badly you pummel him :).

Your response was the very best: smile and make it clear you are happy with yourself. Looked at from the other direction, it is he who is humiliating himself. Nothing he could say should be able to humiliate you at all since there is nothing at all wrong with what you are doing. Heck, you are there with your wife and he has the nerve to attempt to insult you both! Really, he is insulting himself!

Smile, and the world smiles with you!

tina

Now I actually want to see you make some bigot literally eat (and chew) their phone, I think it would be funny.
Unless, like many others who put people down he's trying to divert attention from the fact his wife pegs him every night with the American Challenge. And he likes it. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Handled very well. A smile will do one of two things. It will make them relax and smile back or it will p*ss them off. Either way you win. You just never know which kennel his mother came from or which mixed breed jumped the fence.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

You most certainly did the right thing by avoiding a confrontation. Now you need to work through the reasons that you let his comments spoil an otherwise enjoyable experience. Certainly, he's not the first guy who has had questions about your gender or sexuality. The only difference is that you heard his comments. Let it go. At worst, you provided him with a moment of amusement...or at best he'll be plagued by thoughts of getting his own nails done...or slipping on that pretty sundress he's always wanted. Either way, it doesn't change your life.

I suppose there's also the possibility that your own masculinity was challenged by his comments. (note aggressive tone regarding making an old man eat a cell phone). You've already established that you're comfortable enough in your skin to get a pedi with your wife, so if some part of you was rearing up to defend your manhood - let it go. Again, what he thinks about you doesn't make you any different. You are what you are, and have the confidence to express it. Be proud!

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Job done, in my opinion!

Did the fat and ugly wife say anything nasty about you or just the husband?? If just the husband the fat ugly wife deserves more respect!!!!

Wow. Way to show restraint. Me? I'm a hot tempered youngin' compared to alot of the more wisdom filled people here. My reaction, sadly, would result in a glare so strong it would make his hair fall out. If continued ignorance was shown, more than likely, being the large man that I am, I'd probably just take his phone, tell whomever was on the line that he'd call them back, and simply snap his phone clean in two. ;D Respect is something to be earned, not given freely. People get the benifit of the doubt with me. Everyone starts out at a mellow, whatever vibe. How you portray yourself afterwards, well, some people have a phone snapping coming to them. :o

I think that I would have confronted him and made up a story as to why my toes were painted. Something like my Marine combat unit (make up something here) when we returned home we decided to do something really wild to change how we reacted to war situations. We all got a pedicure with toes painted the same color. You could add that it takes away the thought of killing. While you were telling the story, the idiot would be sitting there with a smile on his face until you got to the last sentence.

Well played. There are bigots and narrow minded people who want people to respond to their taunts. Once they get the reaction, they go to the cops and attempt to play victim and then file fourth degree assault charges. Nothing ruins a good day like having to defend your actions to the cops.

You handled it well. If the wife had not been there, then maybe Karren's comebacks would have been n order, and almost demanded by the situation. A person talking on the cell phone has no guarantee of privacy, an dhis conversation was open to the public, including you, and you would be perfectly within your rights to confront him, dress him down, embarrass him, and demand apologies for all within earshot who had to experience his bigotry without asking for it.

At least you could have properly told him to shut the F up and keep his private thoughts private, or take it outside with the rest of the trash. Easy for me to say now, probably would not have thought of it while experiencing the rage buildup

Babes

Adding to the story, the wife was giving me strange looks, too. I didn't care for the way either of them were looking at me, as if I was doing something wrong. I am not a violent person, but I am a human being and I have feelings. My anger came from being insulted. He probably thought I didn't hear his remarks. The ladies at the nail shop are always friendly and glad to see us. Our money spends just like anyone elses. They make us feel welcome unconditionally. If it hadn't bothered me so bad, I wouldn't have written about it 24 hours later.

Well played Cindy! Don't give in to the anger over some jerk who probably was aroused deep down by you and did not know how to deal with his feelings other than put others down. You are way better that anyone like that.

Hugs

Cindy he sounds like a jerk with low self esteem. He saw you as a target to make himself feel better. Too bad we couldn't get people removed from places for comments like that. I hope Karma gets him because it could have been any of us girls.

I don't blame you for being angry.