Pretending to be a cute little girl on the playground/jungle gym (+bought pantyhose!)
I have a funny (and slightly scary) story that happened today that I wanted to share with you all. My personal story isn't directly related to CD'ing since I wasn't actually dressed en femme, but it is related to the feminine/girlish identity that I am striving for. This post is going to be a long and descriptive one, and I'm going to be rambling and rambling, but if you don't want to read the whole thing, the summary is that I always fantasize about being a young girl and having fun on monkey bars, so I decided to play on a set of monkey bars in a yard in Russia (en drab...), I got my foot stuck, a random guy helped me get out, I almost lost my keys and cell phone but eventually found them in the snow after having my hands freeze up. Then on the way home I bought myself my first pair of panty hose. :D
BACKGROUND
So some of you who have been following my posts may have noticed that I have a strong interest in playing on playground equipment, particularly monkey bars and jungle gyms that I can climb on and hang upside down from. It's something that girls do a lot, both little girls and teenage/adult girls. When I was that age as a young boy, I didn't like playing on monkey bars much because the feeling of being upside down and suspended above the ground was kind of scary for me. While back at home (still as a young boy) I would say to myself, "It's time to work up the courage to just do it and hang upside down", but when actually out in the open playground, the sight of those high bars looked too intimidating for me and I just tended to avoid them. Then the high school and college years came around and by that time none of my friends played on the playground, because people simply don't play on the playground at that age, except for occasional girls who just want to relive nostalgia. I, of course, also no longer played on the playground, but I still had dreams of climbing bars and being upside down and enjoyed watching YouTube videos where girls played on the monkey bars - I wanted to be them, I wanted to be a young nimble girl and climb all over the bars without embarrassment or people looking strangely at me!
Well, during my last year of college I once decided to do something. There was a tiny little park not far from my dormitory that I hardly ever saw anyone using, so at around 5:45 AM I got up and headed over to the park. There wasn't anyone around since it was early in the morning, which was good. There was a small horizontal metal bar held together by two wooden poles; with nervousness I sat myself on the bar, took a breath, leaned back and enjoyed the upside-down sensation that I had been too chicken to enjoy during my childhood. I was hanging, and when it was time to get down I surprisingly smoothly flipped down from the bar. I did this a couple times that morning and then said that it was enough (so as not to draw attention), and quickly headed over to a cafe to get some breakfast. I didn't do it anymore while I was at college because I didn't want anyone finding me as a "regular" there, because that would be kind of weird and creepy from most peoples' views.
Then I came here to eastern Russia this year. The thing about most Russian cities is that residential areas with apartments made in the Soviet Union (where I live, that is the dominant style) usually follow a certain pattern. Buildings with apartments surround a small park area that includes a playground. Usually there is a swing set, a thing with stairs and a slide (don't know a better name for it), some of those horizontal bar things that you can hang upside down on, and sometimes sometimes carousels that you can spin with your feet. Generally in these cities there are hundreds of these mini-playgrounds, unlike American cities where they are usually only in public parks (which often don't allow adults to come and play on playground equipment for fear of pedophilia, creepiness, etc.) Well, in Russia you don't often see kids playing on the playground, because there simply aren't as many kids (the birth rate is low). So it isn't too weird to hang out at the playground in Russia, and people in their teens and 20s often hang out and sit on the benches.
MY STORY
Today I went to help out with an English lesson, and when it was over I passed by one of those mini-playgrounds. Except, this one was different...it had monkey bars - the kind where you climb up, you can hook your legs to the top and then hang upside down freely. I had never been upside down on those before (too scared). Well, I was feeling ballsy today so after doing some pull-ups on a nearby bar, I decided to go for the monkey bars. No one was around, as usual. So I climbed up the bar, wiping off the snow and ice from the bars (keep in mind that where I am right now, it is -36 Celsius, or -32.8 Fahrenheit. Quite cold!!) I slowly inverted as I climbed, hooked my legs to the top bars and then slowly let go. I enjoyed the sensation for about a minute, feeling the rush and enjoying the fun upside-down view. But then it was time to get down...uh-oh. My feet wouldn't budge, since I was wearing heavy winter boots. I wriggled and wriggled and managed to get one foot out (only after having my cell phone and keys fall down into the snow). I dangled for a while with one foot stuck. One older woman who was walking by yelled (in Russian; I'm just giving a rough translation), "Your stomach is exposed, you're going to catch a cold!". She probably thought I was really crazy or stupid. Then a younger guy came up and asked me if my leg was stuck and needed help getting out. At this point I didn't care about looking stupid, since my leg was hurting and I was cold, so he lifted my leg out and I fell right down into the snow (which was cold, but at least it didn't hurt). I thanked him and he went on his way. Then I spent a few minutes in a half panic-stricken mode looking for my cell phone and keys, which I eventually found (though they were extremely cold to the touch; so cold that they were frosty and sticky...). Then I started going back home, warming up along the way. I was grateful that the guy didn't make fun of me or anything, since I looked silly as hell. I was also grateful that no one decided to snag any of the belongings that I had carelessly left on the ground as I made my upside-down adventures that lasted longer than I had wanted, heh.
I BOUGHT PANTYHOSE!!!
Well since I had already made a mini-spectacle of myself in a mini-playground, I figured that I shouldn't really care about looking sillier/stupider today, so I decided - before I go home, I'll run to the supermarket and reward myself with a set of pantyhose, which I had never bought or worn before, but have heard great things about. I needed to buy more deodorant and toothpaste anyway so I figured that I'd kill two birds with one stone. I got the items, went to the cashier, paid, and that was it. One about cashiers (and most people working in public service areas in Russia) is that they don't make excessive comments; they only ask/say what is necessary. In this case it worked to my advantage, since I didn't have to do any explanations. Immediately after arriving home, I put the pantyhose on...it's simply wonderful. What in the world have I (and most men) been missing for 23 years? It feels wonderful against my skin, and if I could get away with shaving my legs right now I would totally do so. I'm wearing the hose right now under my jeans (they actually do help keep me warm), and if I'm feeling particularly courageous I might underdress one of these days. It's important for me to take baby steps at this point.
Anyway, that's my background and story. Sorry if it wasn't an interesting read, or if it was too long, and I know that a significant portion of this isn't directly related to cross-dressing, but it's a big part of me and my feminine and CD mentality, and buying the pantyhose was a big milestone for me. I also have a question - have any of you wanted to dress up not as an adult woman or a woman your own age, but that of a cute little girl? When the time comes to solidify my "look", I want to have more of a cute look than a sultry look, even though my masculine features will of course cause some limitations.
