Dressing freely and happily in public

If I could wear a dress and present as a female in public I believe I would be so much happier. If it is not against the law to dress and if dressing is an extension of who we are then why is it so hard to be true to ourselves. I have a burning desire to dress and present my femininity in public and I really don't care what people say or think. My biggest fear though is being a target of ignorance and being beaten up or worse.

I would dress up in my finest dress in a heart beat and go out in public but society is not ready for it.

I believe we all who wish to dress as women should in solidarity together and not be afraid anymore. I feel it would be a wonderful thing to cross gender lines in public and no longer be afraid. I am now middle age and I still live in fear. I don't want to anymore. I just want to be me and I want to wear pretty dresses.

emmi

From what I gather Emmi, the only real issues these days are which rest room to use in public and potentially threatening the holy grail of womanhood.:)

well then put on your best dress go out into public and walk softly and carry a big stick and have no fear

i believe i can slowly in certain instances. maybe even going to target to shop. i do not in the case of work. if i wanted to do that i would have to transition and go for the full sex change which i believe i would be able to do since i am tg/ts. i do have family though which would be my reason for not transtioning. i do want to be accepted for who i am. i am a woman at heart and my dressing allows me to be in sync.

emmi

The problem with blending in is, you usually can not wear your best dress! (or I can't anyway...)

Emmi, if blending in is your goal, Dena is right, the best dress in your wardrobe is probably too much. :) If you feel you're ready, then try something a little more modest (clothes and location) and be confident.

Hi,

Putting aside all you percived road blocks & all,

get your self a nice skirt or slacks pants what ever you like to wear, a nice top a little make up on your hair or wig that suits how you look some nice shoes court or low heels a hand bag ,

oh yea its summer for you's so a nice summer outfit, & then walk out your door & have a nice time in your town or Village, then go to a coffe shop or food bar take a seat & watch the people interact with each other . then go shoping.

This is what i did some 13 years ago. what happened not a lot, one guy & his girlfriend passed me & looked at me & said some thing i took no stock of that & carried on doing what i set out to do. what has changed since then . a lot , thats not the point. the point is you get off your backside & go enjoy your self & just do what ever you like doing,

whats with the clothes whats the hang up your still you . going back to your road blocks , take them down & go through them. its not that hard really you know,
If i can do that & i dont look like a female & i have other issues to contend with then give it a go. the least that can happen is you trip over & iv done that , you just get up & carry on.

...noeleena...

I do believe that some time ago men dare I say that word, did not wear earrings or braids and or ponytails. So what has changed is quite a bit. So all the stuff that you said I am working on. You can help me and all the others here by putting on the clothes you'll be wearing that day and hair and makeup and go out the front door. If by chance someone sees you, the most polite thing to do would be. In a soft voice say Hi smile and keep going. Do that to everyone you don't know, most will smile back. If you see someone you know stop and chat or say "sorry can't stay and chat I am in a hurry. Smile again and hurry on your way. Most time I have been out I have never heard " Attention shoppers there is a woman in the store that looks like she could be a man, pay no attention to her she is shopping to." Ask someone " while holding a pair of something up to yourself "do these make my but look big and be glad like me as I do not have one."

Tess

If you do not care what people think then go out. The only person stopping you is you.

I've got to believe that what the others are saying here is true, Emmi. What's stopping you is you. You're worried about being clocked, having people point fingers at you, and snicker at you far more than you're worried about getting beaten up. Getting read is going to happen. It's an unfortunate part of the whole deal. How you deal with it is the key to successful outings. But if you want to put on your prettiest dress and head out into the public arena, it's your choice. You can either do it and gain the experience of having done so, or find reasons not to do it, and live with the regret of what might have been.

Emmi; I can so relate to your emotions. I do go out in public dressed but being tall, overweight, large hands etc. I feel I stick out like a sore thumb. Sigh I love shopping and most clerks are so wonderful. I still feel though that I don't fit in. Most of my friends and relatives are so narrow minded and homophobic I don't feel I can ever come out to most of them. Just from the jokingly rude comments I have heard from them makes me want to cry. I will never be able to stand up to them and tell it like it is so I just hide in my little closet and dress when I can. I am going to hang in there and I hope you do to. I to just want to be a pretty little girl in a pretty little dress. Hugs Anita

I feel so much better when I've had opportunities to get out as Sally. Find some way that you can express yourself in public. It is so much better for your mental health to be yourself and love your life.

DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Will it be scary? Of course. But you will very soon be over the initial terror.

Listen. Honest to Goddess. NOBODY cares. Middle aged ladies are boring. Nobody cares about them at all. Dress out of the LL Beam or the Lands End catalog. Act dignified and be dignified.

You will never be that 17 year old hottie in the VS catalog. But you wouldn't be that 17 year old hottie now even if you had been born a girl. So give up that fantasy and live your dream that you really can. It's within your reach, honest.

Stephie

Emmi, like my Angel used to tell me, Emmi needs to feel the sun on her face. Dress presentable for the occasion and most people either won't notice or will just as likely give you a "pass", even if you don't pass. Mostly in daytime public places, they simply don't care.

It is true that, to be comfortable, you have to be OK with others knowing, and that really isn't so bad after all. It's just being who you are.

You can do it.

I agree with everyone else Emmi. You just need to do it. I remember how scary it was to me. I mean I was scare to death almost. It took me over 50 years to get the courage to go out.

Try taking small steps. Go out in the cover of darkness. Maybe to a self serve gas station or even for a midnight drive.

Now there is also the possibly that you could have the same thing happen to you that happen to me. My very first time out in public was September 7, 2011. I decided to transition on September 15, 2011 and have been full time ever since.

Life is so short Emmi. Take the chance to be yourself and you could reap the rewards of happiness. Plus when you go out just be happy and people always love happy people.

Tighten those corset laces and GO!!!!!!!

If the public venues are an issue then find a support group in your area. There must be something on Long Island. NY has lots of them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kristy_K

.....Life is so short Emmi. Take the chance to be yourself and you could reap the rewards of happiness. Plus when you go out just be happy and people always love happy people.

---

"And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance.

I hope you dance.

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder

where those years have gone.

I hope you dance." Lee Ann Womack

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emmicd

I would dress up in my finest dress in a heart beat and go out in public but society is not ready for it.

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Most of society doesn't give a crap. They just want to go about their business as unfettered as you do.

How long have you lived in fear and shame, yet regret you've done nothing to change that?

The only one really holding yourself back is you. You'll certainly never succeed in being yourself if you don't even try!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emmicd

I have a burning desire to dress and present my femininity in public and I really don't care what people say or think. My biggest fear though is being a target of ignorance and being beaten up or worse.
I would dress up in my finest dress in a heart beat and go out in public but society is not ready for it.

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So which is it? Do you care what people think or not?

You are going to drive yourself crazy with this kind of circular reasoning. I know you think you're on the precipice of a momentous decision, but you are not. There is a lot of space in between being deeply closeted and transitioning. A whole world in fact. If you're really serious about this than stop focusing on the cross dressing and start looking into the real work of transition like beard removal etc. There are many positive steps you can make without yet coming out socially.

What Danielle said is very true. You are stopping yourself, not the public! For the past seven years, since my dear wife died, I have gone out in public almost every day dressed entirely enfemme! But with a major difference. I wear no makeup and no wig!! I am not trying to pass, I just like to wear feminine clothes such as a skirt and top or a dress. So I do! Since I am not good with makeup or fixing a wig, my dear late wife always did it for me. She is no longer around, so I just go out without doing that. In the past 7 years I have not heard one single negative comment! The majority of people just don't care, unless you dress to delibrately to attract attention.

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Originally Posted by Badtranny

So which is it? Do you care what people think or not?

You are going to drive yourself crazy with this kind of circular reasoning. I know you think you're on the precipice of a momentous decision, but you are not. There is a lot of space in between being deeply closeted and transitioning. A whole world in fact. If you're really serious about this than stop focusing on the cross dressing and start looking into the real work of transition like beard removal etc. There are many positive steps you can make without yet coming out socially.

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Badtranny is there another name I can refer to you by, Is Mellissa a good usable name. I don't think you are bad. Any way I just need to say that you are correct, I always try to look at the lighter side and try to make people laugh. Cause I am having too much fun, well not too much there could always be more. You're direct and correct. You're great. There are other things to do, besides going out. Honestly can I say go girl?

Tess

Emmi, if you're TG or possibly TS, its not about wearing pretty dresses...actually, the big thing is to be able to live in real life....to integrate your desire to present as a woman with the rest of your life. How you relate to your wife, kids, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Its not impossible...but you need to think about and carefully plan your emergence...rather than just sitting around fantasizing about it.

By the way, I dress every day, go out nearly every day and there are just few occassions where a cute dress really works. I love dressing up, but I also like to blend in. Today, I went to the store in a Shaker-knit tunic and white jeans. I looked good, I felt good about myself and I blended in pretty well with the other ladies at the grocery store. (Other than the fact that I'm 6'2" in bare feet!)

Hi Emmi, If it feels right then do it.