Is there more different about us than we know?

What is it that makes it so difficult for some of us to have a successful relationship with a GG? Is it only the CD part, or something inherent in our personalities? For me, this seems to be true whether they knew about the CD'ing, never knew as far as I could tell, those that may have figured it out but never said anything, and those that had said things that indicated they knew, but said nothing about it bothering them until accidentally seeing me partially dressed. They've all had their issues with me, but was it the CD'ing, even if they never knew? Or just something about me, maybe different because of the CD'ing that turned them off, even if they never knew for sure.
I heard one telling her sister that she'd found "all these clothes and heels in my size in the house". From that point on I thought she had always known, but elected the don't ask, don't tell attitude. Late one night she found me on the computer in a dress, heels, and pantyhose. After a few exclamations she just went to bed, and me with her. For a few days she would make quits about heels and skirts, but never a big deal of it. I've been at a loss of what to say about it ever since.
I started crossdressing at about age 5, when I became bold enough to try on a pair of my mom's RHT stockings that I salvaged from the trash can. I quickly became hooked on the smooth silky feel. There was no sexual part of the activity, and never has been. I had slow, gradual increases that continued on long before I ever started dating. And to my surprise, afterward, as so many of us wellknow. I had always thought CDing would disappear from my life when I started dating - when I had real relationships with (GG's) real women. Why would I ever want to CD when I'd be with a GG to make me happy in every way? Maybe it's because the CD'ing was never sexual in nature, so even though the GG's were wonderful, it changed me in ways I never recognized, ways I never realized were hurting them, or changed my behavior in ways I never truly recognized. I used to think that if they would wear the really girl clothes my desire to press would disappear. that if they always wore pantyhoseor stockings, heels, heavy makeup, etc., that I wouldn't feel a need to. that wasn't really true either. iI helped, and I loved seeing than in pretty, feminine attire. One would Always wear pantyhose when we went out, no matter how hot it was, but she only wore toeless nude pantyhose when it was hot. I can't say I blame her there. She always suspected, sometimes asking if that's what I wanted. I came very close to telling her (even now). What has stopped me is she said she broke things off with a guy who she caught wearing her clothes. I always wondered if it was that it was her clothes that caused it. that if I let.her know I have more than enough of my own if she'd be OK with it. I've bought her about 30.cute dresses and 60 pairs of nice quality shoes - mostly heels. She says she likes them all and wants to get married. I can't though, unless I can have at least some certainty that she would also accept me having my own. At this stage, I could probably be happy if I only dressed in the house. I'm too old, with too many male features to blend in anymore, let alone pass. How much could she tolerate? I guess that's the million dollar question, and the really risky one. Some can't tolerate any of it. And when would she finally let me know?

GG's , like us, come in a wide variety. Your CD/TG dentencies are an aspect of your personality, and will be a determining factor in finding te right GG. If you hide it, which really means lying about it, your chances of happiness are slim to none.
There ARE GG's out there that are fine with it, you just have to find them, and that means telling em up front.
I have 32 years with my beautiful wife, and she has been on board with my CD/TG personality for every one of them. Two of my very best girlfriends have loving, accepting wives. One his second wife. He hid the facts from the first and it was a factor in their divorce. Notice I said factor, crossdressing is never the sole cause of divorce. Usually the lying is a bigger issue. Anyway he made a point of telling the girls he dated next about it. When he found one at was OK he would continue to date. Eventually he found his current wife who is wonderful. The other girlfriend, like me, told his wife up front.

For myself I'm to much like a woman to have a successful intimate relationship with one, excellant as friends disastrous as a couple.

My presence in a relationship seems to threaten a woman's own identity and she always becomes unsure of her place in the relationship where with other men this was not a problem.

Usually males and females balance each other but this balance is impossible for me to offer.

I'm an extreme example but I feel a commonality with those who crossdress and I suspect the same forces are at work in their lifes but they are only milder.

The crossdressing is only a surface expression of something much deeper in my opinion and the failure of the relationships had to do with who I am not what I did.

Linda, it sounds to me like you're full of guilt and desperately wondering why you've never felt fully connected to the women in your life because they've never come out to you about your secret.

I imagine this is harder in Maryland than it would be here in the UK but I honestly think you're only going to be happy and you're only going to know whether this is the right one to marry if you tell her who you really are.

I deeply regret not telling my wife until last year, after 22 years together and 16 married. When I finally did, she said she always knew there was something special about me. She's as much in love with Rachel as she is with my male side. There is obviously no guarantee your GG will respond like this but if you go into marriage without clearing the air, you're either going to be guiltily hiding this from her (and possibly yourself) and it'll always come between you. That's what happened with me and Mrs F. It was only one of many things but the fact that I was hiding half of me from her nearly tore us apart.

For the record, my dressing has always contained both sexual and non-sexual elements. This too is fine with my wife. I don't think being with a GG reduces the desire to dress, it just means Linda needs a girlfriend as much as her other side does.

Good luck hun and rely on us for support if you do decide to open up to her!