Damn the pink fog - Anyone have a set of Fog lights? Preferbly DD sized!
Ok,
I have been reading a lot about the "Pink Fog"... It has made me stop and evaluate things. I could seriously use a second opinion from the community here. I suddenly don't know. Am I caught up in the heat of things or am I really bringing Amy out and going all the way CD (no operations for me. I'm happy keeping my boy parts.)
The facts that I know about me and my desires.... I have thought about this all day today.
(While I was a child to teen)
1.) When I was little, I remember wishing that I could wear a pretty dress. I actually expressed this to my Mom once. She blew it off as me just being goofy.
2.) I would play with my Mom's makeup from time to time when I was younger. I never put any more than just a touch on. Maybe some lipstick, or a touch of eye shadow. I put nail polish on once.
3.) I tried some of my Mom's nighties on and loved how silky and feminine they made me feel. It certainly aroused me a lot.
(while I was an adult and married)
4.) After I got married I felt that urge and told my wife about it. We bought some lingerie for me. I wore it under my drab clothes and absolutely LOVED it. Eventually I had to put them away as my wife was afraid I would be outted if caught.
5.) I would play with my wife's makeup kit and try to figure some of it out.
6.) I would get really excited to see how CD's really looked like women, and even loved watching the post-op transgender stories on discovery. I thought it was amazing and SO courageous of them to come out like that. They are so brave. Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to have surgery, but I do admire them!
(As of recently)
7.) (4 years)After my divorce (not related to dressing) and becoming a single father (with kids) I would play with my hair. I have let it grow longer. Not long enough to tie back (yet), but I would love to. I also would love to have my hair in a french braid. I have always wantd to try that.
8.) I had a bra left over from when I bought the lingerie when I was married. The rest of the stuff seemed to vanish after I shelved my inner woman. The Bra remains though! And I would wear it, stuff it, and put shirts on to see what I would look like with boobs.
9.) I have had a problem getting close to any of my Girl friends. I have had several since my divorce but for some reason I never really let them in. We would have sex, and I really liked a couple of them. But for some reason something was just preventing me from opening up and letting them into my heart. I'm not talking about letting them in on my CD-ing because it hadn't re-surfaced again yet.
10.) I have this new energy about me. I love the feeling that I have right now. The pantie that I bought, the thought of buying and usng makeup. Buying a pretty dress to adorn my body. Amy is coming out. I don't think I can or that I want to stop it. I want to embrace this and go for it this time. I can't help but shake the feeling that this is so right, and that this is going to make me feel so much better about who I am.
I have worried my whole life about whether people like me or not. It seriously disturbs me emotionally when people don't like me, or if I get into a fight. I now feel like maybe that was my coping mechanism for protecting Amy. Maybe I don't need that anymore and if I let go of caring what people think, I can really be me.
Am I going crazy, is it the "Pink Fog"? Or am I really a CD-er? I think there is enough evidence in my past to point to this not just being the "pink fog". I think I just answered my own question here.... I just wanted some re-assurance. I am considering coming out to a close friend of mine (a GG). She would be an awesome ally for Amy. She already is beautiful and could help me navigate the feminine minefields. :drink::drink::drink:
