How much do you tell?

So my GF knows that I am a crossdresser, she has known now for 3 months ish and has been amazingly supportive.

At the moment I am (or at least think I am) a fetish dresser, dressing turns me on and makes me quite submissive.

I have what I consider to be a sordid past, 8 months spent in the control of a Dom Mistress (10 years ago), in which I learnt more that I thought was possible. I also tried and did things that are not really for discussion in the open forum. None the less I guess that you all have an imagination for what takes place between a submissive fetish dresser and a dominant Mistress with a playroom.

I enjoyed a lot of the things that I have done in the past but how much do I tell my GF? How intimidating for her will it be to hear what I have done in the past?

Anyway, perhaps I don't even need an answer, perhaps I just needed to write it down.

Some things are not meant to be told...others, on a need to know basis...don't shoot yourself in the foot to spite your face

I think that depends on the seriousness of the relationship > Its your call full disclosure will be necessary if you two get serious I didn't , now wish I would have It would have save both of us a lot of heartache.

Hi Sammy, What makes you think that you will not go back to the Dom Mistress have you given that any thought.

Sammy, you left out a lot of facts that would be needed to answer your question with any kind of answer beyond speculation. As Morgan said, it depends on the seriousness of the relationship for one. Secondly, it depends on whether or not you want to be a submissive to your girlfriend if she would enjoy or desire that role in your relationship. You said that you become submissive when dressed. That sounds a little fetishistic and maybe not the way you want to be to your girlfriend 24/7 if she chose to be the dominant one in the relationship. So both your dressing and your being submissive may be only bedroom games to you. You need to first figure that out. I was a CD long before I ever gave any thought to being submissive to anyone. The Dominant/submissive interest came about a short 1--12 years ago and started out as just an interest for sexual enjoyment or kink. Over a short period of time, it became as much of desire as my crossdressing. My being submissive is to ONLY the woman I am in a serious relationship with. Other then her, I am not submissive at all. So you need to address what it is you want in this relationship with your girlfriend before you can begin to think about whether or not you should tell her. If the submissive thing is in your past and you don't desire this with your girlfriend, I see no reason to tell her, especially if you and she are not committed to each other with long range plans. I am in love with a very loving dominant woman and it's not a kink for us, it's our chosen lifestyle 24/7. Even my crossdressing is secondary to the relationship and not necessarily a big part of the relationship...just a small part of it.

Never Admit Anything !!! Shut up !! Only Let them know what they NEED ,, Need to know Basis ,,,, Some thing are personal ,,You dont have to go round telling every dam thing you have done ! Hell it leaves no Mystery ! An some folks just cant HANDLE the TRUTH !!!

I would REALLY think twice about what I would reveal what happened in the past.

Molly

Once the relationship becomes serious, you should tell her. She has a right to know and have all the facts before making any commitments, just like a woman has the right to know about one's TVism before making a commitment.)

Thanks all for your replies.

We have been together 4 years, we have long term plans for the future and our lives together. I have no intention of ever going back to the dominant Mistress of my past (for whatever reason that will never happen again).

The more I think about it the more I feel that my past is one of the things that shaped the wonderful person I am today, which makes me feel like I should tell her.

I would like my GF to become my Mistress, but not outside of playtime.

I understand that some people can't handle the truth and that I shouldn't tells things unless I have to, but what does that make me? A liar by omission?

Tell her you are CD.
Tell her you spent 10 years with a dominatrix.
No embellishments, no details.
Then, just answer the questions truthfully without full details.
If she wants to know she will ask the questions, and from this you can work out how much detail you need to go into.
It's not lies just a lack of information and not dishonest.
If people don't ask the right questions they don't get the answers.

Have you left that behind you? Or, are you imagining you would do it again? Then, you need to tell her, and it will probably end your relationship. Very few women would care to be involved in a potential menage' like that!

I can also imagine your bringing this up, cause' you might want to involve her as a new mistress? If that is so, "Yeah, you need to tell her!"

If it's "Past History," something you once experimented with, and have discarded? It now becomes a matter of your ethical feelings, and perhaps consideration for her feelings. To me, it would be like sharing Info about past lovers. I would guess she really wouldn't want to hear about it.

Peace and Love, Joanie

Least said, soonest mended.
If you are serious about making this relationship work, kill off the old one.
No need for it to threaten this new one.
It's just baggage. Ditch it. Forget it. Never refer to it again.
Silence IS golden!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cdsammy80

So my GF knows that I am a crossdresser, she has known now for 3 months ish and has been amazingly supportive.

At the moment I am (or at least think I am) a fetish dresser, dressing turns me on and makes me quite submissive.

I have what I consider to be a sordid past, 8 months spent in the control of a Dom Mistress (10 years ago), in which I learnt more that I thought was possible. I also tried and did things that are not really for discussion in the open forum. None the less I guess that you all have an imagination for what takes place between a submissive fetish dresser and a dominant Mistress with a playroom.

I enjoyed a lot of the things that I have done in the past but how much do I tell my GF? How intimidating for her will it be to hear what I have done in the past?

Anyway, perhaps I don't even need an answer, perhaps I just needed to write it down.

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Hi there Sammy,

Ok here it goes ....i am in a relationship w a CD that like you is fetish/CD which is common amongst some cds.
From what I have seen from what you have expressed... Let her know you are a CD and that you were previously involved w/ a DOM. and that you might, if it is ok w her, to engage in some of those activities with her. ask her if she has any questions and give her the info that she is asking for. Most women can handle the info she is asking for. I know if it were me ...i might not like the answers that I am asking for but it is better to have the truth rather than outright deception.

if she is intersted in finding out what it is about there are two good books out there on the subject : Both written by CLaudia Varrin; titled Female Dominance: Rituals and Practices and Erotic Surrender:The sensual Joys of Female Submission. Both are nicely written.

They can be either bought online or at Bookstores....I made that guy at the bookstores day when they came in and I picked them up. (I got it at Half Price books) i just wanted to find out about it.... curious. This way she can make an informed decision. To see if it is for her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jo-Ellen

Some things are not meant to be told...others, on a need to know basis...don't shoot yourself in the foot to spite your face

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This

I think a lot of us can safely say there are things in our pasts which belong just there - in the past. There are things I have done in my past (nothing serious or disturbing) that my wife will NEVER know about and will end up in the grave with me. That is because they are not important in the grand scheme of our relationship. There is nothing that can harm or hurt her or our daughter so why bother?

As long as you understand the past, can use it in a positive way and learn from it - there is no harm unless it is something MAJOR / Life threatening. Example of what I mean is that my wife does not know how I started dressing or why. She has never asked or shown an interest - so why tell her? I see the same here, unless your GF asks or has reason to suspect something I personally would keep it locked in the past in the "leave alone and do not touch" drawer.

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Originally Posted by Lady Panda

Hi there Sammy,

if she is intersted in finding out what it is about there are two good books out there on the subject : Both written by CLaudia Varrin; titled Female Dominance: Rituals and Practices and Erotic Surrender:The sensual Joys of Female Submission. Both are nicely written.

They can be either bought online or at Bookstores....I made that guy at the bookstores day when they came in and I picked them up. (I got it at Half Price books) i just wanted to find out about it.... curious. This way she can make an informed decision. To see if it is for her.

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Hi Lady Panda, I never heard of the author or the books you mentioned. I'll have to ask my SO if she has. But another leading authority on the subject of female Dominants is Louise Sutton. She also has a website that answers many questions for those interested in the subject. http://elisesutton.homestead.com/main.html/

don't tell her anything..... not like not telling is like lying.....

If this is your intended wife then it might be best to tell her you were with a mistress in the past. You don't have to tell her the details though. Who knows maybe she is a dom herself.

All we can give you is opinions. You know yourself, and your GF better than we do. You can take our advice, our own stories, our tales of caution and/or results of our own forays into honesty, and apply them to your situation and "local knowledge."

Here is my tale and reasoning. I told my very good friend, because I thought she could handle it, and wouldn't run away screaming. I told her because I want to persue something more with her, I didn't want to start off with a lie, even if only one of omission. I told her because this is part of who I am, it's been a part of my sexuality from before I had sexuality. Spending intimate time with her, knowing I had this secret would have done me no favors. Her reaction was way better than I expected, it barely caused her to blink, our conversations went on as before, only now we also talk about underwear choices as well.

You have to weigh the possible negative results of telling, with what an honest base means to you in terms of the relationship. Think hard and long.

I have mixed opinion on this. The past is the past. Does she tell you about her previous relationships? Probably not. What happened before her doesn't mater. She doesn't need to know about your pass relationships. If on the other hand you would like that sort of relationship with her. Then you might want her to know that you like being submissive and have considered her being your mistress. If that is the case and she is interested; then it wouldn't hurt to let her know you have experience in that area. Otherwise; it doesn't need to be brought up.

You have the opportunity to be the most honest single guy in town. Agree with me or not, every person in the world has a threshold of tolerance. There is literally nothing to gain for either of you by disclosing your past. If it's something you like and want to engage with her, then start the role play with her, and not by telling her guess what - I am real vet at sub/dom role play, here's every messy detail.

Thankyou all for your advice. Against much of the advice I was given I decided to tell my GF about my past. She didn't freak out as I thought she might. She is a wonderful woman who offers me nothing but support and I am very lucky. She has already done alot of research and we are setting some time aside to experiment in what she described as "role reversal games".

As always thanks to you all.

Sammy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cdsammy80

Thankyou all for your advice. Against much of the advice I was given I decided to tell my GF about my past. She didn't freak out as I thought she might. She is a wonderful woman who offers me nothing but support and I am very lucky. She has already done alot of research and we are setting some time aside to experiment in what she described as "role reversal games".

As always thanks to you all.

Sammy

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Hi Sammy,
I am so glad that you decided to fully disclose and giver her a choice!! Kudos to you.
I am also glad that it worked out good. :hugs:

Hi,]

When Jos & i got to gether she told me every thing about her self & i mean .....EVERY.....thing. so i could say yes i will marry you reguardless.

Jos got to know allmost every thing about my self yes i was a prat. thick & a jackass. the only detail i could not tell her was i m intesexed. because i knew what i was just had no words to explain . & id make a hash of trying to explain . other than that she knew every thing else.

we survived 34 years together known each other for 37. ups & downs as well.

I allso told Jos being with me would not be easy it would be hard. how true that was. & to be quite honist i was surprised Jos even wonted to marry me.

because i did not think it possiable. thinking back because i was/am not a male in the proper sence i was the most un romantic person you could find i missed on every count what a male should be like. yeap i sure missed that.

I cant tell you what to do as its not my place too.so you could lose your girlfriend if you tell her every thing yet later in years to come think how she would feel when your life becomes a open book think what that would do. how would you react to that so think as she would its not now its later as well.

...noeleena...