For my first night out...

SO....I hear a lot of "just enjoy yourself"...but yikes! I still have fears. I've got girls as friends that are going to support me. I've gone to consoling and my therapist (who is awesome) tells me I can't worry about others....I've even told her about this site and how your stories on here give me strength and confidence - without really ever posting before, knowing any of you, or anything like that.

But here I am at this point/stage - where I'm going to take that knee wobbly step.

The thoughts that are my "barriers" are - "everyone is going to be looking at me and judging me" when I step into the bar. Or...I feel amazing dressed, but still see the "guy me" when I see me in a mirror.

I've gone to the drag bar as a guy...and see others and don't thing any more or less of them regardless of their look - other than "damn them for doing it an not me!!" hehe

Are my thoughts common/natural? Tell me it will be okay!!

I'm sorry if this is a lame or redundant post to anyone....just looking for guidance from the group

Perfectly normal. You just have fear of the unknown which most of us have about any number of things. Once you take that first step and see how much fun you're having, you'll probably say to yourself, "Why haven't I been doing this all along?"

Now go get 'em!

Hi Paula , Probly after you go out you will be wondering what took so long.

I know....I feel that way too

I just have to take that first step and I'm not sure why it's so hard

It's time to put on your big girl panties and walk out that door! I can still remember my first time how uneasy and scared I was! Now I think nothing of it!

Who wears panties??? :p

And I have been fantasizing about that exhileration

The time will come and you will just do it. You can plan til the cows come home, but it will take an unplanned impulse to make you do it. don't sweat it, it will come, and you will enjoy.

Barbara

Go do it for all of us who are afraid to! And let us know how it goes :)

I felt the same way the first time I went out. Now it is just second nature. Just carry your head high and proud, gather your confidence and you will end up having one helluva good time. Once the cat is out of the bag, it ain't goin' back!!

Rather than making a trip to a bar, why don't you try something a little less stressfull as a first (and second, and third) time out? A stoll around the park, a walk downtown in the business or tourist district, a walk around or through a mall or shopping center, etc.? Dress for the occasion of course. These are situations where you will be seen but probably won't have to interact with people.

When you get some experience and comfort, then head for the bar. At the bar, remember, being crossdressed and drunk is not a good combination so take it easy on the drinking for your own safety.

For those of us who have been going out & about for years, it's very easy to say "just ignore everyone else and have fun" but that kind of attitude comes with experience. When I first started going out in my very early 20's, it happens that I didn't even have a chance to over-think it. I just did it.

For someone who is about to embark on their first steps into this wonderful world of ours, I totally get the nervousness. And I'm not sure if reading all of the tales in these pages emboldens the reader or makes it that much more difficult. Either way, my advice is to just do it and see how you feel afterwards. And of course you will need to write about it here afterwards.

And remember, pictures or it didn't happen!!! ;)

Totally normal. We all feel apprehensions. After the first few steps out, those will begin to fall away.

When i first started going out i was terrified, but it was so much bigger in my head than the reality, quite honestly i would never want to be held back by my own fears again, it's just not worth it, and we know what we're capable of until we face it head on. So put your gladrags on, go out with your head held high and have yourself an amazing time, and at 2am when your blurry and your feet hurt, you'll know it was all worth it!

x Flic x

From your profile pic, you look great. Do it all of us that can't.

Everything you wrote is exactly what we all think. But try and think about how hard you really look at anyone, wherever you go. You are norton "display" unless you out yourself by the attire you wear. Do remember that anyone who looks will know you are a guy. It's just the way it is, but most people just don't care and move on. Relax. With women at your side, it will be easier. have fun

A normal reaction but there is strength in numbers.
When in a group you are less likely to be read than when walking alone.

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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

A normal reaction but there is strength in numbers.
When in a group you are less likely to be read than when walking alone.

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I'm speaking out of ignorance here, I'll admit, but I suspect that a group might sometimes have the opposite effect. There is certainly strength in numbers in terms of confidence/support and being able to retreat into a group of circled wagons if necessary. I think, though, that many of the members here may well blend in more readily flying solo than being in a group. If it's a group of GGs, our differences (height, musculature, etc) may tend to be more apparent or accentuated than they would be if we were solo. If it's a group of Ts, there may be less of disparity in physical "tells," but perhaps a higher likelihood of the group itself attracting attention. Of course, every person and situation is different, so it's impossible to generalize. Best wishes, everyone! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AzPaula

I know....I feel that way too

I just have to take that first step and I'm not sure why it's so hard

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Maybe it's like that first time riding a bike, or that first time not touching the bottom of the pool ... and then it becomes second nature. Well, maybe there is a difference -- that first rush whne you go out the door is still there! Take a deep breath, trust your antiperspirant and go, girl!

As Jennifer wrote, don't worry about passing because in the early stages you probably won't. In the club scene, people care even less about your appearance then when you're going out to daytime mainstream places. People are out to dance, drink and have fun and if anything, enjoy seeing people doing something interesting and different. If you can have friends with you that is the ideal. Have fun and just do it!

I have been going out now for 7 years and wish I hadn't waited until I was 50 to do this!

Having only have gone out twice still learning much myself, but the biggest step is opening your front door and walking out. This was not easy for most people, after about an hour to two hours I just said the hell with it and went. It is very nerve racking but extremely exciting at the same time. I do my best to try to blend in, so people from accross the street in the evening would not look at me twice, like others have said be careful while out en femme.

The first step is not easy but most things that are worth doing are rather like that. When you are ready and do go out it is a wonderful experience. :) Have fun.

A very good girl thats a friend of mine told me a while ago, that when you do something/anything in life that makes your heart race, or that makes you nervous to step out of your comfort zone and try - that your growing as a person. I think it applies here more than anything. It's what's pushing me to "grow"