I want a Boyfriend 0.o?

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

Yeah, I know the feeling, minus the dating a girl right now bit... I think of myself as straight, maybe a touch bi, but sometimes the pink fog rolls in super thick it seems and well...you know.

I would not worry about it. it sounds like when you are dressed you start thinking of things you believe a woman would think about. Maybe later you will actually get a boyfriend but it won't be soon. It isn't unusual in your mind. Doing it will be a lot harder,

I am at a point where the right man could work, but he will have to work hard for it. This is because I have been treated like a Princess by two men and I liked it. :) But then I have never had anything against dating men who meet certain criteria

I enjoy partially dressing as a woman, and would very much enjoy dressing entirely as one and being altogether convincing. But my internal fantasies always revolve around a mythical woman being drawn to my male true self camouflaged by my feminine accouterments. I never fantasize about men or have ever thought about having a boyfriend. Maybe you are gay or bi and just need the right circumstances to let it happen and accept it?

I know the feeling, and it's not just when I'm in girl's clothes. I consider myself slightly bisexual. Every now and then I will be attracted to a guy. I've been intimate with a couple guys and it was pretty great. Maybe you're just curious. There's nothing wrong with it. :)

I've thought the same, but I concluded that I simply wished to be valued as a woman, desired as a woman -- anytime I've made my male friends feel awkward (in a flattering sort of way) I've felt very self-satisfied; perhaps even ecstatic, but I've realized that I'd prefer to be desired PERIOD, as a woman, or as a man, by another woman. Male attention can be flattering, but, for me, the satisfaction ends with flattery.

I do have some thoughts like that every now and then.
It was nice the last time but it didn't work out in the end I wasn't gay enough for him.

I can't deny that I have had those feelings myself.

I found an interesting solution for myself. My wife enjoys a little cross dressing herself and yesterday I had her try on a pair of my boxer briefs to see if she liked the feel. She treated me like a woman, one thing led to another and we had a lot of hot fun with role reversal.

We spent the whole afternoon like that.


Hugs,
Jamie

I too occasionally have this kind of thoughts. I'm thinking its most probably curious me in action... maybe more...

Jamie, sounds really nice. Wonder if I'd get to do something like tat some day...

Allison...nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It can be a fantasy, it can be a reality, but its YOUR feelings and they belong to you alone. and yes, I've had thoughts as well and would love to have someone take are of me and vice versa, nothing to freak out about

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

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Originally Posted by ReineD

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

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I'm of the opinion that a lot more people than we may initially think have homoerotic fantasies. For the majority it will only ever remain a fantasy, and they'll have no intention of acting them out for real. I wouldn't class it as repressed homosexuality though, simply because in entertaining such fantasies in the mind isn't actually trying to repress them but rather embrace them. Nor would (or indeed should) people who have such fantasies regard themselves as gay or even bi. They may just like the idea (fantasy) yet in reality they would look at any person of the same sex and feel no sexual attraction whatsoever.

From what Allison said in her opening post, I get the impression that the idea of her having a boyfriend is more appealing than actually going out and getting herself a boyfriend for real. Hence, it's just a fantasy for her. And there's nothing wrong with that and keeping only as a fantasy. Allison says that she isn't gay, and doesn't even regard herself as bi, and I would agree with her.

Hi Reine. Brand new here and stumbled across your post. I felt it was a great issue to address so yours is the first time I post in these forums!

Okay, simply put it can mean a lot of things or nothing. The good news is you both are communicating so there is a significantly less likelihood of your SO going behind your back on the issue. Fantasies are just that, fantasies. I have fantasies that revolve around my real nature and repeat consistently. I have others that do not revolve so much around my nature but come and go depending on mood. The latter tends to be the excitement of the taboo of it all. Example, I have had a fantasy involving being a slave/owned. This one comes and goes, varies widely on degrees. It can be a nurturing situation or literally I am a piece of property where decisions related to my body are made for me. Ultimately this isnt who I am but the taboo of it makes it erotic at times.

Let me point out my view on gay, straight, bisexual before continuing. I tend to think there is only a small percentage of true straight and gay. The vast majority of the population falls in the bisexual grey. It all depends on the circumstances. Some actively pursue bi encounters. Others do both but lean towards one gender. Others still would never consider it except for the right situation. "Gay" man stranded on an island for decades with a woman there is a decent chance they will play. "Straight" man in prison for 50 years and there is a decent chance they will have a same sex encounter.

In terms of your SO his male mode homoerotic fantasy could be a couple things.

1) Just a taboo fantasy like mine.
2) A passing consideration related to crossdressing. I doubt there is any CD that hasnt at least entertained the idea of being with the same sex. Note I said entertain. Most dismiss it.
3) Crossdressing is an outlet for his nature. He could be true gay or bisexual but due to societal constraints or gender typing his brain couldnt accept that he is either as a man. His crossdressing was a way to make his feeling work within the confines he was in at the time.

Now addressing your concern related to gay or TS:
1) TS Concern: Is this scenario possible? Yes. Coping mechanisms create very odd outlets. However, chances are he is not TS. First, if he was TS he would have real issues with his penis. As such the fact his fantasy involves him with a man while he is in boy-mode strongly leads away from him being a TS.

2) Gay Concern: Again, this is possible and of the two its the most tricky. However, considering he is with you and exploring cross dressing there is a strong statistical chance that he is not gay. Bi? Probably but there we enter into what shade of grey. Bi is irrelevant in your concern though because as long as he is attracted to women then the issue becomes whether he will cheat or not. If he isnt a cheater then guy or girl wont matter.

So what does all this mean to you? You are stuck where you were when you started reading but maybe you have a better perspective on things. However, you two obviously have excellent communications. In addition, you seem exceptionally understanding, open minded and accepting. Clearly he trusts you for you to even know all this to worry about. That is a rare thing with CDs. We all to often live in the shadows because most people arent as accepting as you.

So, long story short, your best bet is openly discuss the situation. You deserve to know if there is more to this fantasy. Dont be confrontational. Just follow up on it and let him know you are supportive of whatever the case may be but you feel its only fair to both of you that it be discussed. The point is to put him at ease in case he believes he is gay and feels it might be too much for you to handle or even that he may be ashamed of it. This way he will be most likely to open up and you will get your truth. From there you can both make informed decisions.

Hope it helps :)

A thought can just be a thought. I had gone through a phase when those thoughts of having a boyfriend were really appealing to me (especially when crossdressing) but as the years went on I knew it was more than a thought, that I was in fact Bi, and attracted to men as well as women. Finally accepting it was a huge relief!

But, people should definitely realize it can just be a slight thought. Nobody is normal when it comes to the strange matter the brain sends to the surface...

Or you may even be pansexual. The idea of not being attracted to men, but just not being inhibited by the belief that you "can't be with one" or " can't spend a night with one."

Just remember to listen to yourself. It may seem confusing sometimes trying to match the spiritual longings to mankind's labels, but in the end, do what makes you happy! :)

Allison, how did u find out if u liked zuccini or not? U must take a bite to find out for sure!

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Originally Posted by ReineD

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

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Reine, it's not necessary for us to be dressed to have these, "with a man", fantasies. Because, in our fantasies, we always r!

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Originally Posted by LexiTV

I tend to think there is only a small percentage of true straight and gay. The vast majority of the population falls in the bisexual grey.

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I could not disagree more. There is a spectrum, no doubt, but there is a cliff from straight or gay into bi.

I get those also, but not for an ongoing BF just one for a few hours every now and then.

Hi Jenn,

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

Allow me to expand on mine until you have a chance to clarify. From my view to be true gay or straight you have to be wired to be simply not trigger on the opposite sex in terms of gays and same sex in terms of straights as sexual. Meaning, you would not be able to get turned on at all at the idea and may even be revolted by it. Example, I am not into bestiality. I do not sexually trigger when seeing an animal and find the idea of having sex with one is revolting. While stats on "true" gay and straight dont exist in my opinion that extreme wiring in terms of your own species is rare. Humans are if nothing else generally adaptable and thus my feeling on the wide shades of grey in terms of bisexuality.

Now, you can have huge sections of the grey that are for all intents and purposes "true" gay or straight because they lean heavily into the hetero preference. For many the idea of same sex encounter would not even enter their mind until something drastic happened like the island or prison scenarios I listed earlier. Normally the people would strongly identify as gay or straight but in these scenarios they are able to adapt to the situation to meet a sexual need. If they fit into the hard wired straight or gay, they would simply be unable to contemplate or successfully engage in the alternative sex for them.

Anyway, its my theory, and it is just that a theory. It will never be born out until society is much more honest with itself or advances in mapping the brain take several leaps. For me it fits my observations and explains the facts as they stand. Other theories do as well but this one works for me :)

It is a fantasy I have had on occasions.

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Originally Posted by LexiTV

Hi Jenn,

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

Allow me to expand on mine until you have a chance to clarify. From my view to be true gay or straight you have to be wired to be simply not trigger on the opposite sex in terms of gays and same sex in terms of straights as sexual. Meaning, you would not be able to get turned on at all at the idea and may even be revolted by it. Example, I am not into bestiality. I do not sexually trigger when seeing an animal and find the idea of having sex with one is revolting. While stats on "true" gay and straight dont exist in my opinion that extreme wiring in terms of your own species is rare. Humans are if nothing else generally adaptable and thus my feeling on the wide shades of grey in terms of bisexuality.

Now, you can have huge sections of the grey that are for all intents and purposes "true" gay or straight because they lean heavily into the hetero preference. For many the idea of same sex encounter would not even enter their mind until something drastic happened like the island or prison scenarios I listed earlier. Normally the people would strongly identify as gay or straight but in these scenarios they are able to adapt to the situation to meet a sexual need. If they fit into the hard wired straight or gay, they would simply be unable to contemplate or successfully engage in the alternative sex for them.

Anyway, its my theory, and it is just that a theory. It will never be born out until society is much more honest with itself or advances in mapping the brain take several leaps. For me it fits my observations and explains the facts as they stand. Other theories do as well but this one works for me :)

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Ah, but if you were trapped on an island for 50 years with only an animal to keep you company... lol :)

I have no doubt that there are people out there who, if straight, find the idea of being with a person of the same sex as equally as revolting as you find the idea of being with an animal is. Or if gay, find the idea of being with a person of the opposite sex as equally as revolting.

I do however understand your point, and I do think there is a certain credibility to it. That's not to say that I agree with you completely however. I do believe sexuality is more fluid than many people think, and I think there are several factors involved that (for want of a better word) enable us to become sexually attracted to a person. And one of those most certainly can be circumstance. Put a person in an extreme circumstance (like the two examples you mention), then who knows? But I do not think that such extreme circumstances (which by definition would also be extra-ordinary) should define a person's sexuality. To me, it's folly to suggest that, for example, should a gay man trapped on an island for 50 years with a woman end up engaging in sexual activity with her, then that therefore means he is bisexual. I simply can not accept that rationale. Simply because sexuality is a preference, but it's also a need. I am gay and I could certainly imagine myself being with a woman under such circumstances (such as trapped on an island with a woman), but that would only be because there would be no men around.

Oh right. Completely agree, any theory even if proven right many times also proven to have been a bit of a simplification and not encompass every aspect.

And no I wouldnt consider bestiality even then smart arse :P (I tease) but that is exactly my point. No matter what the situation, the hard wired straight or gay would simply not be able to adapt their sexuality to alternatives. The meaty middle on the other hand will date both sexes, date one and play with the other, play around depending on the mood or do it under certain circumstances depending on where they fall in the grey spectrum. Jack Sparrow summed it up nicely in a different context: There is what you can do and what you cant do. For the "true" straight and gay types, they just cant go against their nature. The rest? All depends on the who, what, where, and when more or less :)

However, I stress, nothing is perfect. I speak in generalities here. You obviously are the very cute wrench in that theory but overall I still stand by it. :D

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Originally Posted by jenni_xx

Ah, but if you were trapped on an island for 50 years with only an animal to keep you company... lol :)

I have no doubt that there are people out there who, if straight, find the idea of being with a person of the same sex as equally as revolting as you find the idea of being with an animal is. Or if gay, find the idea of being with a person of the opposite sex as equally as revolting.

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I am definitely bi but married and not looking to get out of marriage anytime soon although an "f" buddy would be nice sometimes but no real commitments. I like the company of another man for many reasons some sexual and some because I'm so competitive with my sports (cycling, mountain biking, running, etc) its nice to have someone of a physical equal to push you harder. With a bf, it makes it even more special I guess. Guys who are just friends sharing in those activities are definitely different. Certainly makes the cold camping nights at the top of a mountain more fun as the wife wont camp below 30 at night.

I also liked the playful physical activities guys do and they are certainly more fun when you are not worried about hurting you partner (i.e. naked wresting, lol)

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Originally Posted by LexiTV

Oh right. Completely agree, any theory even if proven right many times also proven to have been a bit of a simplification and not encompass every aspect.

And no I wouldnt consider bestiality even then smart arse :P (I tease) but that is exactly my point. No matter what the situation, the hard wired straight or gay would simply not be able to adapt their sexuality to alternatives. The meaty middle on the other hand will date both sexes, date one and play with the other, play around depending on the mood or do it under certain circumstances depending on where they fall in the grey spectrum. Jack Sparrow summed it up nicely in a different context: There is what you can do and what you cant do. For the "true" straight and gay types, they just cant go against their nature. The rest? All depends on the who, what, where, and when more or less :)

However, I stress, nothing is perfect. I speak in generalities here. You obviously are the very cute wrench in that theory but overall I still stand by it. :D

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And so you should!!! :) My reply is nothing more than my own opinion, and I certainly can not back it up with fact to dispute your own view. Like I said in my previous post, I do see the credibility/logic in your opinion, and so even though I don't completely agree, I certainly wouldn't be arrogant enough to dismiss it out of hand.

For the record, just so no one gets the wrong idea, beastiality is something that I find revolting also!!! :))

x

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Originally Posted by LexiTV

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

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I do understand your theory. You believe that most straights and gays can move into the bi "zone" easily. My theory is quite the contrary. If you consider the self reported statistics: 10% of the general population is gay, 90% are straight, bisexuals will suck up a little of both those stats, but to argue that gay only or straight only is the minority seems crazy to me. If you are straight or gay, going the other way, for most, is not on the table. Regardless of how many years one is locked up. If you are bi, more power to you, you have twice the odds of getting a date as the rest of us. But my opinion, belief, theory, whatever is that the bisexuals are a very small niche.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

If you are bi, more power to you, you have twice the odds of getting a date as the rest of us.

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In theory that makes complete sense. But it's often the case that bi people are (for want of a better word) shuned by both the straight and gay community. A bi-sexual guy will often experience women who don't want to date him because they are scared that they will never be able to completely fulfill his sexual desires. And many gay men won't go anywhere near a man who identifies himself as being bisexual. Often it's the case that the only way a bisexual person will meet a partner is if (s)he doesn't announce themselves as bisexual. That is, they lie to any potential partner.