Highs and lows of CDing

As a long time CDer I have encountered many highs and lows. The highs involve the rush of dressing, getting new clothes and having my wife know and mildly accept my dressing. The lows involve the loneliness of hiding my secret from everyone else, feeling trapped in my house while dressed, the shame I still feel at times when I feel bad vibes from my wife when dressed and the pain I feel for her having to carry "the secret" around with her...my highs can be her lows and I struggle with that at times.

What are your highs and lows?

I think you hit most of our highs and lows right on the head. I get a total high when I am finally able to go shopping and pick out a new outfit, then get an hour or two of free time and get to try it on and see how it looks. Then I realize that here I am trapped in the life that was given to me. Keeping my dressing hidden from family and friends. Trapped in my own "closet" because I am too afraid of how others will judge me if I would open up and tell them. Society provides the low that most of us feel.

I don't really see highs and lows in crossdressing. Being stuck in the house might be a low, but there's no reason I can't just change back to boy mode and go outside.

My wife hasn't given me any indication that keeping my "secret" is any sort of burden.

Real life has its highs and lows, dressing is no different.

I do not have highs and lows now but when I first started out it was a roller coaster ride.

Like Beverly, my highs and lows were highly amplified when I first started (as teenager). Wow, they were high and deep and often came within moments of each other. My lows now are mainly that my SO and I have a DADT policy and she has no interest indiscussing any of this. Thank goodness for this forum. I was so lonely before I joined.

My low was being carefully hidden away in my flat, afraid that anyone might see me or come to know about me. I was getting desperate. I felt like I was in prison.

So I got out. I went over to living as myself full-time. I'm about as high now as one could possibly be. I wonder if it will last. I intend to try and make it last.

Annabelle

For myself one of the highs would be interfacing with my friends en femme. One of the lows would be how this stuff drains my pocket book.:)

The only low I have is when I have to change back into male clothes.......I hate that.

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Originally Posted by NikiMichelle

As a long time CDer I have encountered many highs and lows. The highs involve the rush of dressing, getting new clothes and having my wife know and mildly accept my dressing. The lows involve the loneliness of hiding my secret from everyone else, feeling trapped in my house while dressed, the shame I still feel at times when I feel bad vibes from my wife when dressed and the pain I feel for her having to carry "the secret" around with her...my highs can be her lows and I struggle with that at times.

What are your highs and lows?

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Your description has pretty much hit the nail on the head for me. Except my wife is less than 'mildly' accepting.

But yes, I do feel bad for her, too, that the secret is one she can't talk over with anyone like her sister or friends, etc. I do wish I wasn't so consumed by this obsessive hobby, just for her sake.

They are pretty much the same as your. A real downer is when my wife said she has to lie can't talk to anyone about it. Feel like I would have been better off not saying anything at all. I know this hurts her inside.

Ditto to original post, all of that. Question is how to deal with the low end of it?

My biggest high was the first time I had enough courage to go to a store completely dressed as woman. It was funnest and scariest thing I had ever done but now because of that high moment I find myself at my all-time low. I will be divorced in the few weeks; a 22 year marriage will be over. I loved her and would have always been good to her but because I went out without her knowledge,then not telling her about it for about 9 months the marriage is now over. So now I'm trying to pick up all the pieces of my life and start all over again.

Thanks for all the feedback...you responders seem to be on the same page as me...and like Almost another low for me is changing back to male clothes...

Also, my lows are relative to my CDing side, not my life in general...I am happy outside my quirky femme side!

Take care all...enjoy it because "it ain't going away!"

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Originally Posted by almostalady

The only low I have is when I have to change back into male clothes.......I hate that.

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Exactly how I feel!! I wish I could just toss out every bit of my male clothing but have to work as a man, for now anyway. At least I no longer own ANY mens underware!! Throwing those out was a big high for me! Also having all my drawers and closet filled with womens clothes feels great. My guy stuff is out in the hall closet.