Anyone else have partial or suppressed childhood memories of crossdressing?

I have memories related to gender identity issues and crossdressing from my childhood, but some of them are fragmented and incomplete. In one instance, I suppressed part of a crossdressing memory from when I was 4 or 5, apparently because it was traumatic. That memory came back to me about 35 years later all in one big explosive flash, but that's another story.

I should mention that when I was younger, up to about age 6 or 7, my mom had an on-and-off track record of allowing or sometimes even encouraging me to dress up, but at this point in time, she hadn't encouraged me to dress up in a few years.

Anyway, this fragmented/partial memory happened when I was about 10 or so, maybe 11 at the oldest. At that time, I was just about the exact same size as my mother, and her clothes and shoes fit me perfectly (I grew tall at an early age). My favorite dress of hers to wear was a black sun dress with a colorful floral pattern on it, and I tried it on a couple times when I was at home alone, probably while mom visited neighbors for coffee. She also had a pair of matching wedge-heel sandals that I loved. I thought I was always careful when wearing her stuff so that she wouldn't know that I'd tried anything on.

So one day I was in my room, reading, a favorite pastime of mine when I was a kid, and mom came in holding the dress and shoes. I remember thinking I'd been busted and was going to get in trouble, but she told me that her closet was getting to be too full, so she was going to store the dress and shoes in my closet. You could have knocked me over with a feather at that point. I was totally shocked and also confused, as I wasn't sure if she was serious or if she was letting me know that it was okay to wear them.

This is where my first memory gap occurs. I know darned well that I would have worn the dress and shoes after that, no two ways about it. Having them there in my room would have been too much of a temptation to resist, but I honestly can't recall anything about them until.........

My next memory of them: it was some time later, not sure how much of a gap we're talking about. Dear mom invited the next-door neighbor girl who was a few years older than me over and asked her if she wanted the dress and shoes. I remember being devastated, and somehow found the nerve to speak up and tell them that I wanted the dress and shoes. As you might imagine, the neighbor girl was a bit surprised, I do remember that. ;)

Then another memory gap, short this time, maybe an hour or two. I remember a boy who was one of my best friends came over to play, and I remember him looking at my lips and asking me why I was wearing lipstick! I remember telling him that the neighbor girl had dressed me up in my coveted dress and shoes that day and also done my makeup, but I can't remember a single thing about that happening. It must have happened, my friend saw that I was wearing lipstick and I remember telling him that I'd dressed up with her. I sure wish I could remember the details of that day. That would be one of my fondest memories, but it's just not there. :(

Anyone else have partial or suppressed memories like that, or am I the only nut case here? ;)

Carol

My earliest recollection of wearing anything exclusively feminine was at 7 years old when a cousin dared me to wear panties and a dress. I always believed that started me on the wonderful road to crossdressing. But in the last several years I have been thinking that I might have been exposed to at least wearing panties as a toddler. I seem to recall being potty trained wearing pastel underpants of blue, yellow, and pink, but I also remember having to pull my boy equipment out of the leg hole because there was no opening in front. I think my mom was recycling my older sisters' panties to potty train me. It could have been good old mom who started me on my journey and not my cousin.

I have loved being dressed up for as long as I can remember, but my mom tells me that my sister used to dress me up when we were little. I have no memory of that, but I do remember walking around in my grandmas shoes around 4 or 5. that's about as far back as I remember

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Originally Posted by Julogden

Anyone else have partial or suppressed memories like that, or am I the only nut case here? ;)Carol

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Neither suppressed nor partial. I started t about 8 and remember it clearly.

I'm guessing it was about age 8 that I started sneaking up to my sister's room and wearing my her clothing when the family was away. I did get caught at least once by my grandmother. My first recollection was of trying on my sisters tutu. I'm sure, it was the same incredible experience that most of us felt the first time... :D :bighug:

I've been a rock'n'roll fan since infancy(in the 50s). I must have been about 3.I vaguely remember wrapping a towel around me(that was a dress)and putting a rag or something on my head(hair) and going around telling everyone I was Peggy Sue.I'd forgotten but recently found a picture of me like that.I don't know if that counts,but that's my earliest recollection.

I would give anything *to* suppress a great many memories of my childhood. But sadly, I remember it all, in agonizing detail. :(
My first recollection is the thought "oh boy, I need to lie about this."

My earliest memory of crossdressing is from when I was about 2-1/2 years old. I don't think I have any memory gaps, but if I did, would I necessarily know?

I do remember a lot of my early crossdressing. How good the dressing up felt, how nervous and scared I always was, how I would promise myself that it would be the last time I would do it, etc.

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Originally Posted by Julogden

So one day I was in my room, reading, a favorite pastime of mine when I was a kid, and mom came in holding the dress and shoes. I remember thinking I'd been busted and was going to get in trouble, but she told me that her closet was getting to be too full, so she was going to store the dress and shoes in my closet. You could have knocked me over with a feather at that point. I was totally shocked and also confused, as I wasn't sure if she was serious or if she was letting me know that it was okay to wear them.

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My Mom did the same thing! Asking me if she could "store" an old dress and some other stuff in one of my dresser drawers. And she never seemed to need it ever again. I always wonder if she knew and was giving tacit approval. It would seem very out of character for my image of her, but I'm pretty certain it is what she was doing.

Hugs,
Persephone.

Wearing (and walking in) my mom's high heels.

My experience has been quite different.
When I started posting here a lot of posts came up about childhood dressing and these unlocked my memory to the extent that I would remember many situations that had occurred to me years ago.
I look at some of my old stash, in bags now, and photos from the past and more memories come back.

Never suppressed. I remember them oh too well

I wish I could remember it all too. I think my repressed memories may stem from a beating I received at the hands of a neighbor lady when she caught me playing dress-up with her daughter when we were 4 or 5, and she also told me that she'd kill me if I ever did that again. I also got a beating from my dad at age 6 because I wanted to dress up, and he threatened violence to me periodically throughout my childhood if I mentioned dressing up.

Interesting replies, everyone, thanks for sharing.

Carol :hugs:

Don't think I've "repressed" any, just haven't thought about them. Like when I undressed the nurse and cross dressed GI Joe (tried to, size problems). Should have known I was different then. That was years before the purple dress episodes.

Started when I was 4 and unfortunately alot of my memories are fragmented or just plain missing until I was 16 yrs old. Years later at my age I will get a tiny piece of a memory once in awhile but so far most of them aint good ones. I would love to get my childhood memories back but with what I've gotten glimpses of so far I'm not sure if I could handle it to be honest.

I'm sure that you will remeber more in time, and I hope they bring you joy.

No you aren't the only nutcase...LOL

Michelle K

I have a slight memory of being a little boy and my mother putting curlers in my hair. I only remember seeing myself in the mirror and feeling happy, but I dont remember her actually doing it, or even taking them out. I had 2 sisters so they always did each others hair and nails, but never practiced on me. I would pretend to be sick and stay home from school just so I could wear my mothers and sisters pretty dressess and heels. My only memory is that I always had to wear nylons when dressed. To me it was the ultimate way of being a female.

I finally told my wife my first experience and what it meant to me and such. She is the only person I ever shared that with.

Started at age 4 or 5 and remember every bit of it. The first time is still very vivid.

I remember when I was about 5 hiding in the hall closet with my sisters communion dress on....i actually remember this vividly because I got BUSTED by my GRANDFATHER!!!!!!! I'll never forget the look on his face!! O__o

Funny. I was thinking about this recently. I seem to have a half memory of my father finding me in female clothing when I was 9 or 10. I kinda remember him asking me whether he should walk me out in the street like that or send me to have my head examined. Other than that, I don't know. I don't know whether it actually happened or is just a figment of my imagination. I will probably never know.

Neither fragmented or partial Carol. I remember every time clear as a bell. Deep down I always knew I was a girl but since I was a tomboy anyway I just dressed like a boy most of the time. Sometimes, particularly when alone I just wanted to do softer girly stuff and needed to play with a dolly, etc. A lot of that carried over into adult life, despite the fact that I enjoyed being a Dad. Still, I treasured and still do those softer moments, doesn't every woman?:battingeyelashes::)

I was put into female garb quite often when I was a child up until about fifth grade. One time I was forced to dress up and humiliated in front of a bunch of cousins. Had to wear my sister's panties and tee's quite often as a child because my undies were 'dirty'. I was used as a dress model by my mother on numerous occasions because she was sewing dresses for a girl cousin. I never objected to that. Dressed up as a colonial girl in the fifth grade. No objections to that either. The one time I wish I could remember was when I was about 3 1/2 yrs old I was dressed in a very girly white dress to be baptized in. I have seen the pictures of that day. Saw them for the first and only time about 3 yrs ago. I couldn't believe what I looked like. I was surprised that my father let my mother do that to me. Since I have always thought of myself as female I probably didn't think anything of being dressed like that even back then. I just wish I could remember that day.

When I was 7 I got in my moms dress and heels neither fit but It was still pretty nice. The funny part is I did't remember this until I was 16, 3 years later and I'm still remembering more everyday.

I remember back to about 8 or so, having started at that age is the only consolation I have that there is nothing I can do to change the way I am.