Your career, and crossdressing

Okay girls….here is one for ya,
About 4-6 weeks ago, I posted about how distraught I was because I had done such a terrible job with my make-up. I had a lot of posts helping me cope, and I thank everyone who did so.
Since then, I had decided that I am not going to do things half-way any longer. I’ve worked on doing my make up (lots of youtube vids help, smile), and although I spend about the same amount of time dressed, I just feel so much more comfortable. I like who I am, and I like what I see in the mirror.
To the point now. I work in a very, very, homophobic workplace. I maintain a well-balanced approach though. I love my career, and from the day I was hired, it’s never, ever been a dull job. But it limits me as to what I can do, especially in the summer. I work outside, and, teehee…Don’t really want to shave my legs…lol…I’m laughing.
But in the fall I am going to shave them. TA DAAAA… like that’s a big deal. But I can’t wait. I am planning on making Halloween a big drag night…trying to look my best…it should be fun.
Anyways…how much does my job interfere with what I want to do? Sometimes I feel like I want to go 24/7, but I never get that far in my thinking to really consider it…due to my job. I love it, my job, and my career, but is it hampering my inner self, to be the person I want to be?
Has anyone ever left their job, to be the girl they want to be?
Just thinking…as I sit here typing in complete drag, my bed strewn with my clothes, and loving it!
Lisa

If you like your job, career crossdressing and a career do not really mix.
One supplements the other by paying the expenses.
Think about it.

Don't cross over, your in a good spot, you'll be sorry if you do.

At age 65 or so, you will look back on your life and realize that your choice of career is what has gotten you to where you are at this point in your life. If you had a good career, kept a good job, did well and received promotions, you may be sitting pretty in a home you own in a resort town with everything paid for and a comfortable retirement income.

If on the other hand, you put things like dressing ahead of your career and bounced around from job to job or kept a low paying job because it allowed you to "be yourself", you may find yourself still working at a low paying job and living in a cheap apartment and wondering where your next meal is coming from.

Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to provide for our future. Keeping a good job is one of them.

I was getting close, but I got laid off instead (along with over 50 other people.) I am transgender verging on transsexual, and the stress of not being myself was making me sick in a very literal sense; the dressing wasn't just for "fun" for me.

Sure there are times when each of us makes compromises between what we want and the need to eat. That's ok. We do what we "need" to do first, to survive and do what we "want" when its possible. Its much more difficult for transsexuals who face a conflict between two compelling needs.

It depends on how bad one effect's the other or how far down the TG spectrum you are and if you can tolerate or handle, accept the limitations. My career choice has limited how far I can ever choose to present in anything other than as a complete 100% male due to grooming policies. No long hair, no long nails, no earrings, etc. I have also spent the majority of my life understanding that the job and career is more important because that's what supports the very expensive cost of my girl side, and other important things such as food, health care, mortgage, having a comfortable retirement etc.

The only down side is the amount of stress, and overall unhappiness the limitations can cause to the amount that does affect everything including job performance. Which is why I'm having lot's of second thoughts on my career choice and have come to the realization it might be time to accept finding a different career path.

In summary changing life's circumstances, struggle and live from pay check to pay check but truly be happy with who I am as opposed to being well off, having money to burn/play with and just accepting reality and continue to fight through those TG desire's. Tough Choice!!:straightface:

How much do you have invested in this job? Is it a professional job or closer to minimum wage? good jobs aren't easy to come by now days. My leg hair is very minimal so it doesn't matter that much if I shave them or not.

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Originally Posted by sandra-leigh

I was getting close, but I got laid off instead (along with over 50 other people.) I am transgender verging on transsexual, and the stress of not being myself was making me sick in a very literal sense; the dressing wasn't just for "fun" for me.

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Exactly what Sandra said is my life also. So if you are a crossdresser and not trans like I am stick with the crossdressing and doing it in private and when you can. If however, you are thinking you are transgendered at the very least, see therapy! It is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family in the long run. Trying to cope on your own will most likely make you and your loved ones miserable.

Lisa,

It has been my experience that CDing and careers don't often mix unless you are in a profession that is "way out there." As i've openly stated a few times on different posts, i was in the Army for 5 years to include 4 years in a very strict military college. I knew that i couldn't continue to serve and explore my CDing - it just wasnt going to work. I made a difficult decisions to do a career change at around my 4th year of service and layed the groundwork to jump start a new career.

After two years of schooling, i entered into a new career path that certainly provided me more freedom to CD but i knew i couldn't CD and work. I was outed by someone with whom i had a personal intimate relationship. It took about a week for the repercussions to make themselves known - resign or be fired for embarrassing the firm. I resigned .

I moved to the midwest and started again. WHen i was hired by the firm that now employs me, i made it quite clear that i was a CD and had no plans to stop. Their answer was that they had no problem with it but that i was to keep my private life separate from my professional life - any embarrassment to the firm would result in termination. Pls understand, the firm that employs me today is far from homophobic - in fact they have an extremely liberal civil union policy that allows coverage for same sex partners as many other benefits for individuals that are transitioning. CDing is not included. Again, not because the firm dislikes CDs but because generally of the image of CDers in today's society.

Most of the people at work know i spend the majority of my non working time en femme - i've even met some of them for social occasions at clubs, restaurant etc - no issues. I am comfortable and can live with the restrictions the workplace puts on me - working is more important than dressing.

Hello Lisa,

To put it bluntly, you may be asking for termination if you come out to your colleagues. If you want more freedom to dress, you might consider searching for another position without allowing anyone at your current workplace to know about it or the reason therefor.

Hello Sabrina,

I would have asked the employer put their request in writing. Assuming the employee has passed the probation period prescribed by law, such a termination can be challenged in court where I live, as it is proscribed by law under human rights legislation.

If it was my decision, I would have fired the outer if s/he could be identified as being the source.

I worked in a very homophobic work environment too and know exactly what you mean.I CD'd in what time I had off.Never hung out with co workers on a personal level.
Didn't care for the way they treated their wives or GF's and spoke my mind when the subject came up.
I dared to be different because I painted my nails and wore light make up sometimes or light mascara.Wore womens jeans to work when I had the chance and not the required uniform.
I took some heat from a few of the guys but that didn't last long they got used to it.

I have been retired for about 12 years , I worked outside with narrow minded guys and
shaved my legs and arms,while still working ,and received very few comments.

As i near total retirement i look at work differently now. i was a manger for almost 40 years, yes i started managing a department at age 20 and been doing it almost ever since. However as i got older i got tired of the way the new Upper managers looked at people and how they treated them with little reguards as to how many years they had put in building that company up. (yes i was downsized out too) With only 6 or 7 years left to go until my planned full retirement, i took a part time job working the field i had been in all my life and started drawing a small retirement i had. By taking that part time job i didn't have to cut my hair that had been growing for 4 years, i wore my nails long as well and polished with at least a clear coat. I have also had my eyebrows thinned and arched in a more fem look and i wear shorts to work with shaved legs.
All is good, i can be as fem as i want, wear ladies jeans and panties to work and i don't have all the head aches i did as a manager.. now i do the work, go home and forget it, after slipping into something a little more fem..lol

starr

Not to change the subject but if you like your career why isn't your career an important part of who you are. My career is as much a part of me as crossdressing. Maybe more. (it tell my fiance that engineering is more of a psychiatric condition than a job) Some people just have jobs but it sounds like for you and for many other its just another question of balancing parts of our lives that don't always fit well together.

The career pays for the dual wardrobes. I find there's plenty of room in my life for a career free of dressing concerns, and dressing free of career concerns. Preserve the day job, deary.

When I was 20 I considered what I wanted to do. I considered becoming a hairdresser and opening my own salon so that I would be able to dress full time. It was highly illegal back in 1960 so that presented problems. I worked for a company but knew they would not allow CDs. I figured that if I owned my own salon customers could choose if they wanted my services. I chose a conventional career for my gender.

Later I thought about becoming and working as a private nurse. I liked the white nurse's dresses. Reality set in and I continued to keep the two separate. For one I liked girls, secondly I was much better at other skills. I don't regret my choices. Would I do the same today? Who knows.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

Its much more difficult for transsexuals who face a conflict between two compelling needs.

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That is true if the TS has a career and good prospects. Despite my efforts to better my career options, I work at a mind numbing low wage job. Easy to sit there and say "if I had done just one more thing..."
Once I learned that no matter what, I was destined to struggle, I said "hell with it" and live full time as TS. To this day I don't know what the proper "career paths" are but at close to 40, I don't see myself working my way up in some company and having a comfortable retirement.
Might as well enjoy what I can when I can.

I am very glad this post has came up because this has been something that has been on my mind, I work at a hospital and have a housekeeping job, I do get discriminated against and sometimes just don't know how to deal with it, what I do is keep crossdressing separate from work but the other issues I have to deal with, for example everyone in the housekeeping department has to wear black slacks which is a requirement, I have a booty which shows when wearing black pants that looks feminine plus also my high pitched voice, I have had people sometimes tell me to stop acting like a woman, I am not sure what to say because I was born a certain way and people can be so mean sometimes and don't understand, also at work I am constantly called into the supervisors office for the most smallest things.
The other thing I have to deal with is I have a disability that I have always had that causes short term memory loss sometimes, I have often thought about just throwing in the towel and applying for SSDI because I get mistreated so much at any place I have worked, also one night I was watching Taboo USA and they had someone on the show that was transgendered, I really like what she said and that is what people need to do is instead of trying to figure people out and trying to understand people, the only thing people really need to do is to Love and Accept.

For me, it's simple - complete separation. There really is no other option, and I think that ethically, I would be doing my clients a dis-service if I wanted to mix the two, which I don't.

Like you I work in an outdoor environment. 8 years ago I stopped letting that dictate my life and shaved completely, preparing for the barrage of comments and snickers. They never came. Not one coworker said a thing and still has not to this day. Not even my friends said a word and they can't keep their mouths shut with an opportunity like that.
That freed me and now I don't even give it a second thought.
Halloween might just be your liberation day, you never know.

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Originally Posted by Brynna M

Not to change the subject but if you like your career why isn't your career an important part of who you are.

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There are three meanings of "career" that need to be distinguished here. There is "what kind of work you do"; there is "how you earn your money"; and there is "your progression over time" of those other two items.

When I was young, I was asked to take up a position that would have been lucrative and, in not so long, influential (I would probably have had direct contact with the equivalent of Congress members.) Strong positives on those latter two meanings of "career". But it would have been work that I did not love. Instead I went to a different position for about 2/3 of average pay, with at most one higher possible step to rise. But it was work I considered significantly more important and more interesting -- and which not many people had the skills to do. Money can't buy self-respect.

Another way of looking at it is that even back then, I insisted on "being myself", and I was willing to give up a fair bit to accomplish that.

I put decades into my work, working double time or more as long as my health allowed, and making a lot of effort to help everyone else to be what they could be. Now it is time for me to let another part of me take a lead role because I need it for me. I paid my dues to my career.

Last year March or so, I posted a link in the Media section to an article about "The Top 10 Regrets Of The Dying". Wishing that one had taken the risk to do what one really wanted to do was one of the very top rgrets.

I wouldn't worry about shaving your legs; go ahead and shave them. You could start by taking a beard trimmer and cutting the hair short so that it can barely be seen and after about a week shave off the rest of the hair. Just be careful not to cut your leg as a cut will be very noticeable. My suggestion is to shave on Friday night and if you have an accident it will have time to heal.

You can do the same thing with the hair on your arms or you could get the bikini bleach that women use on the bikini area or mustache hair and bleach the hair on your arms.

I think that ultimately you will shave as most of us can't stand the stubble when your legs rub up against one another in bed. There is nothing like the feeling of freshly shaved legs, arms, chest and anywhere else you want hairless and smooth.

As a teacher/coach on the high school level, I wear shorts almost exclusively year round and no one has said a word and believe me high school girls are always vigilant.

It's definitely a fascinating topic, and not one to be taken lightly. Coming out is irreversible in many ways and can obviously have a dramatic impact on career prospects. Policies don't mean much when we all rely on individuals to implement them. So no, there is no "safe" way to be yourself. I spent a long time wrestling with this and was finding that not being open and honest with colleagues was having detrimental effects on my career. I couldn't talk about what I did on vacation, avoided social gatherings outside of work, etc. as my need to express myself as a woman seemed to get stronger with every year. Seeing successful trans women in my industry is what finally tipped things for me. I now knew it was possible.

I was also fortunate enough to be in decent financial shape and would have been able to get by without ever having another job, not glamorously perhaps, but we'd have been okay. I transitioned on the job at one company, and have since gone through the nerve-wracking process of job hunting as a woman with a complicated history. I can't imagine what it would have been like in a company where appearances and tradition mattered more. Thankfully, the tech industry is very focused on results and is used to hiring unusual people from a wide range of backgrounds.

It has clearly been getting easier, but the situation for most of us isn't nearly so rosy. Of course the safe thing to do is let someone else take the risks and prove it's possible before sticking your neck out. If we all took that approach there would never be any progress, so I admire those who went before me — but I tend to think their need was stronger than mine.