Wish I Could Tell My Best (GG) Friend

I'm going to have dinner with my (gg) friend today. She's my best friend, and she's concerned because I've been distant and depressed lately. I wish I could tell her that it's because I'm coming to terms with my cross dressing and sexuality, but I don't want to come out to her until I know I can deal with it if she doesn't want to be friends any more.

I can't really gauge her reaction. She does not like sexual deviance in any form. But she has stayed my friend from when I went to a Pentacostal church, got divorced, shacked up with someone else, and came out as pagan. So there's a track record of her sticking by me, even though I imagine she condemns just about everything I do in the abstract.

I hate not being honest with her, but I don't have many friends and I'm too scared to lose her to be honest right now.

Katie (Kat)

If you had a moment of doubt, there is a reason for that. If I ever plan on doing anything, CD or not, and a moment of doubt enters my mind, I usually go with it and not do it. Only YOU know this person, you have already gauged many reactions to many different things, only YOU know how this may end, hence you have doubt. I'd probably give it a lot more thought myself.

Katie,
This is something you are going to have to consider carefully.
Maybe it isn't time to tell her yet.

Just tell her you have a lot on your mind right now and don't risk your friendship by going into a lot of detail. After all it doesn't sound like you are dating her.

I recently told my best{gg} friend ,for the same reasons that you mentioned .
It went great and we are closer now because we have no secrets.
At first she did`nt know what to say and then had a lot of questions .
I showed her pictures but she does not want to see me dressed .
It was a difficult decision and I am not sure it was fair to her ,because now she has to keep my secret but we have talked about it and she said she is glad that I shared this with her ..

My best GG friend transitioned from being "my best GG friend" to being "my girl friend (in the sense that hetero women mean when they refer to girl friends)". My best GM friends (I have several that carry the title, and each has earned it) all basically had the attitude that they'd already known on some level.

Dunno if I could have a friend that would drop our friendship on this basis. Not anymore. But then, I'm out to all my friends, so the ones that would have dropped me already have.

I can't really advise you, she's obviously been with you through hell and back again. Maybe she'll reach a deeper understanding on your journey if she knows this particular secret? Maybe she has her own secret that she hasn't told you because she's afraid you'll drop her? Who knows? There's only one way to find out, and if you feel like losing her right now would ruin your life to a point where you don't know if you could recover, then obviously you shouldn't risk it. Not yet.

But there will come a day when you'll need her support, and that day will probably be before you need anybody else's support because it's hers you need to give you strength for the other difficult situations in front of you. You'll need to know sooner or later where she stands.

I believe a true friend will accept you unconditionally. You've already mentioned several things that could have dissolved your friendship, but so far she has stuck with you. As far as crossdressing being sexually devient, it's not. It's more a gender identity expression, unless your crossdressing arouses you. Speaking for myself, I have come out to several friends who still accept me for the person I always have been. I believe your friend will do the same with you.

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Originally Posted by AndrewJenny

I'm going to have dinner with my (gg) friend today.

I can't really gauge her reaction. She does not like sexual deviance in any form. But she has stayed my friend from when I went to a Pentacostal church, got divorced, shacked up with someone else, and came out as pagan. So there's a track record of her sticking by me, even though I imagine she condemns just about everything I do in the abstract.

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Hello Kat

It's around 8:30, so I suspect your w/ your friend having dinner. If you have a gadget phone on and can read this right now, don't. Concentrate on your girl, silly.

Anyway, It appears she's tolerant of you maybe because she has feelings for you.
I would slowly ease her into the conversation instead of hitting her blindside. If you have strong feelings for her then, you're going to talk about this eventually. Don't wait until after you marry her. They usually freak out royally. Trust me....I know:Playnice:

Thanks for all the replies. It makes me feel a lot better to just have someone to talk to about this.

We had a pretty good dinner. I'm not ready to tell her yet. I know I could go on with my life without her, but it would really knock me down for a while, and I'm already struggling with a lot of things and I don't want the added stress. My best guess is even if we stay friends, it will be strained and weird for a while, and she may not talk to me for a while because that's just the way she is (she's awful about conflict, so whenever we have a fight we don't talk for a few months, and then one of us calls the other and then we're friends again).

It's times like this I wish I had more close friends, but I'm incredibly anti-social and hate meeting new people.

Katie (Kat)

For what its worth, I know its not the same, but you will always have friends HERE!:hugs: Hugs, Tonya:battingeyelashes:

Let me tell you about my coming out to my best GG friend. She LOVED it, and thought now she has someone to shop with and all the other fun lady stuff, especially if you two have been friends for quite a while. To be honest, I think you should come out to her when you are comfortable because she most likely will be supportive, and everyone needs a good support group.

Sounds like a lot of pink fog to me, she has no use for any deviant behavior, what do think she will make of a cross dresser, if she can't even handle the thought of gay people, how can she understand what this is all about? Unless you have plans for making her a GF, I would just keep my mouth shut, and be sure to keep that friend.

I guess the question is whether it served any purpose to come out to her as CD. If not, then why bother. Do have any reason to feel obligated to tell her this? I can't imagine why.

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Originally Posted by AndrewJenny

I hate not being honest with her, but I don't have many friends and I'm too scared to lose her to be honest right now.

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Just a thought...friends don't lie to each other. Friends are honest with each other.

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Originally Posted by AndrewJenny

.....It's times like this I wish I had more close friends, but I'm incredibly anti-social and hate meeting new people.

Katie (Kat)

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I think that might be something you should work on. I don't know that there is a quota system on friends...and they don't all have to be intimates. You won't be so dependent on any one.

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Originally Posted by MysticLady

Hello Kat

It's around 8:30, so I suspect your w/ your friend having dinner. If you have a gadget phone on and can read this right now, don't. Concentrate on your girl, silly.

Anyway, It appears she's tolerant of you maybe because she has feelings for you.
I would slowly ease her into the conversation instead of hitting her blindside. If you have strong feelings for her then, you're going to talk about this eventually. Don't wait until after you marry her. They usually freak out royally. Trust me....I know:Playnice:

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You always make me smile Victoria

She sounds like someone who would support you no matter what. I think you may be alright talking about it with her.. Start with the fact that your depression is connected

Well, here's my twopenn'orth from "across the pond" ..

"I don't want to come out to her until I know I can deal with it if she doesn't want to be friends any more."

You're either going to have to deal with it, or you're going to have to let things just go on as they are, which is causing you stress and anxiety at the moment, right?

My guess is that you're never going to find the moment in a face-to-face situation such as "over dinner" to just blurt it out .. and if you did, it would come out sort of wrong and half-truths and both you and she would be in a difficult and embarrassing space there and then ..

So, what I'd suggest is that you write her a letter, or send an e-mail, or a private Facebook message or something along those lines .. now the advantage with this is that it gives you the space to really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it, and it gives her the chance to do the same, really .. it is still a risk, and you'll be in short-term agony waiting for her reply, which may or may not be the one you want but at least you'll have it and can then get on with your life even if it's "worst case scenario". By using the written message, you don't put her "on the spot" and you give her time to reflect privately, you see?

It's quite a moment when you first hit the "send" button, or put the letter in the postbox ( I speak from experience) but besides my wife, I'm now "out" to four good, long standing female friends, and two guys, and they have all, in their different ways, been great about it :) .. mind you, I do have the good fortune to live in the liberal, easy-going culture of modern Britain.

Good luck wit it all, and remember, there is no need to rush into anything!

Hugs,

Brenda x

Well, I'd say considering she accepted you as a pagan,she values your friendship greatly. That being said,only you can determine the right time to bring it up.

Hi Jenny, Be careful what you wish for.