What you think about gender? What it is and what it means to you?

I'm in a moment where I'm so confused I could puke just to stop thinking... :doh:

I mean, I think gender is a social construct... Why I need to change my body to be a man or a woman? I could be anything and still have the same body, the same pronouns...

By the way, I've always saw myself as bigender, but by the time I'm thinking in transition... I think I could be happier transitioning... I'm feeling more and more like a man every single day... But I'm aware that that could be just a long boy mode, I'm still giving time to myself to understand what's going on...

Seriously, why we need to fill this boxes? If society was free gender, would we be the same person? :doh:

Or maybe the way that society works it's so strong and intense that we need to feel cis or trans or genderqueer in order to survive? :brolleyes:

I needed to create this topic, my mind is craaaaaazy right now!!! :eek: What y'all think???

I'm in a similar but opposite situation. I don't like burning bridges with anything, and GRS would make it mighty difficult to go back. A few months ago I was gender-less and lost track of gender due to intake of too much anti-androgens. My hormones are in balance now, and I'm adjusting from being bi moving towards my preferred gender. Transition is running through my mind like crazy.

There is something that is very perplexing to me. I have a few friends who are transsexual, and being the female gender is so important to them . To each his and her own , I guess.

I never really saw myself as a gender one way or the other, I just went where I felt comfortable. I guess the same applies to the folks I mentioned in my first sentence.

I like pepperoni and mushrooms on my pizza, someone else prefers peppers and onions.

But seriously, what's so great about gender?, and why exactly is it so important that we identify so staunchly as one or the other?

Gender is a non issue to those whose brain gender matches their body. It affects all of us differently. I always felt I was different and believed I might be transsexual. I would not admit it to myself let alone anyone else. I was able to mitigate it for many years through various ways, some unhealthy. It reached a point I could not fight it any longer. The energy to battle with with myself was taking a toll and I had to do something. I understand after all these years why individuals transition. The relief of not hiding and allowing my inner nature to emerge has energized and infused me with positive energy. Some are able to find balance somewhere along the tg spectrum. I imagine Nathalie you have found your balance and in many ways I envy that. I know I could not live in the middle. it would be difficult and confusing for me.

There is nothing great about gender it just is. I gave up asking why am I affected in such a way and have accepted the fact I am transsexual and need to transition fully, just as you have found your balance in the middle. Asking what if society was genderless is an exercise in futility. The reality is gender is a part of our being. Some of us have no thoughts of our gender, it is what it is and matches our bodies. Others find the need to express different aspects of our gender and deprivation of one or the other causes distress unless. For others the mismatch is so great the need is to transition or die ( or some variation of death). I fall in the last category. I need to transition. Going part time would not be adequate.

And who knows maybe those that have found balance in the middle may find down the road they also need to transition to feel complete.

I asked my therapist how would I know I am transsexual and not just fantasizing. He responded "If she exists and I allow it she will emerge". So the first order is to accept your condition and allow your inner soul to emerge until you find comfort. At that point you will be in balance. You could use the same train of thought. if he exists and you allow it he will emerge. It appears yo have not reached your balance point to feel comfortable. And transition is not for the weak of heart for sure.

Dear Ryan. I agree with you, it is a social construct, but that is what we have to deal with. My daughter's partner use the pronoun : They! it is all what we make of it and how and where we feel we belong. Just go with your gut feeling :0)

Hi,

say if you like a boys club now they get together , & talk about cars say Ford's just for the detail. so thats thier thing, all well & good, & i come along, ooops wrong club im not a boy. yet i know what they are talking about more than likely more than some of the boys, yet would i be accepted,

no because im a girl so i would not belong would i, would i be wellcome more like not because i know to much, & what the hell would a girl know any way,

yet if i go to a girls club say sewing i would be wellcome because im a girl.

Now heres the twist, boys or girls here, will say can i do this ...job... umm im a girl what would i know about building .

well thats soon over looked pretty quick its ...will ... you do this or that,

i have had men under my command & will again with doing the repairs and painting to our Museum buildings 10 of .

so is my standing based on wether im male or female or is it im accepted as a person who knows what she's doing.

heres a ? will the men baulk at haveing a female tell them what to do, our staff of some 10 to 30 people at different time's,

the issue would be im in charge of all buildings, so thats my responsability


So then whats my gender or what has it to do with anything,
So whats changed, im not a male yet can do the work of a male . dare i say im a female and can do the work of a female.

myself it has more to do about who you are as a person than what i wear or how i look . so what say you,

...noeleena...

I'm a Taoist. I'm into putting my whole heart into looking female, or looking male. I see it as a distinct half of myself. When I'm male, I like to do athletic stuff, when I'm female I'm a bit of a photo nerd, and like to take shots of myself.

In terms of "girl trapped in a boy's body" or the like, nope I don't believe it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ryan A.

Or maybe the way that society works it's so strong and intense that we need to feel cis or trans or genderqueer in order to survive?
I needed to create this topic, my mind is craaaaaazy right now!

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Hello Ryan

Society is the pressure from the outside pushing in on us. This phenomenon allows us too push back and even harder. It's like becoming the "Hulk" or a "Shehulk":heehee:

OK I just looked up what bigender and I feel like an idiot with what I've posted on my thread. I have no doubt from what I see of people that some do feel the need to change due to social pressure but I doubt that covers all.

Myself, I guess I don't have a normal view on society at all. I already have autism so it's pointless my caring about meeting expectation as it is and all people seem weird to me. Unpredictable confusing creatures so that the only thing I care about in society are why people act so illogically.

I have a varied circle, male, female, all sorts of LGBT and straights in all sorts of combinations. I've grown up with this so haven't really noticed it as different. Society expects us to like be into stereotypical things but how often does that actually happen? When I start going nuts with questions on society's views, whatever kind of person it's about, I remind myself of a basic fact.

I ride horses. Stereotypically it is seen as a girly thing. Yet I view it as a manly thing.

Unfortunately, society is very superficial and anytime someone goes outside of the perceived "norm" it is considered strange or unusual, simply because it is different. This is a hard thought for me to express verbally but I think we can learn a lot from the opposite sex. For example, I can become a better person by understanding and adopting certain feminine qualities or traits. In my case, emotional rather than physical characteristics. Women tend to be better listeners and communicators with high emotional intelligence which is the ability to identify and understand their feelings and the feelings of others.

I read an article on business-standard.com that says people with high emotional intelligence are better decision-makers. I am not sure if any of this is making sense but I can identify with you seeing yourself as bigender. I embrace both the masculinity and femininity in my personality.

Also, I do think gender is somewhat of a social construct because not all males are the same and not all females are the same either. (physically and psychologically)

Hey Ryan! Yes, gender is socially constructed. In reality, what we perceive as gender is a fluid thing rather than a binary. In my opinion, there's room in the world for any and all gender identities. :)

Here's a cute graphic that I've found helpful: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/...d-person-v2-0/

In my opinion, in a perfect world gender would be inconsequential. If you like wearing dresses and makeup, great. If you want to shave your head and.. I don't know, talk about trucks or something, that's also cool. But gender shouldn't play into any of it, and in that way nothing you do would be deemed strange just because of the parts you were born with.

But this is just in my perfect world. I'm a flip-flopper between genders.
I guess, from what I understand and have heard, that actually identifying as male/female is incredibly important to people, it's not just about the way you express yourself. Hence gender identity and gender expression.


On another note! I just want to point out one small thing about the graphic that Christy linked to above- it's a great little infograph, however under 'attracted to', 'asexual' should be 'aromantic'. Asexual people still experience romantic attraction. /Aromantics/ experience no romantic attraction.

That's a good point, Rory. I should have noticed that.

I also believe in your ideal world, and I am seeing it manifest more and more each day, in proportion to our speaking out and defying rigid social constructions. That is, being ourselves and unashamed.

Gender identity is entirely internal. While physical bodies, except for the Intersexed, are visible and are either male or female. So the world is accustomed to seeing either men or women. There is no in-between for 95% of the world population.

I also believe that gender identity is influenced by hormones for the majority of people, so it is not exactly 100% construct, although the way we dress is according to cultural construct. People in different cultures wear different clothing. Still, in all cultures, there is a distinct separation between male and female in terms of dress, behaviors (influenced by hormones), and gender roles.

My SO is also bidender (dualgender). S/he does not exactly identify as a woman and s/he would never be happy as strictly a man who does not engage in cross-gender expression.

So she lives her life somewhat in the middle, which is challenging to say the least, in our world of gender-binary. S/he accomplishes this by having an elastic presentation depending on her mood: sometimes he presents as a man, and sometimes she presents as a woman. My SO has no wish to pioneer gender education among his/her peers, so s/he tends to separate his/her male and female lives. For example, the people that s/he works with know him strictly as a male. While some friends in her social circle know her strictly as a female.

This works for my SO even though it is difficult to find a balance.

Thanks, ReineD! I like your answer. .....sounds like me too!

I'm actually quite glad to hear that it is possible to find a balance, even if it is difficult. I don't think I'd be able to keep it as separate as what you describe though... Mostly because all my circles are heavily connected.

It does give me some hope!


On the topic of gender and gender roles..
Personally I've always been agender and more or less stuck with activities that aren't typically "feminine" or typically "masculine". Not as a conscious decision on my part, it just ended up that way. However, I have also picked up activities such as martial arts and knitting.

The whole idea of gender roles is a social construct. Depending on where in the world and at what time the same activities/dress codes/behaviours/etc. that are seen as typically masculine will be seen as typically feminine in other places. I want to enjoy what I enjoy regardless of what my gender is. I truly don't see any reason not to.