The Frame you have with your significant other

Hey everyone a random thought just popped into my head. When I was browsing this forum I noticed that some people have had very varying results when they were coming out as a crossdressers to their significant other. I personally do not have much relationship experience but I have a theory. I am thinking that your partners initial reaction and how they act afterwards will depend quite dramatically on how they find out.

For example I think someone who was caught cross dressing by their girlfriend or wife would get a much worse reaction than someone who is truly comfortable with their dressing, is able to effectively communicate why they crossdress and pass it off as not a big deal, and someone who told their partner fairly early in the relationship. However as I said before I don't have much to back it up. So here are my questions for you.

Does your significant other know you crossdress?
How did they find out if they do know?

And please share any stories of how you delt with crossdressing in your present and past relationships.

I told mine GF I had a "hobby" that was probably a bit different to most people, when I was 3 weeks in to dating her. After I told her about my hobby, I showed her my wardrobe, and both of us had fun playing dressup. She liked a lot of my dresses and skirts and so do our daughters (but that's another story, written somewhere on my blog).

Rachel: Is it possible that you're only the second CDer I've encountered whose kids know, too? (Mine sorta do, the one that lives with me does and actively participates, the others may or may not know, and that's a long story)

To the OP: Yes, my wife knows. How I told her is odd, though. I didn't really know how to say it, so when she ordered a particular sexy outfit and we fooled around, the next night she asked what I wanted to do and I suggested I wear the outfit and she be naked this time. After a few days of that sort of play, I told her I was really more interested in non-sexual stuff with women's clothes. I was wrestling with the ideas myself and trying to figure out what was in my heart so I could express it, so it wasn't easy for either of us, but she did everything she could to make it easy (even considering she has a lot of bad communication habits, she did quite well).

Hello,

I fessed up to my wife because I was at point of no return in my life. It was either come clean or sink into depression. She was accepting and we are now working through this as a loving couple, Isha included.

My wife knows and she was the very first and only person that I have come out to. At first I don't think she was to keen on the idea because of very bad and controlling marriage to her last husband. I insured her that I was not gay and that I was not wanting have a sex change because I would make one ugly woman and I would never disgrace my family. Now she helps me to buy clothes, shoes and make up. We even share clothing with each other. She is truly my best friend and I love her so much that it can be a little sickening at times even though we are both senior citizens.

Let me add that my results is that typical and each individual must make the decision based on the knowledge of their relationship with their wife or Significant Other. Relationships and marriages have been destroyed by coming out at the wrong time or just coming out at all. I don't mean this to be negative in any way but it has and does happen.

My wife does not know that I am a recent crossdressing convert. She has no idea of the woman inside me. Timing and confidence are the keys to a meaningful life. I have just discovered Melissa after decades of her being dormant. It has been an advernture coming to terms with her. I have been " lurking " for months on the forum and I thank the many wise sages who have reported their adventures in revealing the woman in them to their wives / SO's. Their wisdom has been duly docketed in Melissa's think tank.... a pocket full of information that she stores whenever she is not blinded by the joys of the pink fog . I love to crossdress and it feels so great to publically make that acknowledgement. I need to have that talk with my wife before she discovers Melissa via the mistakes that can happen when we choose to deceive. I thank you all for allowing me to be a part of this great forum.

Melissa, do tell her sooner than later. Not only is it corroborated through the stories here, that wives have a great deal more difficulty accepting once the CDing is an established fact, there was an academic study done that showed the same results. Still, according to this study over two thirds of the wives do not divorce their husbands over the CDing .... providing there is not too much Pink Fog immediately after the wives first find out. :p

The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

I was out to my girlfriend a month or so into dating her. She found it pretty cute and entertaining. When transsexual stuff arouse, it was hard at first, but a year and a half later, we a still dating, living together and I'm going to a trans clinic tomorrow to move forward with my transitioning! :) she truly loves me

Having had two wives and 4 lovers between the two, I've had more than a little experience with this.

My first fiance suspected, and part of her attraction to me is that I was such a fashion fan. She told me she bought most of her clothes from Fredericks, and was a bit surprised when I didn't try groping her the first time I was alone with her. She finally grabbed my crotch and said "Lot's go out Friday" (I'm a sucker for women who take charge). We went to a movie (Silver Streak), and she told me she loved Gene Wilder in his white polyester pants. Then she grabbed my tush through my polyester pants. She told me she wanted sex when we got to the car, and was very surprised when I tried to put on a condom without asking if she was on the pill. What was even funnier was that I couldn't get it on (I was too small). Finally I sang the song from Gypsy "Pardon me miss, but I've never done this, with a Real, Live, Girl" - her eyes popped wide open and she said "Oh my god, your a VIRGIN!!". I sheepishly grinned and said "Yes ma'am". She arranged to meet me the next day, where we would have more time.

When I got there, I met her parents, including her mother (grandmother actually), her sister, and her brother. They went off to the race track, and told us they wouldn't be back for several hours. She showed me into her bedroom, where she had a beautiful canopy bed, lots of pretty stuffed animals, and even some pretty dolls, which I admired, and even held briefly. She quickly grabbed me and gave me a big kiss and a hug, and said "we have all the time we need". She sat on the bed and just about fell over when I hit my knees. I started caressing her legs, and soon I was doing things she never expected, with my mouth and hands. Between climaxes she said "There's know way your a virgin". I crossed my arms and said "Only from the waist down". Long story short, I lost my virginity, but I couldn't have an orgasm. After about 4 hours, I asked "Are you getting sore?", she nodded, and I smiled and told her it was OK if we stopped, we could just cuddle. If that wasn't a giveaway, I don't know what was. She also noticed that I really liked it when she got more dressed up.

Eventually, she got past the inability to have an orgasm by tying me up. Since I couldn't focus on her pleasure, I could focus on my own. To make it more fun for both of us, she had put on a really sexy outfit from Frederick's. We continued for a few months. There were even a few times when she said, "I've played with women a few times, and your are very similar". I think she was a bit surprised when I smiled a big happy smile and said "thank you, I'm so happy you enjoy it".

One day, when she came home from work, I gave her a nice foot rub. She was still wearing her hose, and I was just enjoying giving her the message. I started to flirt a little and she started to slip off her hose. I said "Keep them on". She was a bit surprised, but said "OK, sounds like fun". She was very surprised to see that I was much more aggressive and had less trouble than other times. She said "Kinky, but fun. At least you don't want to WEAR them yourself!". My reaction told her everything. She realized that I DID want to wear them. She couldn't even talk about it. About two days later, she left a note on my car, telling me it wasn't working out, and that I shouldn't even try to contact her again. A few suicide attempts later, I eventually ended up in a psych ward, then a half-way house, and finally became independent. There was more to the drama than just her, I was struggling with drugs and alcohol, my parents were going through an ugly divorce, and my sister was raped at 14 and needed an abortion. Even my brother had tried to kill himself in boot camp. I dreaded waking up for fear of what new shock or disaster might erupt next. I got the help I needed, but when I told them about wanting to be a girl, they told me I wasn't allowed to even bring it up again.

Three years later, and 6 months clean and sober, I met my first wife. We had gone to a grand opening party and my friend at work had told me that his girlfriend was coming with her sister, but couldn't remember if this was the married one or the divorced one. When the two women walked in, I would have sworn they were bull-dyke lesbians. Both wore baggy flannel shirts, baggy corduroy pants, one wore biker boots, and the other wore black shoes that looked like men's work shoes. I had seen an old friend from Loretto Heights college (an all girl college that needed some boys for the theater and the choir), and she was wearing a beautiful red dress, dark tan hose, and some scary high heels. She was really happy to see me, and gave me a hug, but then her boyfriend, another coworker, came up to let me know she was taken.

Sparky could see that I was a bit down, so he introduced me to his girl-friend and her "Sister" (the were NOT sisters and did not look in any way related). I cracked a few jokes and the sister started laughing so hard she was coughing. I then started clowning even more "Oh no, assault with a deadly weapon, my FACE". She finally caught her breath. As she coughed, I spotted the wedding set on her left hand. I said "Oh, you're the MARRIED one!", and she smiled and said "Well, sort of". What I didn't find out until a week later was that her divorce was final that day, and couldn't get the rings off.

A few days later, my friend told me that he and his girl-friend wanted to fix me up on a blind date. Since I hadn't dated in over a year, I said "sure, it might be fun", I then asked "Tell me a little about her, what she might like, so I can do a few things that will make her feel more comfortable". He told me that it was the "Sister" and that she had just gotten divorced and thought I was really cute. But I had to act like it was a surprise. What I didn't know is that Debbie had told her the same thing. When I walked through the door, I had remembered her face, and imagined her in the red dress. The result was that when I walked through the door, even though she was in another boyish outfit, I reacted to her as if she had been wearing the dress when I walked in. I gave her a big smile, and said "LESLIE!!" and she smiled back and said "REX!!". You'd think we'd just won the dating game. Later, we started some kissing and petting, and after telling me about her first husband, being raped, and her most recent boyfriend, she said "I'm saving myself". In my mind, I thought "For what, your funeral?", but I just smiled, cooled thing down a bit, and we cuddled. We continued to talk and cuddle the rest of the night.

A couple months later, we moved in together. I had been living with my dad, and had kept my girlie clothes in a locked foot-locker. I'd wear them while he was at work or at meetings. Before we moved in, I threw everything out. I really hoped that now that I was living with a woman and we would be having sex fairly regularly, that I wouldn't need the wardrobe. Three weeks later, I realized it wasn't going to work. For Christmas, we were dead broke and had barely enough for the January rent, nothing for presents. I asked what she wanted for Christmas and she said "Rekkie under the Tree". She had to work that night, and before she came home, I wrapped a sleeping bag in Christmas paper, and put it under our little tree, climbed in, and fell asleep. Of course I was naked in the bag. When she came home, she was THRILLED!! She got undressed, climbed in with me (very cozy and snug). We made love, and fell asleep under the tree. Later, I got up and fixed her dinner (I was the cook and dishwasher). She loved the dinner, and we snuggled more. That night, she said "I got what I want for Christmas, what would you like for Christmas?". I paused, terrified to speak, and she said "Anything you want?" and started to get flirty. I told her that I liked to "dress up". She said "like in lingerie?". I nodded, unable to speak. I knew in that moment, our relationship would either be over, or I would marry her, depending on how she reacted. She gave me a peck on the cheek, went to the bedroom, and came out wearing a camisole and tap pants, and handed me a sheer chiffon robe. Nothing else. At that moment, I fell hopelessly in love with her. I would have done anything for her. I married her, my career shot like a rocket, we had a child together.

I didn't find out until a marriage, two kids, an affair (hers), a divorce, and 12 years later, than she had NEVER been able to accept the dressing, but she thought I was such a nice guy that she didn't want to lose me. She tried to give me the signals to warn me off, but I was already in love with the illusion that she had accepted. We remained friends even through the divorce, and frequently talked as friends as the kids were growing up. I even became friends with her husband.

She found out that I was transitioning, and her husband was a fundamentalist Christian. His sister introduced Leslie to a social worker who wrote a letter to a judge asking that my visitation be revoked or supervised. She told me that if I didn't abort the transition, she would turn the letter over to the judge "for the sake of the children". I aborted. About 6 months later, she asked me to stop seeing the kids because the kids would turn into brats after each visitation, especially with her husband. Not surprising. When I had them, I wanted to make every minute count, and we tried to make every moment fun. He was the one who had to make them do their homework, do their chores, and be responsible children. So I took a six month engagement in New York to give them a chance to bond to their new "Daddy". I hadn't been there a week when I got the call from Leslie asking me to send picture of Debbie. She had told Nick about my dressing and he didn't believe her. I didn't want her using the pictures in court, so I talked to him on the phone and told him it was true, that his mom didn't know until we had been together for 3 weeks, and that I had always wanted to be a girl. Later that night, he told his sister. Rather than be devastated, he become more loyal than ever. He hated Jerry for having the affair with his mom, and hated his mom for leaving his "Real Dad". A week later, I got a letter from Leslie telling me that she was going to put Nick in a Foster Home. I had suspected this might happen, so I had written a clause into our divorce settlement stating that if she couldn't handle EITHER of the children, then custody of BOTH would automatically and irrevocably revert to me. I called her and reminded her of this, and she told me how defiant Nick was being. She wanted to give him to Jerry's sister (the one who referred her to the social worker). I asked her to put Nick on the phone. I asked if he was being so mean to Jerry because he wanted me there? He said yes. I told him, "I can't be there right now, I'm in New York. What I want you to do though is climb into Jerry's lap, give him a great big hug, and tell HIM everything you would want to tell me. Can you do that?" He said "yeah, but Jerry doesn't like to hug". I told him to put Jerry on the phone, i told Jerry "Nick is going to climb up in your lap and give you a hug, and tell you anything he wants to say for about 30 minutes, you will hug him, hold him, and LISTEN, or I will use the letter you just sent me to take back BOTH of the kids, do you understand? It took about 2 weeks for the bond to form, and by the end of the month, Jerry was his "real dad" and I became "Dad Rex". It hurt like sin, but it gave him a chance at a normal healthy childhood. Later, he would tell his friends, especially his girl-friends, about his TWO DADS and his TWO Moms. There was Dad Jerry and Dad Rex, and Mom Leslie, and Mom Debbie. Several of his girlfriends wanted to see pictures of Mom Debbie, and his fiance even wanted to MEET Mom Debbie.

After Leslie, I was OUT. I would go to parties, AA meetings, NA meetings, Dances, and social events as Debbie. At a Halloween dance, I showed up as Debbie and danced with a few different women. I gave them my number, letting them have the safety and control of being able to decide whether they wanted to explore further. About 2 weeks later, Sierra calls up on my message machine and leaves me a voice message, whispering "Transvestites really turn me on" and giving me her number a bit more loudly. I called the following afternoon (got the message very late the night before), and we set up a date. Because she knew what I was, knew I was transgendered, and knew I was a cross-dresser, it was something she had been seeking. She had been bisexual and loved the idea of having a girl-friend to go shopping with, and a boyfriend to go to dinner and family events with. That relationship lasted 15 years. The main reason we never got married was because we couldn't live in the same place. She was a psychic and spent her summers in Provincetown, and I was working and living in the New York City area, working for major corporations. Even when I started working as a consultant, I needed to be close to a major airport. I couldn't spend 8 hours working, 6 hours on a plane, 4 hours driving, and a couple hours waiting in airports and do it safely. It was a "long distance love affair" from the beginning. When we were together there was love, romance, wonderful sex, great conversations, and lots of laughter. Then we'd be apart for 3-4 weeks. We'd call each other on the phone, we'd pillow talk on the phone, and we'd share what was going on. After Halloween, she would "break up" with me, moving in with her father. She didn't want me to meet the family for almost a decade, afraid Debbie would come out and her father would give her grief all the time once he found out.

I quit dressing entirely for 6 months. The side-effects were devastating. I had back-aches, I couldn't sleep, I started eating and was always hungry, I stopped caring about my appearance, and I started to develop a nasty temper. Eventually, I dropped the program that required me to quit dressing, and Sierra made sure that I got dressed when we were together, even if it was only at home. Though she eventually started calling me her "Buddha Boy" because I was beginning to look more like the laughing Buddha than Debbie the Doll. Eventually we went our separate ways. Largely my fault.

By 2001 I had blown up to over 320 lbs. I couldn't dress anymore. I couldn't even fit in the airplane seat. I avoided mirrors, and even though I under-dressed, I avoided mirrors. I went on Atkins and dropped fairly quickly to 245. I was still a size 18, but at least I was starting to feel like a human being again. I began to notice that the more I dressed, the more I lost. So I dressed more.

After Sierra, I decided to try on-line dating. My Sister me her husband that way, my Dad met my step-mom after my mother had died, and several other close friends had been quite successful. So I decided I'd give it a try. I decided it would only work if I was "ugly honest". In my profile, I put "I'm a cross between Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Bill Gates, Sean Connery, and Madonna. I'm as weird as Williams, as Crazy as Carey, as Nerdy as Gates, an old Geezer like Connery, and I dress like Madonna." I also included pictures of both Rex and Debbie. Out of the nearly 1000 women who saw the profile, only a handful wanted to explore it further, 6 wanted to go on dates. Of those 6, 1 thought I wasn't dominant enough, 1 thought I wasn't submissive enough, 1 had an autistic 30 year old son, 1 had an aging mother she was caring for, and 1 - Lee, was JUST RIGHT. Lee and I talked on the phone for about 3 week until I came home from one of my business trips. On our first date, she knew exactly what to wear to push all my buttons (I'd told her), and she melted when, instead of kissing her on the lip or the cheek, I kissed her on the neck, right below and behind her ear. Later she told me she wanted to take me right then and there. After dinner, she told me she was wearing thigh highs, sexy lingerie, and a was feeling a bit frisky, but didn't want to force me to break my 3 date rule (no sex until after the third date, and only then if she wanted it). I smiled and said "that was there for your benefit, so you wouldn't feel pressured, but if you want to wave it, that's up to you. She said "Let's go then". She followed me home and told me to put on something less comfortable :-D. Then we spent quite a bit of time on foreplay, with me bringing her to several orgasms. When I pulled out the Hitachi Magic wand, she smiled and said "oh goody, toys!". The Hitachi plugs into the wall, so there are no batteries to run out. I finally let her slow down when the toy got too hot. She stayed the night and the next morning she had recovered enough to return the favor.

I also found out that she had told her daughter. Lee had shown her my profile, and her daughter said "Well, mom, at least you won't have to worry about crushing his fragile male ego when you take charge". Needless to say, we are also very good friends.

Lee and I have been married 7 years now. We've had our rough spots. The worst were medical issues. There was the time I had a stroke, and another time when I had what appeared to be a heart attack and almost cored in the emergency room. And then there were her hernia operations. It seems that when you have too many orgasms that are too intense too soon after a gall bladder operation, or ovary removal, you belly can turn into a peg-board. Lee has had 5 hernia operations. She's going in in November, after losing nearly 100 lbs, and limiting our sexual activity. She gets more frustrated than I do about that. We will have to abstain for another 6 months so she can completely heal without risk of more tears.

I told my fiancee Sabrina last October, when it looked like we'd have to get married quickly so we could get her on my health insurance so we could afford the medicine she needed. When I say "I told her," she would say, "she dragged it out of me." :) Her reaction was basically, "So?" She had no problem with it at all! I told her everything, and, before the night was over, I had put on a "fashion show" for her as Amy. Even now, she likes to see how I look after I've made the transformation. She picked out the blouse I'm wearing in my latest profile picture, too!

- Amy

Double, you would think that, it is logical, but I don't know that the data would support you. Now matter how open-minded a SO may be, the thought of her husband or boyfriend in women's clothes is too much for many. Others accept it, some more quickly than others, some more thoroughly than others. But there are many stories from members here who did come clean (see Debbie's above) and still ended up with a broken relationship or marriage. It isn't just about telling her for sure, but exactly why some women can accept a CD SO and others is not easily explainable.

I was encouraged to adopt a feminine identity by my female housemates when I was Twenty.
My wife as aware and thought I would give it away when we got married.
That never happened and she slowly accepted it.
Not without problems, you do have to work on it.

Mine knows and she 'discovered' a picture of me in my wallet (it was one of my early best). When she asked who the 'woman' was in the picture I told her it was me.
She got sterner and asked again "who is that woman"...I told her again and this time she got mad when I said it was me.
I told her to sit down and I went to my hiding spot and brought out my things.
"mmm let's see, I had on this brown dress, these shoes, these stockings and this wig."....well that did it and then we started to talk about it openly.

She was kinda relieved it was me and not some other "woman"....lol.

I talked about it with my wife before I really started actively CDing. I had experimented with certain items of clothing and makeup prior to that, but had never dressed fully.

I think that communication is probably the most important thing when it comes to helping a marriage weather this revelation. Unknowns in a relationship are corrosive and often small things grow into large problems if they are not addressed.

Mimi and I seem to have found a comfortable equilibrium. Our relationship is actually closer and better than it was before we had "the talk." Our social life has improved as well!

My wife and I have been married since 1996. I told her a little over 2 years ago (Jan 11th 2011. Yes I still remember the day and date!). Prior to that she says she had no idea.
We sat down after dinner and the kids had gone to bed and I told her. She took it extremely well. Yes she says that she preferred being told to "finding out". There are a couple of threads already on this site on "how to tell your SO".
How do we deal with it? Lots of communication, understanding of each other and taking things step by step. From there fast forward to today. Kids (12, 6 and 3) know I dress and we have been out together initially, more recently with the kids with me dressed to a few different places (museum, tourist attractions and dinners). Last month wife and I went to our first "trans" event, a trans ball. Was a lot of fun and wife said she really enjoyed meeting other, shall we say nonconventional couples and individuals in the flesh.
NB: Wife and I were always in the slightly "odd" crowd at university (yes we sadly went to university together in the same year :eek:). I don't know what it is like in the US but veterinary school in Oz was and still is VERY conservative. I mean it was like moleskins and check shirts were an unofficial uniform. For boys AND girls. We were hanging out with the goth, the gay guy (best man at our wedding :)), the drug users (ever tried dealing with paranoia in your prac partner during a chemistry prac exam!), the bi girl etc. Still bloody good friends with pretty much all of them. So you could say tolerance and acceptance was in her blood from the start :)

I told my wife about CDing before we were married. She was fairly accepting at first, then grew less so. Lately as the need to CD reasserted itself, she was first upset about it, but now seems to have come to terms with it. She has helped me re-stock my wardrobe (I had pretty much limited myself to underdressing for the last 17 years or so) and to buy makeup, and encouraged me to join a CD social group.

She still doesn't really like to see me cross-dressed, so she'll go out to give me some time to be Dawn.

I hadn't cross dressed in years, when I got married, saw no reason to mention it. But after 5 years of marriage, the need came back with a vengeance. I told the wife, before I had done anything about it. She was in the so what group, so we went shopping, and bought me all I needed to start dressing again. That evening she wanted to see what we had bought on me, so I did a fashion show, and have been dressing around her every since, oh that was about 37 years ago, now I spend most of my time at home dressed, and a lot of what I wear was gifts from the wife, she loves to buy for Tina.

6 months into marriage when I told her. I knew I needed to, and attempted to ease her into it. Mostly by shaving and some occasional comments. I was not surprised that it was and to a degree still is difficult for her, but surprised that there was still quite a shock factor for her. Now she says she can think back and and thinks yeah that makes sense....

When I had the talk with her, it wasn't actually planned, I was attempting more of the easing into it, hoping she would basically figure it out or at least by the time I did tell her would be comfortable with it. But I made one comment a little too far, and then it just started spilling out.

I am a GG, but me and my CD boyfriend actually met on a cross dressing dating site. I have always found a lot of CDs attractive, but had always assumed that they were gay. Once a friend made it clear that most CDs were not gay, I said what the heck and joined a CD dating site. Within the first month, my current boyfriend found me. Because his "biggest secret" was out of the way, we commenced with getting to know each other. So far, so wonderful!

I'm also a GG.

I found out by accident. I found women's underwear that I knew weren't mine, and I was pretty sure that he wouldn't have some other woman's underwear. He confessed that they were his and he had been dressing in private for years without my knowing. I was totally okay with it, and we plunged in headfirst. A couple years into it, I have a more difficult time with certain things, but am very willing and eager to get us both to a happy place.

I believe I would have had the same reaction if he had openly told me on his own rather than having been sort of forced to out himself.

My wife knew before we got married and my strange way of telling her was in bed and I pointed at her panties and told her I had worn panties before. From that we talked about it a little and I convinced her to let me borrow some of her clothes. We were not living together or nothing like that so she have me a sack with some of her clothes.
Since that time it's been very up and down mostly down with her really wanting it to all go away. When my so got older he pretty much knew but never saw me dress except when he was really young I dressed for a party in a French maids costume. I told my brother and sister and mom and dad but they never seemed interested in knowing more or even ask me about it. That's pretty much my story.

In our 20+ years of marriage, there have been subtle hints of my CDing but none more obvious than when she caught me trying on her skirt. That's when I knew I had to come clean and let her know.

We sat down and chatted about it and she was understandably confused at first. I explained the best I could about how CDing makes me feel. I could tell that she was uncomfortable with it and I told her if she wanted me to stop then I would, even if it was hard for me to do. While I never dress in front of her, she eventually came to terms with it and accepted my CDing once she saw that I was indeed the same person (and strong male) I was before she knew.

A side note: while she knows, I still keep my clothes hidden. She came across them the other day while I was gone and actually joked with me about them, telling me I had quite a little collection in there. She said as long as they are mine and don't belong to another woman then she doesn't care what I wear. It's quite a relief knowing that I no longer have to hide my things anymore, and I can keep my pumps and flats right next to my running shoes without fear of having to answer awkward questions.

Things are great with us. An open dialog with your SO is the best provided they are accepting of your CDing. Naturally, your results may vary.

Hi DSC, My wife has known sense very early in 1964 when we got married just about 50yrs. ago

I just told her early on in our relationship. Since then we discussed it a lot, told her how much it meant to me that I could share it with her, and it's been fun since. Honesty really was the best policy.
Also small steps, was over a year before she saw me in full girl mode, made sure I didn't rush things.
Think things have paid off, we got engaged a couple of weeks ago.

Yes my wife knew about it 2 weeks ago, 6 months after we got married.
Until now she is quite ok with that. She also intends to buy some girly things for me.
However, because we are currently separated due to my work, I have never dressed in front of her. So i am not sure how she feel when it happens. Hope that she will not be turned off.