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I live in Tennessee, and I'm curious to see if anyone knows if my wife can use cross-dressing as grounds for divorce. She has never actually seen me nor does she have pictures or any type of proof, other than my coming out to her and admitting it. I think in court it would be her word against mine if I deny it, but i'm curious as to does anyone else have an experience like this
All she has to do is say she wants one. Irreconcilable differences. There is no need to prove anything more than "I want a divorce"
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/s.../Tenn_Laws.htm
I wouldn't worry about it Rick, it's really kind of a nonissue. If thinking about her bringing it up in court bothers you I wouldn't even try to deny it, just say "so NOW you don't like it?" lOL
I've dealt with it in a few different situations like that and what feels uncomfortable about it for me was simply worrying about being judged. If you act like it isn't a big deal and that she's using it against you for her favor now it will actually backfire on her.
Even if it came to that fear that you have now you wouldn't be the first or last person, nor would anyone even really care, they've heard it all in the courtroom.
Times have changed Rick intelligent people do not look down on us as they did years ago..Chances are she would be looked down upon for even thinking as such.Courts only go by what the laws are and where I live it's a no fault state maybe the same is for you..
Also....You may never know what that judge is wearing under that robe ..
Your word against hers...and the internet records she'll bring up showing the time you've spent in pages such as these.
Doesn't seem like denial is such a good strategy. Besides, as others have said, it probably won't matter in the scheme of things.
I guess my question is, Do YOU want a divorce too?
No I love her and our marriage , I've been so happy, I don't want it to end
Then why are you worrying about divorce ? Concentrate on your marriage.
Marriage takes two, I'm in heart body and soul, but like I said it takes two
If you deny it in court and your SO can prove you did, I think you'd be toast. Perjury?
Ineke
She doesn't need it as grounds for divorce... but she MIGHT be able to use it as a weapon against you in court (especially if you have children and have custody issues.)
Rick, if she finds the forum and reads your post above what will she think? You need to stop worrying about the possibility of divorce and worry about making your relationship the best it can be. Do that and you will be much happier and secure. Be paranoid and your wife will pick up on your vibe and become the same.
Rick, if divorce is on the table, you have deeper issues to face than cross dressing. There is nothing illegal about cross dressing and the courts recognize this. As others have well-stated, work on your marriage. It's worth saving--even if you have to put dressing aside for awhile. I went through this very thing not long ago and it takes a lot of time to work through it. It's worth the effort.
Well said Lara
I would stop cross-dressing entirely if it could save my marriage. Our relationship is far more important to me than any sexual fetish, I love her more than anything in life.
I remember Karen Hutton's quote.
"Anything is grounds for divorce".
If you wish to save a marriage, you have to have tolerance and work through ALL the missunderstandings that have precipated arguments.
When I was going through a divorce from my 1st wife, I was open to my lawyer about my crossdressing. I was going for custody of our kids since she just packed up and moved 1/2 way across the country. I asked my lawyer if my crossdressing would be an issue in getting custody of our kids and he asked me if I did it in front of them. I told him of course not, then he said it would not be an issue. This was 17 years ago and I would assume the laws are more open minded.
My divorce took place in Nebraska and I am not sure what the laws in Tennessee are.
So I guess my advice is........ If divorce is unavoidable then talk to a lawyer and be honest with him/her about your crossdressing and they can advise you on what to do or not to do.
In an earlier thread Rick said his wife has already moved out the house after seeing a few of his messages on this board.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter
nope, been there done that, even had child services called and if you handle it correctly it's not an issue. The point is that it hurts no one. Remember that and stick to it and you'll be fine. Acting guilty, weird, or suspicious WILL cause problems though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV
Rick, Noone on here can give you accurate info on your question. You have to ask a lawyer that question, one who is licensed in Tennessee, and one who is versed in divorce law. In case you haven't figured it out yet, you need a lawyer NOW. From what you have said, it sounds like she is the kind to attempt to take you to the cleaners. It sound like it is time for you to get a barracuda lawyer and go on the offense.
If you don't, you could spend the rest of your life trying to get out of debt and living like a pauper.
Been there--divorce is viciousness, meaness, selfishness, egos, and lawyer games all rolled into one package. The only ones to win are the lawyers.
Jodi
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post3368561Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick5881
If he had children to worry about, then I would recommend working on being an active participant in their lives -- getting them meals, helping them with sports and homework, etc. That's what the courts seem to look at when deciding on custody issues.
But Rick doesn't have children with her. And she doesn't need grounds for divorce. As you say, Rick, "marriages takes two."
You need to consult an attorney for a general Q&A as to whether any grounds for divorce have to be divulged in the pleadings. You indicated you do not have any children with your wife, and, I am assuming, if you have children with a prior wife any support obligations are already on the books.
Your earlier posts in November indicated after a rocky start after revealing your cross dressing, things seemed to get better. That appears to be a normal occurrence in many postings, but, then the wife has time to reflect. And, she can always reevaluate her position and act accordingly.
If I read a prior posting you indicated she was married before and the marriage ended with infidelity. If that is true, then she may very well be viewing your pre-marital non disclosure as another breech of marital trust. Not only do you have to deal with the current situation, you are also dealing with a prior bad act by a husband.
After investing 21 years in a prior marriage, she may want to bail out early. And, although cross dressing may not be illegal it is not widely accepted by society. And, I do not believe Tennessee is not a really accepting place for non traditional lifestyles. It seems infidelity is more accepting and forgiving than cross dressing.
Not sure on Tenn. law but in Michigan my wife desperately wants to use it against me in court, no kids involved, her lawyer, who would if she could, has told her not to bother with it. Says the court will give it no weight other than to look upon her as a petty gold digger looking for anything leverage she can and if that is her best shot it would work against her.