Cross-play?

The little one 4 yr old boy, that I take care of, often presents some really interesting questions for me to ponder. Recently, because of the holiday season, he has been going through the department store toy advertizements. Picking out the items that he wants to ask Santa Claus for. Sometimes a item catches his attention. Something that he likes and might want. On this occasion it happens to be a "Barbie Princess Costume." He has a box full of costumes in his playroom. A fireman (which is his favorite). A super hero (Iron-man). An army man (Funny how that one got in there?) A ninja ( In case he wants to beat me up!) . A cowboy (Yee Haw!). He even has a Tutu ( He often likes to wear it when we go skating. Not to worry. I checked it out with his father first to make sure he was Ok with it. Besides, He looks so cute in it!).
He seems to know, as much as a child of his age actually can, what the word "pretend" means. So when he asked me "Can I be a princess." My answer to him was. "Of course you can, Sweetie. You can pretend to be anything that you want." Of course, I'll have to ask his father about it. Since I promised him that "I will never do anything to influence his son in regards to gender identity." We both feel that is something he will have to decide for himself when he is old enough. Along with the other hard questions of life.
I've been hearing a lot in the media lately about doctors discovering how different the male and female brains are wired. (Like "Duh!",We didn't know that already!)

It kinda made me wonder."What part does a child's choice of play have to do with laying down the foundation of cerebral circuits?"

Call it "Cross-playing", the propensity to favor playing with the opposite genders toys. (IE, a boy playing with dolls or a girl playing with trucks or blocks.)

It is a scientific fact that the act of play is very important to a child's development.

As for myself, I remember playing with toys of both types when I was little. I even played dress-up (In girl's clothes.)with my little sisters. But I also played "War" in the woods with my other brothers too! (Bang-Bang "You're dead!"." So I think that both types of play sort of balanced each-other out.Which answers my question as to how come I'm such a "Tomboy" and not tipped towards either the totally "Fem" or the "Masculine" side. (A yin and yang thing going there. Works for me.)

So what is the question here? Is there one? Or has Dawnmarrie1961 totally lost it again? ("Go back and play with your comic books, Dawnmarrie! You don't have anything important to say!)

Only time will tell

Here is an interesting "Me Facto": I never was much, growing up, for wanting to take things apart and figure out how they worked. I didn't like building things. Drawing? Yes. But that's a different type of "building".
I wasn't much help to my father when he used to have me help him in the garage when he was working on a car. He ask me to hand him a 7/16 wrench and I'd give him the wrong one every time. I didn't know the difference! He'd get mad and me and I'd run into the house crying! A wrench was a wrench to me! Course my little brother pissed me off by showing me up all the time. The little twerp was more mechanically inclined then I was. Damn it!
Maybe I should have played with more tools and left the dolls alone?

Cerebral circuits notwithstanding...I think a bit of experimentation is understandable at that age. Major fem behavior that persists probably indicates something deeper.
I am thinking that crossdressers don't really begin to find the pleasure until about age 10 or 12.

Wrenches are marked as to size on the handle. And besides 7/16 isn't much good. He probably wanted a 9/16ths, anyway. My wrenches seldom get used.
Nothing wrong with drawing; its art. A higher intellectual level.

You bring up interesting points, I am a History/Anthropology student, we see children play more gender neutral at those ages, by the time the enter an institution of conformity like kindergarten, they see how other groups play. They then associate usually with their sex because of peer conformity. This is not always the case however, as we can all chime in on our own childhoods. My 4 year old has a love of Legos, so when he started liking the Little Mermaid, and found a Little Mermaid Lego set he had to have it. He enjoys pretending to be Ariel, and Prince Eric. I have never introduced Valarie to him and my wife and I have decided that would be something much later in his life. He does tell me that my toe nails are pretty.
Children develop because of their environment, the surroundings, people, and conditions they live in. Personality is also a factor too, we have always told our son that boys and girls can be and do what they want. Needless to say there will be some interesting parent teacher conferences soon; with a mom that has purple hair, tattoos, and piercings, and a dad with tattoos and high heels.

all I know is I played with dolls, and had gramma paint my nails when she painted hers, and I remember asking why I couldn't wear dresses too. this was before I started school. dad hated it. lol.

The desires never subsided.

Are you talking about "Sexual pleasure"? I don't remember crossdressing as a pleasurable experience for me.. I just did it! It always seemed to me that dressing in male clothing was akin to wearing a costume all the time, which I felt I needed to do in order to conceal the "real me" from the rest of the world, especially my parents and siblings.Back then,time being what they were, I was afraid.

Another "Poser": Were those western brains that those scientists scanned? Did they scan any brains that were from countries where gender stereo typing is not so prominently integrated into all aspects of society? The results might have been very different. (I'll go back to my comic now. I've gotta pump out some more pages of Xombies: Biohazard today.)

Brains! Brains! Brains!:devil: MO HA HA!!!

As a child growing up in the early 60's, there were "boy toys" and "girl toys" and they didn't cross anywhere...until Barbie got a car. Boys played "Coyboys and Indians" and "Fireman" and Policeman", gilrs played "house", "shopping" and with their dolls. Due to my illness, I was rarely outside to play with other neighborhood boys so my "games" were the only other option - girls games. Most of the time when we played "house" I was the dad. But dad's don't go shopping or play with the dolls so I had to be "one of the girls". Didn't bother me a bit. What did change me was when I was 10. But I've shared that enough elsewhere on here. Did the playing with girls/dolls/etc steer me to a cross-gender life? I don't think so. Did it allow me to think it was ok to cross genders? I'd say yes

Because of our own orientation in life when children ask "canI be a princess there mind is probably thinking of something quite different to what we imagine.
Their reasoning is also quite different. A Prince will suit them because the want to emulate a fairy tale, but if they elaborate on the request by saying I want to try on a dress that gives a very different bit of reasoning.

It seems that both you and the dad have right approach - allowing the child's identity to reveal itself when it's time. Your answer to the princess question was the best available, that you can PRETEND to be anything you want. A more blunt YES or NO answer might seem to break the promise to not influence the child's gender identity. I have two friends dealing with sons expressing very strong feminine behaviors. Unfortunately, what friends and family think about it gets in the way of what's best for the children, as the parents try to minimize their embarrassment.
I played with boy toys and learned to use tools, and liked it. I also played with my older sister. I was always the doctor, she was the nurse. I was the boss, she was the secretary. That was the reality of life, after all. We are influenced so young.

I think you provided a good answer - let the child explore and decide when he or she is ready