Emotional rollercoaster

Hi girls,
Last week I finally allowed myself to be a girl. I even went outdoor dressed as Irena. It felt wonderful!
Finally I felt like I was myself. But since last week my emotions are running high. I want to be Irena again. But at the moment i cannot be Irena. I told my boyfriend that I like to cross dress. He accepts it as long as it will not be too often. I can clearly that he has a difficult time with it. I think that I will have to take small steps. At the moment I feel a bit locked up again. When my boyfriend isn’t at home I’ am surfing the internet for how to be a girl. But I really feel like I’ am doing something I am not allowed too. When I am in bed I feel like I want to scream! I feel locked up with myself. I am even crying. Today I went to my doctor to talk about it. I was so nervous about it. But she responded quite open. I cried a lot. She said I will need some professional help with my journey. She said she will also make an appointment at the transgender department. Anyway a lot of mixed feelings.

X, Irena

Well, going to see someone about your issues is a good starting point. One needs someone to talk to, whether its friends or a professional.

Yeah, having someone to talk honestly and openly with to would change everything. It sounds like you're dealing with some pretty strong emotions and urges, and you shouldn't have to go through it alone.

While my wife knows about me, she doesn't really engage in conversation about it, and I'm not really feeling any less lonely than before she knew. That's probably the main reason I joined this community. For the advice, stories, and occasional support and reassurance.

Hang in there Irena, you'll make it.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by talking to a professional, Irena - just try to take your time and remember that many folks here go through those feelings and there's a lot of support from those that understand. And sometimes a good cry helps, just make sure you always come back smiling :hugs:
Katey x

Despite the emotional roller coaster, you made a good choice in consulting with your physician and she was wise to refer you to gender specialists.

Irena,
Like everyone here has said, you are being sensible in seeking help.
Remember to take their advice too.

Talking to someone can make all the difference. Good luck Irena hugs :)

Irena,

First of all, be happy that you have realized that part of your personality that is such a wonderful part. Second, now that you know Irena, it's important that you not ignore her. Finding a professional who specializes in transgender issues will help beyond what you may now realize. Of course, you must be honest with the person. It sounds that you are ready to address your feelings. I wish you luck, honey. Be Happy!

Cassie :love:

Iena,
So sorry to read of your emotional rollercoaster. You did the right thing in going to the doc and talking about it. Make sure that you follow up with some counselling from an experienced person. I wish you the very best on your journey.

You are confronting a situation that many males, who assume they are gay, encounter. Being gay AND transgender are no mutually exclusive and one does not cause the other.

Unfortunately, most gay males (and gay females) are only interested in other gay males (or gay females) and the conundrum you face is if you are truly transgender what will happen to your relationship with your boy friend.

Talking with someone who has experience in situations is very important. Emotions are internal responses to situations we don't understand. A good therapist will allow you to separate the emotional confusion and create rational decisions. It is up to you to accept the rational answer to overcome the emotional confusion.

I wish you well. A path is much easier to follow when you know where you want to go, rather than heading off in any direction with no idea where you will end up.

Hi Girls,
Thanks a lot for all the support and helpful reactions. I guess I have a lot to think about at the moment. Next Tuesday i have an appointment with my doctor. And I am afraid Miki is right.
But I can only hope that my boyfriend will accept it if I’ am tanking it slow. Because I really love him.
X, Irena