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Am I good looking?
My wife assures me that I am by the way but I can state with candor that I've never thought I was good looking. I know I'm not Quasimodo but good looking....? I rarely look in the mirror, even when I shave, I usually walk around (electric). I don't look because what am I really going to do? I got what I got. My hair is buzz cut so there is never a "hair" issue, I'm well past acne so what's left? Spinach on my teeth? So basically, I'm a dude and as long as there isn't a booger hanging from nose, I'm good to go.
But in girl mode, I am very conscious of my appearance. Part of it is that I want to make the best presentation possible so that when I am out, I'll not traumatize the normals. A related component is that I am amazed at the change that I can make. Clearly, women don't think this way. Women augment with makeup, cross dressers change. So I look at every small nuance of my face as I apply my makeup. When I'm done, I step back and self appraise. And I'm appraising a different face in the mirror, not the "me" that I am in guy mode. I can look at that image and think that's an attractive woman. So how nutty is that?! Pretty nutty in my book but I do it.
So the question is, as a guy, do I really not care or is it that my options are so limited, there's no point? Is this is just self-indulgence I justify as "what women do?" At the end of the day, maybe it's just socialization. I really don't know. I certainly don't think about being "good looking" when in guy mode, but I do want to be "good looking" in girl mode. That's kind of weird. Why do I care? Is this your normal as well?
UPDATE: 1250 ish views and 40+ replies tells me this struck a chord somewhere. Here's the general summary: Cross dressers overwhelmingly report putting little to no effort into their male side. Wow. Only three women commented thus far but a general consensus exists: "Men, put in some effort, your wife will appreciate it!" kind of sums it up. Guys, we have to try harder.
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Just taking a guess that you have been a guy longer than Jennifer has been around! You may be so used to seeing your guy side, that like most guys, it almost never changes, and perhaps your guy may be a bit boring, while Jennifer probably pays more attention to details - hers and her surroundings, which can create some excitement and challenge. Try not to be so critical of your guy side, but please do enjoy all the facets of your entire being.
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hit the nail on the head jen,
i obsess after every photo session , i keep a mirror at the tripod so i can check my look before the timer goes,
never fails, if i have a good smile, too dark, eyes closed, great color,
do an adjustment with editing, shiny face but the clothes look better,
will this look better with that, thank good i dont go out id never be ready !! yesterday was the first day i thought i would try while looking in the mirror, then the editing began and pic, pic, pic,
like everyone says were our own worst critics, even in guy mode, but i give it less thought....
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I really care how I look in femme mode,want to look as pretty as I possibly can with my little knowledge of applying makeup.....I really don't care what I look like in guy mode,and you are right ,in guy mode we are very limited on what we can do,but as women,we can change our looks sooo much by different wigs,short or long dresses,casual or dressy...it is sooo much fun to be feminine...and yes I too am amazed at the woman that looks back at me in the mirror and I actually think she is attractive.....I don't think you are nutty,just really happy about who you see in the mirror......happy dressing! Jamie
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Hi Jenn
Great question !! This response is coming from a guy who despises having his picture taken, who eye will move to the flaw in the face, or the nose, or the chin or any other unflattering feature
As Gretchen, easily 95% of the pictures go to the recycle bin immediately after viewing. I think that there are maybe 5-10 pictures that I sort of like of myself.
But for what we do, it's doubly tough - as not only are we are trying to use makeup as GGs do to enhance our look, but we are also using makeup techniques to hide or downplay our mainly traits, be it shadow, or cheek structures, etc.
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Beneath the skin, nobody looks good.
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I have seen a lot of before and after pictures of CDs and find most to be a lot better looking as females, either they do an amazing job with hair and makeup of I really can't find the male appearance attractive at all. Me, as long as my wife finds me attractive I don't worry much about my male appearance. But I agree with you Jennifer, I do place a lot of effort into appearing if not passable at least not horrible in my female form.
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Michelle, maybe that's a piece of the puzzle. My wife loves me and thinks I'm attractive so it really doesn't matter after that. I'm not looking.
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I find it sad that you don't care what you look like as a man. Your options are certainly not limited. There are very stylish hairstyles for men and the clothes are just as abundant as women's clothes. I work with quite a few guys that never look the same every day. Their pants, shirts and shoes are always different and stylish. If you are going to love yourself you need to find a way to love all of yourself. Not just care about how you look as a girl. Unless you really want to be one. Put some of your efforts into the man you are or things will certainly get out of balance.
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As far as I've seen arround, this is pretty common in crossdressers. They just don't care about themselves when not dressed, they place all emphasis when going to dress to the point of obssession some times. Autogynephilia on a emotional level I say. I guess myself included... because this sounds close to me.
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Kitty, maybe you are right. Perhaps I've been coasting. I'm guy me 99.9% of the time. Perhaps a little effort is in order.
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Yep, you're good looking. Both ways.
I'm not attracted at all to guys, but I can admit when one is a good looking guy.
I try to get my wife to tell me that I could go out and not be too badly noticed
when dressed. She still tells me I look like a man. Lucky for me she's pretty
straight about it. I'd easily convince myself I could go out shopping...lol!
I think if I were in a place where I could go out with other CD's, I wouldn't care.
But, alone, I'd need to be closer to actually passing. Not all the way, as that
ain't possible, but just enough to sneak by unnoticed.
As a guy, I don't care, and the rougher looking I am...here where we live..the
better.
As a girl, I can't go out, so just taking a zillion pictures and getting the few
acceptable ones will have to do for me.
I didn't even know my hair was grey til a few months ago. I never paid any
attention. Getting old gets here before one knows it. Take advantage while
you can...;)
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I'll disagree on guys not caring how they look in guy mode. I do think the options are limited. Sure, I could change my hair color, but it would mean pouring the dye into the shower drain. But, seriously, look at the limited colors and styles that are available to men, and how it's only in the past few years that products other than acne meds were available to help a guy's facial appearance (and even now there really isn't much). Plus, there is the societal factor, and we aren't encouraged to delve into experimentation in improving our appearance.
One of the great things CD is that we can experiment, money allowing.
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I know exactly what you are talking about girl! i wouldn't say i don't care about my male appearance but the options are much more limited. I can select my pants (5 or 6 different hues) and then a matching shirt (no tie or jacket required unless customers are in). its pretty boring. I may wear some jewelry (necklace or bracelet if desired) if i am inclined but nothing like Darla gets to wear.
with Darla there are tons of options! many wigs , which outfit , and what makeup look. In fact i do plan out all my dressing sessions so i don't waste time.
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It's much the same with me, Jennifer - right down to the buzz cut. About the only thing I do for my guy appearance is wear contacts and a decent shirt, and I hardly give it a thought. In gal mode I fret over makeup, matching clothes, and every nuance of how the clothes lay over my body, and I worry about my appearance much of the time - even checking makeup in the car mirror on my way to destinations.
I like to think that someday I'll be more comfortable and relaxed in gal mode, but the amount of work it takes to be convincingly femme makes it pretty unlikely.
Miriam
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Jennifer,
You took the words right out of my mouth. Almost every line of your post could have been written by me. So if you're Nutty, then I'm NUTTY too.
Hugs, Connie Marie
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I agree with your wife you are good looking on male mode take it from someone that really admire and pay attention how males look
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Jen,
Count me in as one of the NUTTY bunch!
In my case, I'm extremely attracted to women, they just have so many options for different looks. When I dress it's fun to look at myself and see a partially attractive woman looking back in the mirror or in photos. But when I'm in drab mode... it's more like "that guy looks familiar, time to take out the trash". LOL
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A few years ago I realized that I was doing this same thing. Not so much with my clothes, as I have a fashion bug whether for male or female clothes, but in terms of my face, as a male I would barely even glance at it in the mirror. Also as a male I never noticed all of the little annoying things like the stray nose hair or the couple of weirdo hairs growing on top of my ears. But once I noticed this massive imbalance I have tried to correct it. And am now doing a much better job with caring for myself equally in both modes.
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You know Nadine, I think my wife deserves more from me! Perhaps one does not need to be vane to be the best you can be.
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yeah that's pretty much the same deal for me. I've never cared for myself in guy mode. I'm a short, scrawny vaguely effeminate guy. There's not much I can do about that. I'm not gonna grow anymore, LOL. I keep my weight in check and get exercise now and then, and I try to make sure I don't look like a slob but, the best I can do as a guy is "meh ..."
... But I can be completely gorgeous in girl mode, and I really really like that. I like being able to look in the mirror and say ... "I really love the way I look" and just mean it and believe it in a way that I just could never achieve in guy mode. It's not that I hate my dude side, it's that I'm sort of indifferent to it honestly ... all the best parts of me seem to come out in girl mode.
this thread is a great corollary to that other "what happened to make you want to crossdress" thread. For me the answer is "discovering that I could feel so much better about myself as a girl". I don't even know if I can be "good looking" as a guy. Honestly I don't think I can, LOL.
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Jennifer, this is probably as simple as you're just more appreciative of feminine beauty because you're a heterosexual guy so never put much thought into the guy version. Women like attractive men but that's not the main thing we really look for in a partner, as I think everyone understands. I think men are just more visual, especially when it comes to all things female. It makes sense you'd put more effort into your female outfit as it's what your eye admires the most. And that's not because you're out attracting other men or anything, before anyone assumes that's what I mean! It's just how you're wired and it's also a socialisation thing as this is what women do.
But Kitty's right, men can look amazing when dressed well and you have the looks to do this, so go jazz yourself up and surprise your wife. She will be tossing out your plain man clothes in no time - then both sides of your wardrobe will look beautiful.
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Best explanation yet Tink! I think you're right. And the visual thing also explains why women are always better looking than the guy they are with (we all know this too;-)).
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I find myself much more concerned with appearance when we go out if I'm en femme than if I'm being a dude. When I dress as a man I need jeans. Any jeans will do. I need a shirt. As long as it doesn't clash, any shirt will do. When preparing for a night out as Rita every detail of the outfit is scrutinized and discussed. Julie always does a marvelous job on my make up so that's not really a concern. I'm not even close to pretty but I'm happy and I do fret over every aspect of my appearance. And I can't pass a mirror lol
Hug
Rita
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I honestly can't tell what a good looking guy looks like. When I was still working, some guy would come into the lab and the women would start making salacious comments about him after he left. I would be completely amazed that they would think this guy was attractive. Yet some other guy would be deemed unattractive and I would be clueless as to why. In fact that's the main reason I was able to convince myself that I wasn't gay. When I finally accepted that I "must" be gay due to my strange sexual predilections, I went looking for a "hot guy" to initiate me and couldn't imagine what one looked like. I was doomed to be attracted to females.
I've always been lucky in that a significant percentage of women consider me good looking. Lucky because if I was even mildly unattractive, I would have died a virgin since I'm so unaggressive in matters of sex and romance. I asked a girl out on a date exactly one time in my entire life yet I've never been alone except when I wanted to be. Most times it goes no further than the initial attraction because most women like to be pursued and I'm just not built that way. I've been told innumerable times that I bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain movie star heartthrob of the last generation. We're both older now and not so sexy anymore.
Oddly enough, I always got more attention from women when I dressed down. When I dressed up, I was perceived as stuck up or gay. I've been told more than once that I was "too good looking to be straight." lol! I guess when I dress down I don't seem vain. Nowadays my male uniform consists of overalls, logger boots, long sleeve t-shirt, sombrero and my hair (what's left of it) in a long braid in back. The cows and chickens don't seem to care one way or another. I don't go out in public much anymore and when I do I dress to be unnoticed. I only CD in private and, of course, everything has to be perfect according to my motto - "every thing worth doing is worth doing to excess."