A couple of Qs for the SFDs

SFDs as in Single Full Dressers. You don't have a SO and dress fully. Wigs, makeup, forms, padding/body shaping items...[sorry if I missed anything?]

As so many don't seem to know WHY they dress, I thought I would throw this out there. Have you had "more than your share of failed LTRs"? [whether your dressing had any bearing or not]

Have you given up finding a female partner maybe and perhaps dressing is somewhat of a substitute for female companionship? Maybe just less risk or hassle than risking another Relationship that doesn't work out?

This is a repost from April of 2013. [now closed of course] A mostly new crowd now waters here and it looks to fit some of you.

???

After several failed relationships, none of which ever resulted in marriage or children, I more or less decided around the summer of 1997 to let the cards fall where they may, and to pursue dressing more fully and openly. My theory, I guess, is that I wasn't very successful at making conventional male-female connections, and it couldn't get any worse if I would present to my potential dates as transgendered from the git-go, and I might as well be relaxed and happy in my behavior and appearance while looking. At the worst, I would have some more topics to talk to women about (clothes, the beauty shop, etc.), and always myself to turn back to when I needed a "female" presence in my life. I made some permanent changes in my appearance, started dressing more androgynously on a daily basis, and began shopping, socializing and just generally living my life en femme more often, mostly on the weekends.

I can't say this has really been any more successful as a dating strategy for me -- I'm still unattached, and have had only a few interesting "nibbles" from women since then, nothing that led to a dating relationship or anything more serious. But I'm more open in my social life, a little more outgoing and, I think, a more interesting person. In other words, there have been some mildly positive outcomes, and no really negative ones. I'm still looking for that open-minded woman who can appreciate all the sides of my personality, though. If you're reading this, please get in touch. :)

- Diane

I find your opening post a bit heterocentric Wild, but that as a side note ;)

I'm 29 and I have had two LTRs in my life. The second one ended about two years ago and lasted about six years, five of which we also lived together. That relationship was quite 'irregular', but that's a story for another day. As a result, my ex and I have remained very good friends. Either way, cross-dressing hardly played any role in that relationship and certainly wasn't the reason it ended. I only started to take cross-dressing much more seriously after the relationship ended in the first place, which probably plays into that little theory of yours.

I'm not actively looking for any kind of relationship. It's not that I'm scared of 'failing' it again, I just don't think I want that kind of commitment right now, both emotionally and practically. I'm pretty happy where I'm at, I'm not in dire need of kids, mortgages or another set of 'in-laws'. If I ever meet someone as crazy as me, I might give it a try.

By the way, I do think I know WHY I dress, but I'd be happy to hear your analysis.

ha ha me too....i can tell you this...and this is just my opinion....and mine alone....girls are annoying and needy and a waste of money and time...relationships are sacrifices and I am just too selfish....thats me.....its good to be free, and independent and not rely or need anyone to do anything ...its nice not to ask permission...what am i missing out on? having to cozy up to someone on a cold night watching bad Jenifer Aniston & Vince Vahn movies...no thanks...I havent had " more than my share of relationships either" ...just enough to know Im too selfish to care . And dressing isnt a substitute for me cause I would actually have to be MISSING something for that to happen which I def am not. I could have a relationship...but being single is alot more fun....and I will never have kids....for the same selfish reasons. George Clooney is MY role model.

I wish I was as strong as Adriana. I love people and my life, I also love to get cozy with someone ... who cares what I am watching. I have fun with my last gf, I love giving back, foot and hand rubs. I get pleasure giving pleasure and serving.

I have nieces and would love to have kids.

"Have you given up finding a female partner maybe and perhaps dressing is somewhat of a substitute for female companionship?"
I have lost a lot of female gf's and never thought my dressing was a substitute ... interesting idea.

I do hold out hope, but getting concerned.

Yay! There is an acronym for someone like me! :D

I've had three relationships in my life.. of which two qualify as LTR... and they all ended because of reasons completely unrelated to crossdressing.

Even though they knew of my dressing and supported me, I would also have to be honest in the sense that my dressing back in the days was not of the same level as now. And thus I figure it was easier for those ex-girlfriends to be supportive back then.

Nowadays, I just wonder how many women would like to be in a LTR with a guy who wants to wake up and have the freedom to decide how to dress for that day. There is always hope, but I'm not planning my life with that possibility in mind. ;)

I'm just very happy and content where my life is with respect to my dressing.. and there is no way I'm going to give that up for anyone. So there's that.. :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zylia

I'm not actively looking for any kind of relationship. It's not that I'm scared of 'failing' it again, I just don't think I want that kind of commitment right now, both emotionally and practically. I'm pretty happy where I'm at, I'm not in dire need of kids, mortgages or another set of 'in-laws'. If I ever meet someone as crazy as me, I might give it a try.

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It's possible to be an SFD and have a mortgage.. ;)

@Nat True:D I guess I should have said "financial dependence" or community property.

I haven't had a LTR since my divorce years ago and yes, my dressing is a way to have a feminine presence in my life, I think. It's not the only reason I'm femme, but it is one. That aspect wasn't a deliberate strategy at first and it took me awhile to realize what was going on.

I've not been in a LTR since about 2005. In part due to my job, I work 8 to 12 hours a night, and in part due to my dressing. Would I love be in a LTR? YES! But what woman wants a guy that has to sleep during the day AND wants to wear dresses, maybe more then she does? As for an increase in my dressing to replace a woman in my life, I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

I am a SFD and have been in several LTR's. Those relationships did not end due to my C/D. I have not been in a long term relationship for 8 years. I like not being in a full time relationship because I can do what I want when I want and don't have to explain myself to anyone.
C/D is not replacing a relationship. I have been doing it for as long as I can remember.

I'm way happier being single, I've only had a couple serious partners over the last few years, and it just doesn't suit me right now. I love to kiss whoever I like, whenever I like to be honest. Crossdressing isn't the "female companionship" in my life, its something I do for the kicks - I have my fair share of female friends, and enough overnight acquaintances (or however you're meant to say that politely) to go round, so it doesn't replace anything.
Claire is just bonus extra me, and its cool that I have that as part of my life.

I must agree with "Wildaboutheels" -- I think many of us dress only to provide that female companionship in our lives. Perhaps it's because in past relationships our girlfriends or wives would not dress up nicely for us. And I do think that because, as we all know, it's impossible to quit doing what we find so fulfilling and comfortable, maybe we aren't putting ourselves out there in the world meeting women because we fear that someday we might have to make a choice between a woman and the woman within.

I don't think I'd call myself an SFD, as I don't go the full route with jewelry or makeup (although I'd like to, but fear evidence of it might not come off), so maybe along with SFD, there should be another qualification SCD (single closet dresser) !!

In my case although now divorced longer than I was married, I've been a single parent so my fem time has to be restricted anyhow to while I'm sleeping or the time my now adult son is away for an extended period of time.

Karen :)

Great question and I think the answer for me is maybe it could be, But I am in a LTR that has been very long term. I think I would dress more if I wasn't in a relationship. when we are together I dress a lot less than I do when we are apart, which I think comes from my quilt. My spouse is aware of my dressing and puts up with and has taken part in the past it but it is more of a DADT relationship, again maybe because of my self inflicted quilt.