Recently Found out he was a CD.

So, I have recently found out that my boyfriend crossdresses. We have been off and on for about 3 years now and he recently told me a few months ago. I was in shock at first and didn't know what to think or what to even say. I am now begining to become used to it all and im trying to support him as much as I possibly can, I have began to help pick out clothes for him and suggest certain outfits. All of this wasnt something I was expecting to have to deal with in this relationship but I love him no matter what. I would do anything for him and I hope to be able to be there for him through everything.

Does anyone know of ways I can be more supportive or any ways that can help me adjust to all of this?

So, ever since I found out about my boyfriend crossdressing I have been trying to find new wasy to support him. Here is a list of a few ways I have come up with and also read about!

1. Let him know as much as possible that you will love him know matter what.
2. Help him pick things to wear.
3. Appriciate the effort that he puts into his outfit when he dresses.
4. Compliment him on his makeup.
5. Listen to him when he wants to talk about dressing.
6. Be open to new things that you know would be supoortive and enjoyable to him and will make him more comfortable with himself while he is dressed.

Not sure if any of this helps or is even worth reading. I just had the urge to write this and I hope it might help someone in my same situation!

You've already said it....."I love him, no matter what!" That really one of the best things you can do for him.

agree with Farrah, just having a supportive attitude is the biggest help you can give.

again you are being the best partner, and he will love you as much in return, its not easy on both sides

Ally - just keep doing what you're doing, as far as you're happy with it... :)

You're very young - you've both probably got lots to explore and discover about yourselves yet, just don't let any one thing (doesn't have to be CDing - might be something else...?) rule your relationship - you have a right to your perspective and your passions too... make sure you keep it balanced (I say that because my observations are that we weird folk can be a bit obsessive sometimes - my opinion... :))

Otherwise; live, love and be happy! :D

Katey x

Im currently reading " my husband betty". It explores many aspects of life with a crossdresser. There will be ups and downs, fears, awkwardness. Oh and some really great times too. Communicate honestly with other. Be 100% honest in your disclosure. Also respect one another. He must respect you love him as a man. And you respect his desire to express his femininity.
My wife was in your shoes only 2 months ago. She has deep fears i will want to transition to a woman ( i dont). She also thinks she may lose her sexual attraction to me seeing me en femme. I dont dismiss these concerns and talk with her about them honestly.
Your feelings about his crossdressing may change daily or monthly. Ask him to roll with those changes in heart.

My wife supporting me has meant the entire universe to me. It is one of the greatest gifts she has ever given me. I suspect your boyfriend will be equally grateful for the supoort.

hi ally.nichole,
kudos for your support,
just as you have found ways to support his time with this i thought it was pretty one sided,
dont let the CDing dominate the relationship, the pink fog is powerful and consuming at times, make yourself a ally list of things for him to support ally, after all their are two people in the relationship and your time matters also, so to say keep it balanced.....

That's so great of you. If I could add something it might be, be honest. If something bothers you, talk about it. Talk takes the power away from repressed fears or concerns.

He must care for you very deeply and trust you completely. It's a hard secret to share. He is very lucky to have you! These forums are full of stories where the S/O isn't understanding or accepting. That you want to be supportive means more than you can possibly know.

The only thing I can think of to add to your list is have fun.

Hug
Rita

Katey is right. We can be self-absorbed and obsessive. The power of the pink cloud is enormous. You deserve respect and fair treatment, too.
He is so lucky to have you in his life. And...
help him with his hair. Curling iron, hot rollers, new color, wig choices many fun opportunities.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

...If something bothers you, talk about it...

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This is a VERY important point that Kim has made! You're in a relationship and it can't all be one-sided; everyone has limits, and they have to be discussed openly and honestly, by you both.

It's obvious that you are being super supportive and understanding - hopefully your boyfriend appreciates this! - but you can't be afraid to say "no" if you run into something you're just not comfortable with.

My girlfriend recently brought up something that she would have a hard time with and I was very glad she did; by discussing this with me in a candid and forthright manner I was reassured that she really wants our relationship to work! :)

Thanks so much for all of the kind words and support! I really do appriciate it all and am so very grateful(:

He is very lucky to have a girlfriend that is so caring, loving, and supportive. your list is perfect. I wish you two nothing but the best.
trisha

Hi Ally,

First off let me say how awesome you are! Loving him and wanting to help him feel feminine is so great. Having an accepting (and even encouraging?) SO is the holy grail for most CDers and so anyone who has a girlfriend like you is "living the dream" :) I have a very accepting and encouraging wife but even she had some concerns in the beginning that we had to speak openly and honestly about, and that was really only one thing, and that was that I was "just a crossdresser" (if I can put it like that) meaning that she was concerned I might be a transsexual who wanted to transition and have the surgery. I'm not, and I don't want to. Once we had that cleared up it was a green light for both of us to experiment and have a ton of fun with this! If anything, it's brought us closer together because of many things, not least of all that I am sharing with her a very very deep, personal and emotional part of me .... that is my biggest secret.

P.S. .. cute profile pic of the both of you!

Thank you so much, Rachel(: Your reply really did make my day! I wish you and you SO the best of luck and a happy life together(:

WOW girl do you have a accepting sister?

Most of what you are saying is great, but dare I say, he needs to be just as supportive of you on what ever you need.
It goes both ways.

Oh yes ... do you have a accepting sister.
You SO is so lucky, you look great also.

Prene

Ally,
Just look at every situation in a positive fashion/
I think you will be successful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ally.Nichole25

Does anyone know of ways I can be more supportive or any ways that can help me adjust to all of this?

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The six points you wrote are all wonderful ways that you can show support. Any CDer would be happy to have their SO do the things you propose and I don't think you can be any more supportive than this. :)

But I'm paying attention to the last part of your sentence. On the one hand you want to be supportive, which is understandable. Yet on the other, you feel that you need to adjust which reads to me as if you're not quite sure how you really feel about this.

So my advice is to honor how you feel internally at the same time as being supportive. This means paying attention to how you feel and being honest with your boyfriend when those feelings pop up. He deserves this. It is natural for our feelings about the CDing to yo-yo, especially at first when we are not used to being with a male who presents as a female. Also, the amount of time that your boyfriend might want to be feminine or talk about feminine things may differ from the amount of time that you might want to do this. It is sometimes tricky to walk a balanced line when we do honestly want to be supportive - and so developing good, honest communication about feelings and an ability to not judge the other person and honor their feelings is crucial.

My late wife was supportive of my crossdressing and the exploration of my gender identity. Those open and honest conversations included her feeling and questions as much as they did mine. It allowed us to develop the boundaries she needed to help her feel secure. It didn't always make sense to me, but it didn't have to. Those boundaries were not set in stone, but were only adjusted with mutual concent, so as we grew, we grew together not apart. It is so very important that your boyfriend understands that. I wish you both the very best.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

So my advice is to honor how you feel internally at the same time as being supportive. This means paying attention to how you feel and being honest with your boyfriend when those feelings pop up. He deserves this. It is natural for our feelings about the CDing to yo-yo, especially at first when we are not used to being with a male who presents as a female. Also, the amount of time that your boyfriend might want to be feminine or talk about feminine things may differ from the amount of time that you might want to do this. It is sometimes tricky to walk a balanced line when we do honestly want to be supportive - and so developing good, honest communication about feelings and an ability to not judge the other person and honor their feelings is crucial.

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Reine said it best.....do not lose sight of you.....we GGs sometimes want so much for our partners to feel happy we forget about ourself. Both IF both are honest and supportive of EACH OTHER.:hugs:

You're awesome - pretty and accepting. What more could he ask for? lol

Here's some mods to your statements you can think about.

1. Let him know as much as possible that you will love him know matter what. And then move on from that or he may feel like you're saying "you're doing something bad but I still love you"

2. Help him pick things to wear. "as you would with any of your girlfriends, not just him."

3. Appriciate the effort that he puts into his outfit when he dresses. " and let him know girls often need to refuse let their girlfriends to make certain fashion mistakes, though most of that was discovered when you were early teens ... now he is experiencing that learning stage

4. Compliment him on his makeup. "and let him know it takes years of practice to learn technique and develop fine motor skills in hands..and the 13 year old with awful makeup are proof

5. Listen to him when he wants to talk about dressing. or just get dressed together. lol

6. Be open to new things that you know would be supoortive and enjoyable to him and will make him more comfortable with himself while he is dressed. and when you get tired of it take him shopping ...for you.

And finally my own addition. Ask what his favorite undergarments are now ( bras panties ) and find out why ... ( he has certain needs - management of extra parts, etc ) and then surprise him with a matching bra/panty set some day. Take him to lingerie shops with you and let him understand what YOU like and probably you'll get some nice boxed gifts when he gets the nerve to shop there on his own.

Not sure if any of this helps or is even worth reading. Absolutely it was. Wish all girlfriends/wives could be as awesome as you.

..........just be there for him :hugs::battingeyelashes:

Hi Ally, Just be there for him this is when he really needs a true friend.

Ally.Nichole25, while it's awesome that you're trying to support you BF, and you want to compliment and convince him that you're OK with it, I'm sensing that you need to come to terms with it yourself. And I doubt that anyone can help you with your own feelings, other than to explain that crossdressing isn't a choice, but an overwhelming urge. Like eating and such. It can't be turned off. It can be ignored for only so long, but the CD will eventually lose the battle of the urge...

I hope you come to terms with it......