Serious talk

So I am a young crossdresser starting to telling more people. My question is how many others deal with their feelings by drinking and drugs ? I find it super hard to talk about and just wonder if anyone else is there to.

Kourtney smiles

Why drinking and drugs specifically? Is there guilt involved?

Hi Kourtney,

Are you saying it's the drinking and drugs that you find hard to talk about, or the crossdressing?

I'm assuming it's the crossdressing, or you'd be on a forum for people with addiction problems?

Either way, you've come to a good place. You're safe here. We all have our own stories about how we arrived here- some are still very private; others are very open, but we're all on a journey that involves allowing our feminine sides a voice, and we all love wearing women's clothes.

It can be frightening facing up to any kind of feelings. There's nothing wrong with feeling that you want to wear women's clothes; nothing wrong with wishing you were female, or more female than you appear on the outside.

The drink and drugs will block anything for a time, but feelings are there for a reason, and ultimately if you want to kick the substance dependency, talking about the feelings is the best way to start.

And here you are.


Hugs, Nikki

Are you asking if some people rely on intoxicant to cope with their feelings about crossdressing? The answer is yes, and all too often. If you're asking if some people rely on intoxicants to find the courage...or to loosen their tongues so that they can talk about their crossdressing with others, yes, that's pretty common too. The latter is a bit like texting when drunk....it's not a good idea.

I agree with all of the previous comments without quoting. In all my years on this planet, I've concluded that being NOT intoxicated by chemical influences is the ultimate comfort zone.

If you want to thoroughly wreck your life, drinking and drugs are the two best ways to do it. Leave them alone. Spend your money on skirts and dresses instead.

I'm a recovered alcoholic, and I'm speaking from experience.

Drinking and drugs are dangerous to your health and your life. Cross dressing isn't. Cross dressing is only dangerous to your pocket book, bank account and marriages and maybe your career from what I ascertain from reading these post. Just remember there is some great advice mixed in with most of the folks here and the things that bother you can be be discussed with out the drinking and drugs here. A great site, so take advantage of it.

Certainly. I've "self medicated" as a way of coping with this on many occasions. Less so, since I've gained a measure of self-acceptance and have come out to my wife.

Treating the root cause beats numbing the symptoms every time.

Stay away from alcohol in excess. Stay far far away from any kind of manufactured drugs (unless prescribed by your doctor). The stuff that's legal in colorado, however, was a godsend when I was really in the depths of the worst of it. Your mileage at vary of course. Everyone is different.

For me its about finding a balance. I make sure to always take some time to come up for air and be real. I enjoy partying on the weekend.

But yes, lowering inhibitions in a safe place can be beneficial when trying to accept this lifestyle. As others have said, it is a difficult road for many: isolation, feeling like something is wrong, maintaining work and personal relationships.

Drinking and other formsof reinforcement to lose your inhibitions is a sure way to trouble.
Stay sober, calm and in charge of your faculties, tell no one unless you really wish to confide in them.

This way the decisions are your own.

Getting sober was my first step to accepting myself. It took many more years to finally say yes I am TS. If the alcohol and drugs are more than occasional fun then it is time to step away from them.
Suzanne

That is a mood and acceptance issue, hon.

Drinking/drugs are a way of dealing with a symptom, not the root problem.

(30+ year struggler with substance issues here)

1) Drugs in any form are modifiers, they are not solutions.

2) You need to try and find a therapist who will help you feel ok with you being you. After that, 1) goes away.

3) There is no 3.

<3

- MM

Neither drink nor drugs have ever solved a problem. They usually only bring about more problems (mentally, physically and/or socially).

I used to drink a lot right before and after purging all my clothes. The guilt just kept building and I would always drink to combat the guilt until I purged. Then the drinking slowed down and I would start wearing again. Happened to me several times now since I was 14. Hopefully I've purged for the last time and don't let the guilt touch me this time!

For me it was pot. I was a weed junkie for 25 years. I found that when high, it soothed the pain of who I was. I haven't touched the stuff in 7 years. There was a time I couldn't go 7 hours. If I was dressed, I was high. Well I was high anyway so the dressing seemed to go hand in hand with it. It's a dead end sooner of later.
I was constantly numb. The key to getting off the drink and drugs for me is self honesty. Once I admitted to myself ok, this is really you. You can't snuff it out. I had to deal with myself honestly.

I agree with Cynthia. We both belong to Bill's club.

I"ld have to talk to my kids, they love their friends, but most are messed up and causing violence in the home. We often get hugs and thanked for being free of such vices. I hate spending money on such things (more money for cars & parachuting, white water rafting, motor racing etc), so I used to meditate through my feelings.

Your feeling affect your world, so rather than hide them temporary in the drug fog, see someone and learn to understand them better.

A lot of people who do not crossdress have issues with drugs and alcohol too. I did.

I was told years ago that although it was important to know what I drank over (we all have different issues that we must still deal with sober), fundamentally I abused alcohol to the degree I did because I was an alcoholic and not because of my issues. Other people with the same issues do not become alcoholics. I was also told to be sure and not substitute a different type of high to compensate for the lack of alcohol when I did stop drinking. This was valuable advice and it required a great deal of self-honesty to not fall into that trap.

drugs and drink will loosen the tongue and make it easier to tell someone about your crossdressing that is true. Once you accept who you are and have no shame about crossdressing, you won't need the stimulants. We all have to make our own decisions in life concerning drugs and booze, we have all been there, just be careful, know when to stop.

I never messed with drugs but I had a pretty serious battle with alcohol,so a while back I had to quit it completely.It still bothers me now and then and probably always will,but when I'm en femme,I don't even think about it.I just feel so much more natural and content as a woman,it never even occurs to me to drink.Who knows,maybe that was part of the problem.

I find alcohol the only way to cope with my confusion and depression sometimes...
I have been a functioning alcoholic for probably 20 years, & wish I could find a way to stop...
I know my gender issues are a big part of why I drink so much, since the only time I don't crave a drink is when I'm dressed..
It's no way to live, but lately, when I'm stressed out, I come to this forum & read some of the positive posts & advice, I feel somewhat better...
Hopefully, the sisters here can help you too... We all understand, & many of us are in the same boat..
Be careful numbing the pain with substances.. It's too easy to rely on them, & very tough to give up...

When people have inner turmoil, they need to talk to someone about it. I had guilt and low self esteem when I was growing up and I made the mistake of keeping it all inside. Burying our feelings just makes it worse and we look for ways to relieve the pain. When we find something that makes us feel better, we do it excessively and can become addicted. Some people find emotional relief from drugs or alcohol, food, sex, gambling, ect. But the relief is only temporary. I became addicted to television because it took my mind off the endless negative thoughts swirling through my head. I would recommend finding someone in your life that you can open up to and be emotionally honest. I didn't start opening up until my late 40's and I wish I had done it many years earlier. Best of luck!