Update to having toes painted at the pool
I don't mean to continue posts about the little things in my life here but I thought those that followed the post would want to know. I finally went back to the pool yesterday and I kept my toes painted (purple) while I was there. For me it was a big step in making this feel more normal and the first small step in making me feel less ashamed of it. The morning before I left for work (I work close to the pool), I checked my swim bag for all the stuff I needed and checked my sandals to see if they hid my nails. They're the type that comes across the top of the foot in a solid band rather than the type that fits between the big toe and its neighbor. They didn't really which was good because I wanted to do this. As a swimmer, I was less worried about being shaved as most serious swimmers are pretty well groomed (not to say that I look like a serious swimmer, haha). Anyway, when I got to the locker room to change, I was nervous about taking my socks off. Luckily, there wasn't a lot of others in the locker room so I took a deep breath and proceeded quickly trying to hide them in my sandals that I figured were better than nothing. Apprehensively, I made my way to the shower and did my pre swim shower (required to use the pool) while trying my best to hide my toes. It was pretty stressful to say the least mostly because of my own perception. I just kept thinking to myself, I wanted to do this, this is what I wanted. The shower went without a confrontation and I made my way to the pool. I found an open lane to myself and got my swim cap (Bright Fuchsia) and goggles. I hopped in and did some stretches before I started my workout. I didn't hear any comments or anything coming to the pool or leaving it. I remember when I was resting between laps looking down and seeing the purple on my toes and feeling really happy. I'm sure the other people didn't care but it was a big deal for me. I showered off this time pushing my feet further into my sandals so my toes showed better. I was feeling confident at that point and even put panties (usually the only type of underwear I wear now) on instead of my normal guy undershorts. I felt great coming out of the locker room not only because I made progress with my own acceptance but also because I got back to the pool like I've been meaning to do for a couple of months now. The moral of the story is that most of the perceptions you have about the negativity are likely (but not always) worse in your own head. I think of this a a small step towards my goal of being more out with others. Thanks for reading!
<3