3 Attachment(s)
"Hello Ladies!" A little long, sorry
This was an exciting week this week as Utah Pride Festival was happening. My fiancé and I were planning to go and so we had to go shopping (obviously) to have an outfit to wear. Over the course of the week, we had gone to a couple of thrift stores that were either incredibly crowded or didn't have a whole lot to choose from. The shopping went as it typically does, my fiancé would browse and I would pretend to be along just because she wanted me to be there (I'm working on that). This led to me feeling frustrated because I couldn't pick out the stuff that I liked and my fiancé isn't a mind reader so it went poorly. I did manage to get a few skirts for cheap so it wasn't a total wash. The day before Pride, I still didn't have a top I liked to go with the skirts I had picked up so I needed to go out again. This time it was closer to many of the stores' closing time so there were less people there. We went to the Dress Barn and there wasn't another person there accept for the sales clerk. She was friendly and we went about our usual song and dance about her picking out things (her sense of style is different from mine). As I got a little more comfortable, I started browsing away from my fiancé's safety net. This led to a more pleasant and fun experience since the sales associate was hanging out elsewhere in the store not visible. I wonder if she had a sense for what was going on. I bet she did by the time we left. My fiancé and I shared a changing room under the guise that I was going to help her pick out stuff that looked good on her. There was only one thing there for her and about 4-5 things for me. Haha. After we decided which purchases we were going to make, I took the stuff to the counter. After a little back and fourth, she asked if we had a shoppers card. I had one from a lovely outing with Tri-Ess where I shopped as my female self but I wasn't dressed this time. My fiancé, always trying to save me from embarrassment said we didn't but a moment of bravery (I guess) caused me to pull the card out of my wallet. My fiancé tried to pull it off as it was my sister's card and the clerk looked at it and asked how to say the name on the card. She complimented the name and we proceeded with the transaction. At the end, it almost sounded like she knew the clothes were for me when she had to correct herself when complimenting the choices that I (er...she) was going to wear. Afterwards, my fiancé and I chatted. I told her in situations like that, that it's OK that the clerk knows the clothes are for me. I was feeling a bit gutsy at the time to do it. She was happy to hear that I was starting to feel confident.
Fast forward to today. I had my outfit picked out, I had done all the necessary prep work (body hair) and I was ready to go. My fiancé unfortunately was not. She's been having problems with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain disorder and she wasn't feeling up to going to Pride. Honestly, I was disappointed that we weren't going to go but I also didn't want to put her through anything she would be miserable the whole time through it. I still got dressed and felt great about how everything came out. After a little while, my fiancé told me she was starting to feel a little better so that we could at least do some shopping. I thought that maybe she was lying to me so I would go out with her and she would just tough it out. When we started making our way to the complex that has Torrid and Ulta, her attitude seemed like she was legitimately feeling better. I stopped for gas on the way (no problems) and continued our journey for some retail therapy. When we got to Torrid, I had to gather my courage up to leave the car but I eventually got out and we walked right in. As soon as we entered, the clerk said "Hello ladies" and I really started to relax. I was a little nervous because this clerk we have seen before at this store and we've been recognized previously. If she did recognize us, she didn't mention it though. She was a wonderful sales associate. She didn't pry, asked if we needed anything in a size we couldn't find, everything a sales associate should do. After we had made our selections, it came time to check out. My fiancé went first and I was hoping that while I was waiting, nobody would come up behind me in line. Luckily, it was a slower day in this store. The sales associate made no mention of my voice being odd for a woman or anything other faults you hype up in your mind when you are nervous (at least that's what I do). The transaction went without a hitch and I added some more haute cash to my collection. :) While out, we stopped at Petco (for our fur children) and Ulta before my fiancé was starting to run out of steam. At Ulta, I picked up some shampoo and conditioner along with a new purple nail polish. Aside from that I had to pick up my Ulta rewards birthday present (they give you something free on or near your birthday). The sales associate there was also kind and respectful. She complimented me on my nails (transgender flag colors) and everything went off without a hitch.
This long story (sorry) goes to show you that the fear you have about going out (for those that want to) is often worse in your head than in reality. Like my therapist has said, it is unlikely people are really going to get in your face in a store and if they do, you can just walk out. It is unlikely anything more will come from someone that is only a stranger. If you shop in male mode, it is unlikely things will happen either. Most people will likely think of the first thing that's familiar to them rather that what you are thinking. For example: "The man is shopping in the women's section, he must be shopping for his wife." rather than "That man is shopping in the women's section, he is obviously a weirdo!" I'm going to continue pushing forward and make progress in being more comfortable with myself. As long as you are moving forward, no matter how little, you are still making progress.
Thanks for reading!
<3
