Came Out To 16 People Today...

I've been a member of our LGBT employee affinity group at work for almost 12 years. We have had a signature event every October since 2003. Originally we would show a documentary and invite the person who did the project to speak and conduct a Q&A after the showing. Sometimes when the producer or director was not available, we invited someone who was involved in doing activist work on the topic. I was out of the country for many of these, but some of the programs were:

• a documentary on same-sex marriage, Robyn Ochs talked and led the discussion
• DADT in the military, retired Naval Officer Joan Darrah and her partner Lynn Kennedy talked and led the discussion
• a documentary on retirement for the LGBT population (can't remember who the film maker was)

However, it became increasingly difficult to work out the logistics around showing films due to selling distribution rights to their films and in turn, that would have forced us to pay fees more than the budget we had to work with. So, 6 years ago we switched to an entertainment format that we could afford. The event has basically turned into a comedy night and we have had Suzanne Westenhoefer (twice), Alec Mapa from Ugly Betty, Marga Gomez and regional hit, The Calamari Sisters. This October, our featured entertainer will be Ian Harvie of Transparent (among other things). He will also do a Q&A after his stand-up routine. Ian is one of a growing number of transgender folks doing stand-up in recent times.

So, how does this relate to me? I am on the planning committee this year. A month ago during one of our committee meetings, I volunteered to be the MC for the event with one stipulation: that I do it as DeeAnn. The 3 other committee members thought this would be a really good idea and that is seems very appropriate, given who is going to be our entertainer.

Today was our first general body meeting since the committee meeting. We had 14 people in the room and 2 call-ins. What I said was that folks in the group know that I identify as bisexual. But, what they didn't know was that I also identify was transgender. As such, I volunteered to be the MC for the uncoming event, but with the intent that I was planning to be dressed as my alter ego. I was a little surprised that no one asked questions; not disppointed, just surprised. No questions about how I dressed, or anything.

I have been waiting to do this for several weeks as I felt that it was something I needed to do in person. I wouldn't feel right doing it in an E-mail or over the phone. I've known almost all of these folks for at least 5 years and some as long as 19. I guess it seemed important to me to hear first hand if there was anything that someone needed to say to me.

Anyway, life goes on...

DeeAnn

DeeAnn,

Kudos Girl! It is people like yourself that are paving the way for our next generation. Making it a little easier and easier to be ourselves.

hugs

niki

First off let me say I'm glad there is someone out there that does what you do. The event sounds wonderful. Second, kudos for handling the MC thing the way you did. Of course you should tell them in person. I hope no one judges you for it, but I think you will be ok. Have fun and please let us know how the event turns out

Good for you DeeAnn! Thanks!

- Suzie

Thanks All!!

As we get closer to October I'll post an announcement in Upcoming Events and afterwards in Special Events and Occasions.

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Originally Posted by hope springs

First off let me say I'm glad there is someone out there that does what you do. The event sounds wonderful. Second, kudos for handling the MC thing the way you did. Of course you should tell them in person. I hope no one judges you for it, but I think you will be ok. Have fun and please let us know how the event turns out

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We do have a lot of fun with the Event. I was in town for both of Suzanne's performances and Alec Mapa. I also picked up Alec at the airport and took him on a visit to our Corning Museum of Glass. It was pretty cool to hang out with him and do lunch. I think that we often see that negative sides of celebrities and we forget that MANY are actually pretty regular people. During the course of his act, Alec talked about all of difficulties when he and his partner adopted a little boy. It was such a painful, yet wonderful, experience to listen to his story. This is the kind of thing that really works to humanize LGBT folks for the population at large. Powerful stuff...

DeeAnn

Seemed to work out well so keep us posted.

It's funny. Given that Caitlyn Jenner has been so priminent in the news lately, I really expected questions. Not about the concept of transgender, as this bunch is pretty knowledgeable, but what was going on for me. My guess is that I must have seemed pretty confident and forthright about how I presented the information (I basically stated my intent rather than asking for approval) that folks figured it was essentially a done deal.

However, I must say there were a number of positive and supportive comments and that made me feel good. But, the main reason that I write about these events and happenenings is that, while the result certainly has its appeal, the experience and its effect on me is something to be noticed (good or bad). We will never pass this way again in the same way, so it's good to pay attention to the scenery, how it makes you feel and what it motivates you to do.

DeeAnn

Good for you DeeAnn - that's not an insignificant step for anyone... :cheer:

Are people already becoming blasé about being trans* thanks to Caitlyn? I doubt it... perhaps there is now an initial, thoughtful pause because Ms Jenner has brought the transsexual community and it's agenda to centre stage, but I'd expect the muggles to still struggle with understanding males who identify as male wanting to express themselves as female sometimes... It's the 'sometimes' thing that trips people up I think... :thinking:

Good job though - as MC sounds like you are up for being our very own RuPaul... ;)

Katey x

Well, RuPaul as an old lady!! Actually that was the question that I would have anticipated: HOW do I present? I had my iPad with photos as I didn't want to give anyone the impression that this was going to be an Over The Top Drag Queen deal. For the record, I do think Drag is a wonderful form of entertainment and given half a chance, I could see doing it; just NOT in this setting.

DeeAnn

People don't know what to ask generally, DeeAnn. That's what I've found when I've told people this, and they don't ask anything. Some are so afraid of saying the wrong thing, they don't ask questions.

Understood, and that's what I would expect in an at large group. However, the attendees for this meeting were roughly 2/3 LGBT and 1/3 allies. And given who we are as an affinity group, allies just don't wander in here. The often have some predisposition towards the community via an LGBT relative, friend or co-worker. So, over time I will likely poll a few just for my own understanding.

Regarding interpersonal matters like this, I often find it fascinating to compare thought processes (although I don't tell people what I'm doing). Sometimes with the same or similar thought processes, we arrive at very different conclusions. The converse is also true sometimes. I guess I've just always thought that Hu-Mans were really interesting...

DeeAnn

A lot of L's, G's, and B's don't really understand us T's well. I guess it just depends on the makeup of the group. Straight allies often don't either. If the group has dealt with lots of trans people though, that's probably not it then. There really are a lot of questions they can ask, but probably shouldn't. So maybe it's that. Show up as DeeAnn. That may start up some conversations.

Way to go, DeeAnn. I hope it works out well for you, I'll look forward to your future report!

Hugs, Bria

That is so cool DeeAnn. Someday I would like to do something like that, but it may never happen. I do have a friend that gives presentations at universities on TG issues. Generally it is a panel type thing with pretty much all of LGBT represented.

Sincerely,
Laura

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Originally Posted by PaulaQ

A lot of L's, G's, and B's don't really understand us T's well. I guess it just depends on the makeup of the group. Straight allies often don't either. If the group has dealt with lots of trans people though, that's probably not it then. There really are a lot of questions they can ask, but probably shouldn't. So maybe it's that. Show up as DeeAnn. That may start up some conversations.

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Folks have been sensitized to an extent. Several years ago we had a member transition, M2F. I don't know how that story eventually turned out as she left the company. A lot of that happened while I was out of the country. The last I remember was that her transition was pretty far along. We also had someone join about 2 years ago as her son identifies as transgender. As working towards transgender benefits has been a focus for us, I think on average there is more understanding of issues facing the community than the general populace.

Something that is significant for me is that all of us are here because we want or need to be. If you just wanted to meet an objective or get a pat on the back for being involved in diversity issues, there are much easier ways of doing that with far less potential for backlash.

DeeAnn