How do you be you

Good afternoon,
I identify as a gender fluid individual, my internal gender fluctuates over time. Some days I feel more feminine, other days more masculine. Sometimes I am both, others neither. No matter what, I am myself.

In keeping up with my ever changing identity I try to do little things to keep in line with my current "flavor of the day". Since 95% of the time I'm a mix of male, female, and sometimes other, this can get hard at times. Generally speaking, I try to do the following:

1. I keep a beard in some fashion. I rarely shave it, and Even if I do, I have a five o'clock shadow by the end of the day. Bonus, my girlfriend loves stubble.
2. My glasses are unisex frames.
3. I paint my toenails. Usually different colors on the left and right foot, often chromatic opposites.

These simple little things help me feel in tune with however I might feel at any given time. So as the title states, how do you be you? What part of your ensemble or behavior makes you feel most like yourself?

An important aspect is taking care of myself, because I didn't for the longest time and suffered as a result. Simple is good - stick with that and add as necessary. How do I be myself - well unfortunately that happens every morning, so I'd better make the best of it. That usually means day makeup first thing, lol.

Outside of things I cannot write here....I am me, by mostly being honest with me. It took a long time to be here. I love to dress, love to feel comfortable , and mostly want to be wanted by my wife. I think because of my honesty we are the best place ver and I should have done this years ago...that is how I am me!

I too have been diagnosed as gender fluid , like you some days all guy some all girl and then to make it interesting sometimes both I dress as atomboy so I blend in well yet I am wearing womens clothes no frilly dresses yet it is outside my public comfort level still --- read still peeking out of the closet :tongueout the nice thing about blending is I can be in public with the inner feeling Ihave a secret" although I recent ly got pulled over dressed a little more than usual so to ease up the situation I told the cop I lost a bet :D so no matter who you are on here as the other posters have said be yourself and enjoy
hugs phylis anne

I dress femme most of the time when I am at home. I also wear women's panties all the time except for work.

Great question....I happen to be lucky and I am able to dress alot...however not every single day do i feel like getting all dolled up, makeup etc...so some days I will dress, but not do makeup, others makeup but not dress. I only work weekends ( and rarely at that)...and when I DO go to work i go as a guy, however I have a pretty massive girl tee shirt collecion so i usually will rock one of those, and will wear one of my my girl jackets, my girl flannels my beenie hat, alot of my girl clothes at first glance can pass as a guys ..havent had the balls yet to rock my skin tight leggings, or my wedge heeled high top sneakers to work in guy mode but thats pretty much all thats missing...it gets me by on the weekends....

Hi Saikotsu,

Well for me, being me is internalized. I also identify as gender fluid but I am either presenting as a man or presenting as a woman (no mix of the two). So it is my personality which remains the same and only the packaging that differs. In fact as more people meet me in both genders they are quick to point out "I was expecting a completely different person but that is not the case, you just dress differently". :)

Cheers

Isha

Hey Isha,
I totally get that. When I came out to a friend of mine, he said, "Okay. whether you're wearing a skirt or wearing pants, you're still the same person." It meant a lot that he realized that right off the bat.

@Phyllis Anne and Adriana Moretti
Thanks.

Thanks everyone for your insight and responses. Always interesting to hear everyone's perspective

I'm usually just myself in either mode. The rest seems to be "filled in" by whoever is observing me. :)

"there's nothing more reassuring than realising the world is crazier than you are" (quote from the film "Thor; the dark world")

How can you not be you? You are what you are and what your life experiences have made you. Part of being you is conforming to society's expectations. Or possibly not conforming. In any case, I am me and you are you.

You're right, I'm always going to be me, no matter what. However, take for example when I go to work: I am closeted. Very much so. When I go to work, I dress and act like a man is expected to. But on days where I feel like a woman, I feel as if I'm being dishonest with myself. I am fine showing a facade to my coworkers, but I can't fool myself. On days like that, the nail polish on my toes really helps me feel...honest. Subtle little things that aren't easy to detect, things like women's socks, panties, nail polish (clear if on the hands), these things help me feel like I'm being true to myself when I'm otherwise presenting as male. Of course, there are days where I'm 100% fine with going to work as a man because I feel manly. Being "me" isn't just about existing as myself. Sometimes, it's about being true to myself too.

Hmmm... interesting point when I think about it...

Tidying up nails and toenails and clear polish is a subtle mode of expression - as is tweaking eyebrows to keep them neat and probably a little less than masculine... (I have recently been visiting an holistic therapist who does a bit of facial massage and she is the only person to notice but recently remarked "You have the most beautiful eyebrows.." I don't remember anyone ever saying any part of me was beautiful before that day.. :)) Smooth legs are perhaps less subtle, and a little self-tanner - sometimes with those little reflective particles that give a 'soft shimmer' is also a little out there for me...

The physical things help with cues for myself, and the rest of the world can go hang, frankly - but mostly it's what goes on in my head and that doesn't really change much. The only behaviour that makes an appearance regularly is a good girly bop in the kitchen when cooking... I definitely feel Katey has come home then. :D

Katey x

You're not being dishonest with yourself. You are a crossdresser and are doing the things crossdressers do. Welcome to the club. And to reality.

Most of us do just fine doing just what you are doing. Being the man we were born as five days a week and stretching things on weekends.

Most of the time I'm in male mode... I don't shave for days at a time and I wear sloppy t-shirts and shorts. Because it's summer and so hot outside, this works out pretty good for most days - and for when I dress.

You see, I found that when I get ready to dress, If I have a few days beard, my shave is especially close... I get a baby face after shaving. And that's when I feel most feminine. On those days I shave everywhere, paint my toenails and put on fake fingernails - stripping off the male façade and becoming what I am beginning to love the most... being a woman.

So, I'm a gender fluid and bi "person" who drifts in and out of my different personae as I please. Although, I am beginning to want to stay female more and more.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Krisi

You're not being dishonest with yourself. You are a crossdresser and are doing the things crossdressers do. Welcome to the club. And to reality.

Most of us do just fine doing just what you are doing. Being the man we were born as five days a week and stretching things on weekends.

---

I appreciate what you're saying and I agree to some extent. After all, I'm not really lying to anyone, so I can't be dishonest in the strictest sense. But on those days where the dysphoria hits and I hate my masculinity and wish for a female body, those small little feminine things go a long way to making me feel better. Like I'm being the person I was meant to be. It's because of that dysphoria that I dislike being called a crossdresser actually.

Yes, I have a male body and yes I sometimes wear women's clothes. That qualifies as "crossdresser." but when my internal identity is female and I'm wearing women's clothes, I don't consider myself crossdressing. I'm wearing the clothes that are expected of the gender I truly feel I am.

However, most days I feel more of a mix between the two. Very rarely do I feel all man or all woman. So that dysphoria is relatively rare. That said, presenting as a mixture feels...right. It feels accurate.

@Sandie70
I've been there myself, so I totally get what you're saying.

@Katie888
I never considered some of those things. Might be worth looking into.

In my mind, because using labels on myself helps me understand me better, I call myself transgender. Because (I hope) the dressing as a woman will help me with my dysphoria, I wouldn't call it "simply crossdressing".

Some men do, and that's fine. If all it is is a fun hobby, more power to you. If you don't struggle with dysphoria, good for you. If you're happy with "simply crossdressing", I'm happy for you because you're happy.

For me personally, it's more of a struggle for expressing outwardly what I feel inwardly. I don't yet know how deeply rooted my dysphoria is, or how much the act of dressing as a female will help, and I'm working on both of those things right now. I'm not 100% male or 100% female, I'm something else, and it changes on a daily basis, and that's okay for me.

I guess the point in all of this is that we all do it for different reasons, and none of those reasons are wrong. Whether it's for fun or being silly, or to sate a compulsion, or for any other reason you can or can't think of, the only person who can decide what's right for you... is you.

Well said

When I'm in guy mode no one would ever guess I could become Sherry. :eek:
I'm wearing a beard and stach in nearly ALL the pics I post here!:)

When I dress, I don't stop until I see a pretty, sexy woman in the mirror. Or, I won't even bother!:straightface: