Now that the dust has settled...
Hi everyone!
I haven't been online in a while because life has been crazy lately. I've had so many positive steps in my life moving closer to being the person I truly am. Today, I totally just got both of my ears pierced! Yay! I had recently gotten married to a wonderful woman that accepts me for who I am and she's been supportive of the decisions I hope to make down the road. While I won't talk about our wedding itself, we did sneak some references to me being transgender in our vows (subtly) as well with my wedding ring being pink and purple underneath and titanium on the outside. It helps me feel connected to the community when I can't be myself. Before the wedding, I told myself that I was going to come out to my groomsmen. This was an important step for me because even though I thought they wouldn't care, it was an important emotional barrier that I had to overcome. So let's back up for a second. If anyone had been following me on what's been going on with my life, I had come out to a friend of mine that was very much supportive of the LGBT community so I had decided that she was going to be the first person I told that knew me since high school. So, one day while her husband was at work and after a stressful morning dealing with family issues, I suddenly had lost the resolve to care about what others thought about me. Just one of those days where who gives a crap was kind of my attitude. I called her up and eventually got it out and it almost felt like an out of body experience. I heard what was coming out of my mouth but I couldn't believe it. It was like I know I'm saying it but I would never let out my deepest darkest secret. She had accepted it and even asked all the right questions (what pronouns? etc.). That made our friendship even better. This also made it easier to move on to other friends because she's married to a good friend of mine from high school. This was definitely harder to do. I have always felt better connections with women socially and having conversations about feelings with some of my guy friends was just weird.
As I was working up the nerve to tell my friend's husband, time was running out. My wife and I were getting married soon and I wanted to tell the all of my groomsmen who I really was and my friend's husband was part of that group. In a last minute panic, I told my friend to tell him for me and I totally chickened out (Not all of the experiences can be winners). Her husband was totally fine with it and said some really wonderful things to me to make me feel better about it. Unfortunately, my plan to tell the other two of my guy friends didn't work out because of time. Our wedding was in a few days and we were traveling. My groomsmen had a bachelor party planned for me 2 days prior to my wedding. It was a nice camping retreat away from everything. It was just us, a shack with a nice wood stove and lovely stream that ran past the shack. As we were enjoying the night and after a few drinks, I thought "What better time to tell my friends?" These guys have known me for the longest out of all of my friends and they were always there for me. After gathering up some liquid courage, we sat in the shack and again I had that weird feeling like my body was on autopilot and words were coming out that I never thought I would say. My 2 friends looked at me (the other groomsman wasn't there yet) in a brief silence after I explained myself and then they both got up and hugged me. I began to cry as I finally could be myself with my friends in ways I couldn't before. Since then, there's been a few questions here and there and I expect more down the road but it's been mostly just expressing support and love. My circle of support is growing and what seems to be the biggest hurdle is my own preconceptions of what will happen and imagining the worst. I realize that not everyone will have the same experiences as I will when coming out to close friends. I've been planning and sorting out who I was to tell for a few months now. It really gets easier with more experience. Like I've said as well as many others here have said, if you have a desire to come out to people, chose who you pick to do that with wisely. Family may have a harder time with it but good friends are the family you choose to be with. Good luck to those of you who are considering coming out yourselves. Hugs <3
