Want to transition because u can't?

Remember all those morality stories u heard as a kid? "The grass is always greener"? "U always want what u can't have"? :doh:

Maybe, you've thot about transitioning but u "can't"?:brolleyes:

It occured to me reading another thread that many of u may never come face to face with your transition issues for that reason. In my case, I faced it rite away. I didn't begin dressing until I separated from my ex. Altho I didn't realize it at the time, I thot about transitioning a lot! I tried to grew breasts using herbs and suction. And, fantasized about SRS. When my kids weren't over, I had the house completely to myself 4 days a week and every other weekend. It took me years but, I worked thru my transition issues. Turns out I'm simply a CD. :D

But, maybe u haven't? And, maybe u never will.:sad:
Because of your personal situation, (SO mostly), u can't transition! So, you'll never ever know if u would have if things were different?

Anyone relate to what I'm saying?

Sherry;
You hit on an interesting question.
I once thought about, or I should say I gave it a thought what it would
be if I was A Girl.
At this stage in life, now a happy retired widow, who misses his wife,
Is very happy with dressing at home---(Closet)--- And nobody knowing
of my secret desires. I try to arrange a few days a month that I can stay
home and stay dressed all day. and night and into the next day.
No I do not go out dressed, Reasons are I am just way to well known
in my community, and having a Mustache does not help neither.
So no Surgery for me, I will stay the way I came into the world, But
I still enjoy getting all dressed up, and run around the house.
Rader

I've thought about it a LOT lately and only recently. I honestly don't think I can do it or maybe like Caitlyn Jenner 'When I'm 65'...say, was that a Beetles song or Paul solo..anyway, I'm most definitely on the girl side of the gender slider, I realize that now but I don't 'think' I'm all the way...yet at least...but I could still be moving...TG forum here I come...maybe 😯

When i told my wife I was starting my transition, I put my foot down. No she doesn't want me to, but i'm doing it anyway. Yes, it's selfish and I know what the risks are, and since i've started HRT, i've never been more happy. She hasn't argued about it either. No, it's not easy having a SO, and if your SO supports you 100%, then that's great. If not, then that's tough. Mine doesn't, but she isn't stopping me.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Because of your personal situation, (SO mostly), u can't transition! So, you'll never ever know if u would have if things were different?

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Right.

It would be interesting to know, of all the people who think about transition, how many feel suppressed? And when they work their lives around to not feel suppressed any more, when they do begin to go out (LOTS), or dress at home (LOTS) if this is what they want, how many stop thinking about transition after some years.

I'm not saying there aren't people who are born TS. Of course there are and a TS's need to transition has nothing to do with feeling suppressed over a lack of opportunity to crossdress, obviously. But … is this everyone who thinks about it? I don't think so.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Remember all those morality stories u heard as a kid? "The grass is always greener"? "U always want what u can't have"? :doh:

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Nope. I don't want smallpox. I don't want uterine cancer. I don't want to be considered too short to ride a roller coaster. I don't want to be another race. I don't want to be 200 years old. I don't want to live on Mars or the moon. There are lots of things I don't want that I can't have. As far as transition? Virtually all of us can if we really want to and are willing to give up enough to get it. The question is, how much are you willing to give up? Selling a kidney? How about a lung, part of your liver, bone marrow? Considering all the families that don't want anything to do with a TS, who would be willing to give up family, job & friends? Give up any possible intimate relationship with a woman forever? And then live as a TS person out to the world for the rest of your life (because most potential TS know that they will not pass, either, and that's probably a very strong reason that so few actually do transition).
So no, I don't think it has anything to do with the illusion that we can't have it. We simply want it, and aren't willing to do what it takes to have it.

Reine,
I have to agree with you on that point, suppression is a killer ! My counsellor is going to struggle with that one , clearing your mind to find the right road !

Sherry may be right on that point but getting to it to find out can be so difficult to achieve ! The problem is you could make some bad decisions to try and find the answer !

Sometimes ,
I'm not sure if I agree with you, looking passable or not isn't the criteria for a TS, the looks may have to be worked on after but it's not going to take the need away !
As to whether we dare do it or not, I still see it as jumping into a black hole, you sacrifice so much for no guarantees ! I apologise for others who have gone through it and found their happiness, it's just my view of it in my personal situation !

Hi Sherry,

I am not sure if I can agree that someone who "needs to transition (true TS)" will be able to suppress these feelings irrespective of the personal situation. I cannot speak for our TS members but from what I am read the level of GID they experience is so overwhelming that to not transition (for whatever reasons) would lead to complete emotional distress to point of becoming non-functional in life (personal and professional). In my own case, my level of GID is clearly evident on those days I identify as a woman and to present male is extremely difficult if not impossible hence my gender fluidity in life. I have been exploring this side of me now for about two months (gender fluid) in all aspects of my life and I can state (for now and who really knows) that transition (complete) is not in the cards for me.

Where I agree is that some who water here (non TS) who have varying levels of GID may think that transition is the path for them but when they get the chance to face one small portion of transitioning such as being able to dress whenever they please and do so in public, they find, as you did . . . it is not for them.

Cheers

Isha

for me? would love to go farther. no need for a complete lower just remove the excuss tissue. so my undies and pants would look and fit correct.
have my own breasts. (body).
but need the male income to afford it.
would lose my job if i even came out as a cd let alone anything else.
very macho place.

I've had the desire to be female ever since I tried on my aunt's lingerie. I have had the SRS fantasy as well. However, a close acquaintance of mine actually had SRS. He seemed to have made the wrong decision because he has become very sick and weak after his surgery. He even stopped wearing women's clothes and now wears his old men's clothes. Years ago, it was assumed that if a man wanted to be female that he would, as a matter of course, get SRS. However, in today's world, to be passable AND "intact" is actually becoming more desirable - especially among religious figures ;).

Seems to me that many CDrs engage themselves in a host of fantasies, we see the posts daily...can I pass, want sex with a man when dressed, dreams of becoming a hot girl....etc, etc. fantasies are fine, but when coupled with a depressive of compulsive personality, these can become a substitute for reality. In other words, wishful thinking. The Jee if I could only be a girl kind of nonsense has little in common with the real struggle transsexuals face in trying to address their very real, tangible and frightening challenges.

To answer this question for myself. No I do not wish to transition because I can't. It's quite the revers. I am taking baby steps toward transitioning because I can and need to. But I do so with great caution and few illusions.

i have no illusion intrest or any though of being with any guy.
after a canser deal some years back. not possable with any woman now.
been single for so long, no need for a partner (any kind, style, intrests,etc).

Maybe I should jump in here since I began cross dressing 2 years ago and am transitioning. Yes it is worth risking all the things that have been listed if the reward is being able to be the authentic you. If it is just a preference or fantasy then no it will be hell. This determination about who you are cannot be done through your SO's eyes. This has to be done as an individual. Who am I? What am I? In which gender am I comfortable?

Then the risks can be examined. What is the minimum I can do and still be happy? Will my SO support me? What would my family say? How could I come out at work? These are all valid questions. However, many can't be answered until you have started the process. This is the single hardest thing I have ever done. Yes I have risked everything! The reward of finally really breathing is worth it! I will see it through! If you have suppressed this issue all of your life I believe you will have to face it someday .

For me, before I consider transitioning I need to make sure very that I want to do it. This will involve counseling. I need the unbiased objective opinion of a third party, who is trained in trans issues. Then there would be a need for a medical checkup.

Now after completing the above steps, and transitioning has not been ruled out, then I have to consider the other factors. A job is something I will need, not being independently wealthy. The job will need to be in a place that tolerates trans people. Being single and never married, there is no SO or partner to consider. Also, I have no desire for an intimate relationship. As far as friends, if they can't accept me for who I am, then I have no problem moving on without them. As far as family, they do not live nearby, so I could live without them. Now maintaining a relationship with my mother is very important, and that is the one relationship I want to maintain. If though I decide to transition family will not stop me.

I would like to maintain a decent standard of living, but if I decide transitioning is the direction I want to go, then I would be willing to make sacrifices in this area.

To some it up, if I can do it health wise, the issue is not can I transition, but do I want to, and am I willing to make the necessary sacrifices to do so.

It just seems to boil down to two situations. A TS needs to transition and many crossdressers fantasize the extreme of transitioning. I know I've thought that way. Even considered starting hormones, laser defoliation and even breast implants. Kinda' like uber cd'er. But does it really fit my reality? Not hardly. Any cd'ers that are considering transition should read some of the trans folks accounts of orchiectomy.

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Originally Posted by CarlaWestin

It just seems to boil down to two situations. A TS needs to transition and many crossdressers fantasize the extreme of transitioning. I know I've thought that way. Even considered starting hormones, laser defoliation and even breast implants. Kinda' like uber cd'er. But does it really fit my reality? Not hardly. Any cd'ers that are considering transition should read some of the trans folks accounts of orchiectomy.

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I see a few posts here like yours, Carla. "CD's dress and fantasize and TS's transition".

But, my experience with some dressers has been a bit more complicated. A few girls that seemed TS, didn't/couldn't transition for a variety of personal reasons. And, some that seemed more like CD's started and stopped transition attempts a number of times. Sort of blurring the, "Either u do or u don't", TS or CD, senario.:straightface:

Hi girls, I would love to , but being 66 years old now, I feel I cant. after years of marrage and surpressing these feelings, I have always felt female in some part , but life has a way of passing and now that my wife has passed, its just to late, so I just dress, anyway I want now mostly female and f.....k the world or how they feel about it. love peace Lynda

As a fellow 66 year old it's never to late if you want it, I started transition at 64, the happiest 2 years of my life.