people watching in girl mode

Tonight, I had a wig re-cut and then went to dinner where the silicon valley cool kids hang out: Santana Row. There's a Telsa dealership, lots of upscale clothing boutiques, restaurants and bistros. I'm in northern California and it's cool so I wore booties, tights and a green plaid pencil skirt with a white top and a moto jacket.

I had a few glasses of wine while eating and just observed. Dining alone, especially for a woman, is unique and at first I thought that would cause people to look but what the hell.... My hostess and waitress were friendly. My waitress, in particular, was very friendly. I'm betting I was her first cross dresser.

I was sitting outside on the pedestrian walk under a heater and made eye contact with every passerby who looked my way. I was on display for about 45 minutes. More than 100 people walked past. Overall, not one person was phased. Not one. No double takes, not stopping in one's tracks. I'd say 70% just didn't connect any dots after eye contact and moved on. Just another body. Maybe 5% really looked longer than "normal." That kind of look that says, "Something is not quite right." But even those people just kept on going and clearly didn't have a second thought about it. There was a couple on my left and a larger group on my right. Not a glance from the couple but one gal in the group looked several times. I smiled and she smiled each time. I'm sure she was trying to figure me out: cross dresser, trans, ....

In the end, I think people are generally tuned out, just polite enough, or maybe, a cross dresser is just not that unique anymore. Whatever the reason, there are none to keep us out of the public eye.

Most people see what they want to see. If they read you, they likely assumed you were trans, thanks to Caitlyn...

That sounds like a very pleasant evening, by the way.

edit: And thanks for showing, yet again, the total and complete absence of peasants with torches during one of your outings. :)

Most people don't pay that close attention to people around them so its easy to slip under the radar.
I get looks but most don't care if there is a tranny in the area.

I can only agree, most people either don't notice or don't care... Apart from work, I've not heard a bad word from anyone. Even when there's absolutely no doubt, I've only had the most professional of treatment. Over the past few days I've been required to present photo ID several time, at the bank, the doctors, a work arranged psych, etc. Now I think it's almost a complete waste of time when you compare my ID to what the poor tellers or receptionists have standing infront of them, and the members of the public who clearly overhear and view the conversations...

That's wonderful Jen, so glad you're having a good time. I love the Bay area!

Your experience mirrors ours. People are not after us with pitchforks. lol. Most people ignore us which makes sense ... we don't impact their lives in any way. Like you, we only get a few stares once in awhile. I'm sure it doesn't occur to these people to try to distinguish between "CD" or "TS" ... I don't think that most people know the difference and they likely think that my SO presents like this all the time. And for the sake of honestly I have to say that some drunk teenagers did hurl insults at us from a passing car once, and a few SAs and grocery store clerks did point and snicker a few times (they didn't realize I was looking), but 99.9% of the time people don't notice and we are left in peace to enjoy our outings.

The biggest issue is getting the people who know us, to support us by going out with us dressed or by having us over to their homes while dressed. I think it's more difficult for people close to us to be supportive than it is for strangers to not pay attention.

That's something I like to do as well Jennifer people watching just to see the looks I get an do I being 6 ft. 5 in. in heels gets lots of looks an no one ever says anything to me plus I could care less what they think. Just being me a pretty woman.

Jenn great post, I agree with everything you said. Yesterday I ran errands, shopped in Penney's for girl clothes, in Payless and tried on and walked in spiked heel booties, also WalMart all while wearing tight boot cut girl jeans and three inch heel booties and of course hose and bikini panties; felt so good, right and feminine, really enjoyed presenting this way in public. This is America and it's my right to dress feminine. And as I was watching everyone I passed or spoke to, not one clocked me, I blended perfectly, was happy about this but also perplexed I fit in as just normal. Had to make me think that first no one cares and second that CDing just might be coming around as accepted just like long hair, earrings, tattoos, piercings. My thinking is if a guy likes girl clothes it's nobody else's business so just see him as just another person.

I will be pleased when we lose our uniqueness.

I would say less people look for any length these days.

Certainly people don't notice as much.

I think it is the pace of life increasing

In Los Angeles you are more likely to get scoped than in New York.

Sounds like an awesome evening. I love to sit in cafes and people-watch. And I always consider it fair that they get to watch back if they want to. It takes a good hour for the mob to form up, rent the pitchforks and get permits for the torches -- you said you only stayed 45 minutes; you probably just missed them. ;)

I have basically get the same reaction when I am out and about. It is nice to be treated as just another person walking the earth with the rest of the masses and not some strange person.

Richelle

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

... I'm sure it doesn't occur to these people to try to distinguish between "CD" or "TS" ... I don't think that most people know the difference and they likely think that my SO presents like this all the time...

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Reine, this comment struck a chord with me. I agree with the "don't distinguish," part of your message but I think he default is trans. I do not pass as a genetic woman, that is for certain. My wife thinks that I am seen as a transitioned female and I tend to think the same. I don't think the average person has "cross dresser" on their mind. They'd recognize a drag queen and a lumberjack in a dress as such, but for the under the radar cross dressers like me, I think they default to trans because cross dresser just doesn't make sense. The blending cross dresser doesn't fit the stereotype.

On another note, of the 5 or 6 people who have chatted me up in real conversations while dressed, all asked if I was living full time! So, for the average person, is it all or none?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Reine, this comment struck a chord with me. I agree with the "don't distinguish," part of your message but I think he default is trans.

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I agree, this is what I meant. :)

It doesn't occur to people that a birth male presenting as a regular female would do this part-time. I suspect that most people still have a mind's eye image of crossdressers as looking like drag-queens or wearing stereotypically flamboyant crossdresser clothes (platinum wigs, short skirts, sky-high heels, etc). And so when they do notice that the woman sitting next to them is actually a birth male, they likely take it she is doing this full time which implies having transitioned. I don't even think they pause to think about what is under her dress.

I love and thank all of you for blazing the path for us CDs. I will probably never be out and about but I enjoy hearing the stories and opinions from those that are. I agree that if one chooses to present the way they want then they should have that right.

Bear in mind that when we talk to others, what they feel allowed to ask is somewhat bounded by political correctness. That is, I don't believe they speak their minds that easily. I despise correctness so I do all I can to break the ice and put other people at ease, but still, I usually can feel the "let's be nice to the guy in a dress" atmosphere.

I think you're correct. People really should not and for the most part do not care...if they in fact recognize you're a cross dresser or a transsexual. However, and, it's the big however, the reaction may be totally different with friends, family and coworkers. If "people do NOT have skin in the game" they really do not care or at least think seriously about it. I am closeted. That's my choice and I am comfortable with it. I am not driven to angst about it. I have acquaintances and friends who have voiced disapproval of gays and lesbians and transgenders and cross dressers. Most have come to the conclusion gays and lesbians and transgenders were "wired" wrong. But, cross dressers? They seem to not be able to wrap their heads around the concept. A guy who likes to wear women's clothing and act/appear as a woman? And, he cannot explain why he wants to appear as a she?

Anyway, sitting in a public place and watching the girls go bye will not confer acceptance in day to day life for everyone. As to whether cross dressers are not unique anymore, it all depends where you live. I've lived in the same small city since 1976 and I have seen two cross dressers in all those years, and, I saw one twice. I may have seen some that were 100% passable, but, then I would not have known they are cross dressers.

I had a makeover at a Semphora yesterday and the beauty consultant really thought it was an all or nothing type of thing. We had a long talk as she transformed me into what I saw as a beautiful woman. As we talked, several of the other associates came over and joined the conversation about crossdressing. It was actually nice to discuss it openly with all of them. We also had a great talk about their companies philosophy. They are trained that it is their goal to bring out the beauty in all people who walk through the door. Some clients vision of beauty may not agree with the associates, but they are not to press their views of beauty but rather work to accomplish the customers vision of beauty. By the time we were done, she told me that the way I look I should dress all the time, but she thought it was wonderful that I could do it when I felt like it.

What a nice time Jenn, and I so agree I just think people have just come to expect they may see a CD or Trans person in a public place I mean everytime I go out its more like I'm just dressing how I feel that day and go about my business and that's as it should be, so far have never had a negative comment

Totally agree. I was out the week before last. Dressed not really to draw attention (Talbots dress, sheer hose, mid-heels), hair and make-up to match. I was walking around fairly busy city streets and no one really seemed to even pay notice?!?