One way the internet affects the community.

I thought I would post something I put up on another CD friendly website. Crossdressers.com is my go-to for genuine feedback, support and discussion. There are others out there with their own angle, mainly catering towards the private hookup market. So what I say below relates to how the CD community is affected by the rise of the latter. Some of what I mention might be the same where you live.

My other reference point for much of this is my experience of having returned to New Zealand after 15 years away. NZ has always been a very permissive country. We were the first country to give women the vote (1890). We elected the first openly transsexual major (1995) who later became the first openly transsexual member of parliament (1999). So there's a bit of background for those who think NZ is actually Middle Earth. :) But we are a small country. 4.5 million people in an area the size of the UK ... and cut into two islands ... with mountain ranges and volcanoes thrown in just to make that road trip a little harder to organise.

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The internet is killing the CD community. (And probably other niche/kink communities too.)

It's ironic that the very mechanisms that were put in place to bring us together are what is sending us underground.

I have spoken to other CDs who were active in NZ 10 - 15 years ago and they all speak of the community being so much more active then than it is now. They met in person, either in public or in private. It would have been that way because that was the only way for it to have been.

When I started CDing 15 years ago in the UK, we didn't rely on technology to do the work for us. Just having a digital camera was a huge deal. Some of the really technologically minded girls had websites which were just dumping grounds for their photos. It wasn't interactive. It was pure Web version 1.0. We went out because how else were we going to interact with others like us? You had to go out there and find them. We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers, not friend requests and profile comments.

What the modern day internet has given us is a watered down and vicarious experience. Flattering friends lists, likes, loves and comments on that favourite outfit of yours. It's mostly vacuous. Like a kinksters way of virtue signalling to one another. Now we can all live out our CD desires without leaving the comfort zone of our computers. But is this what we really want?

It's Stevia in your coffee when you prefer brown sugar, it's a porn clip when you want sex, it's methadone when you need a proper hit. It's enough so you can say you're involved but not enough that it genuinely satisfies the urges that brought you here in the first place. It might be a tool, but it's also an excuse not to bother: 'I have to live it out on the internet'. No you don't.

I agree. Technology has a down side. I used to go to singles dances in the Olympia, and Tacoma Washington areas, form 2000 to 2010. There were about 300 singles at first. Today, one group totally folded, as only 25 or 30 single showed up. The other groups is down to 40 i heard, and about to fold up. The internet has a lot to do with it. It is a mixture of good, and not good, like everything else.

You raise a very interesting issue. The constant drumbeat we get from the techies is that the internet is helping us get together and communicate etc. etc. But I too have often wondered about this as I see so many people who are out in public and just communicating with their phones and not with those around them. As an illustration, I was at dinner at a popular restaurant when a family were seated at an adjacent table. Immediately they all took out their phones and began to look at the phone screens. Not one word was exchanged between them for a long period of time.

Yet sites like this one have helped to increase the size of the community. A large number of more closeted cross dressers have been enabled by this site who otherwise would have been alone or restricted to buying the transvestite magazines that were once our only way of finding out about other cross dressers.

I shall be interested in the opinions of others as this is a very interesting topic.

Many communities end up watered down due to social media.
Rotting away on the computer has it's place but it is not substitute for real life experiences.

So here are the two main truths about stuff -

The web offers a way to experience a fraction of whatever lifestyle with almost no effort.
People are often too lazy to do the work required to get out there and experience whatever community.
So here is the conundrum - which of those is the cause and which is the effect? People could argue for days about which is which.

There is another thing to consider when it comes to people living out their lifestyle on the web, specifically things like kink, vanilla dating, or being TG (getting more into cause vs effect) -

What about people who want to get into those types of groups or lifestyles but tend to be rejected often in real life? Maybe they look horrible even when CD'ed their best. Maybe they face an unusual amount of rejection in dating or kink societies because they are too old, not attractive, etc. In those cases, real life experience would be pretty bad. They want to have fun but what fun is facing constant rejection? Or maybe the "clique" turns up their nose. That is the worst when there is a clique that you are suppose to kiss their asses for the chance to be one of them.

My vote then goes to -
Cause - Unable to have any fun doing something real life.
Effect - people live out their fantasies on the web best they can.

Reminds me of that game Second Life - maybe 20% of the satisfaction of getting to do something but the effort/cost is less than 1%.

If all people were treated fairly by their peers instead of the 10% of "beautiful" people getting all the attention, we would have NO concept of social media. People would laugh at the idea. But no, people are pricks so someone invented a substitute. Think of this -

What if eating was often a bad experience for everyone instead of a comforting one? By now, someone would have invented a substitute for THAT action. But since it is not usually a bad time, we cannot even imagine what sort of necessary substitute would surface.

Too bad social media is a necessity.

I have used social media to seek out different groups. Often times I would meet in person and find out how cold they really were. After that, I had no desire to "live it out" even on the web since my idea was then tainted by what kind of pricks I dealt with.

I have not had time to think deeply about this matter, but I want to share some brief thoughts, which immediately sprung to mind.

1. The internet, and this site especially, have enabled me to get my head around my crossdressing and figure out exactly who and what I am. (Good)

2. The vast majority of websites dealing with crossdressing are very sleazy and not my cup of tea or coffee. (So-so)

3. The internet has enabled me to get connected with family I did not know existed, friends I have not heard from for many years. It enables me to keep in touch with family and friends across the continents (I am a NZer living in London) (Good)

4. The internet is stifling real communication and communities all over the world. It is but one element of modern technology (smartphones, TVs etc are the others), all of which create a virtual reality for today's humans and gives a false sense of what it means to be part of a group. (Bad)

5. The internet is dumbing down humanity, along with all the other social media. Some argue you no longer need to learn any mathematics or remember any knowledge, technology is right there at your fingertips to give you all the answers. (Bad)

Enough for now ...

Fair enough, but not all of us would be interested in meeting up with other crossdressers. I know I wouldn't be

I think it depends on where you are and how you use the Internet. As someone who has been around in the community LONG before there was an Internet, I'd say that it's a godsend. As a result of people being in contact with each other via the Internet and receiving positive reinforcement and encouragement from others, there are more trans people out in public than ever before. Before the Internet, I pretty much never saw a trans woman out in public except in the relatively friendly gay neighborhood in Chicago. Here in the Chicago area nowadays, there's a very good amount of real world activity. It's up to people to get off their butts and get out if they want real life experiences. The Internet doesn't stop anyone from going out.

Before the Internet and email, finding friends in other parts of the country or world was very difficult. There was a couple magazines that periodically published personal contact ads from people around the US and some in other countries, and you could write them via snail mail, which I did for years, made a few friends all over the country.

As far as I'm concerned, the pros outweigh the cons by a huge margin. The Internet is the most powerful support tool that's ever existed for us. :)

As a closest cd for 50 years the inter net is a God send to me. Who know where I personalty would be without it, but I believe I would be less informed and even more hidden than I am now.

I've noticed signs of a trend towards rejecting the net and social media. I know a few people who for example no longer switch on any kind of device on weekends. There are people who meet up and the first person to check their phone has to buy a round of drinks; a few bars and restaurants offering phone-free evenings or rooms.

The novelty's wearing off for many, and it will be interesting to see how today's young develop. Not all are hooked, some use it as a tool rather than a constant pastime. For people living in remote areas, or who have few friends or family, the computer is a life saver- that's probably not going to change, and who could blame them.

The only thing I'd really miss would be email, as few people are into writing letters- and that was the case before the internet.

All I know is that if not for the internet and this site I might be more in hiding as I was before. Yes I know I'm a dinosaur waiting to be turned into oil but in my opinion we(humans)are having our humanity taken away by the every day devices that are being used. Face to face, person to person interactions are at our very core as live flesh and skin beings, true there are down sides but I believe more pluses to our learning and growing. I do not live my life through electronic devices, I get out and interact(no matter what gender I'm presenting as) I'm the person who talks to you or at least tries to, while standing in line waiting, if I can get you away from your device and converse with me I can learn and hopefully teach about the diversity of our community. It was only till 2010 when I purchased a PC and then only because you can't get anything done anymore without it. I still have a flip phone which puts me in the geriatric category and the ancient old person group among the new millennials if only they would look up and see the life's experience in my eyes. Well enough about my views I'll just fade away now.

Kelly,
It's worked the other way round for me, I came here in a mess and found support. Being brave enough to put my location produced a contact , it took me almost two years to take up the offer but now I'm meeting a TG community once a month, it would never have happened without the forum but I will admit there's no substitute for living the reality . There's no reason why you two can't coexist .

I recently asked the question of the preferences for being , " IN or OUT ", I must do a count up from the replies but from reading them the majority are out or wish to be out.

This is why I take the initiative to invite people to chat on the phone or meet somewhere to talk. Our club has CD/TG weekends at least three times a year(one of which I attended last night). I prefer dealing with real people not icons on websites. Even so, I am here to help others when and if I can to embrace their feelings in connection with this.:battingeyelashes::)

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Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses

I've noticed signs of a trend towards rejecting the net and social media. I know a few people who for example no longer switch on any kind of device on weekends. There are people who meet up and the first person to check their phone has to buy a round of drinks; a few bars and restaurants offering phone-free evenings or rooms.

The novelty's wearing off for many, and it will be interesting to see how today's young develop. Not all are hooked, some use it as a tool rather than a constant pastime. For people living in remote areas, or who have few friends or family, the computer is a life saver- that's probably not going to change, and who could blame them.

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If the web and social media are dying down, I imagine it is because both are so clogged up with advertising that it just isn't any fun. Kind of like how commercials on TV ruin a show or movie, especially before DVR's or whatever. Plus with social media, people tend to post the same crap over and over.
We can only hope it goes the way of AOL and chat rooms - out there but people one day saying, "does facebook/twitter/instagram/etc still even exist?
THEN what? For at least 20 years now, the web has been distracting peoples' lives. Is there some company developing something right now that will be the next excuse for people to live on the web? Maybe something we cannot even fathom just yet?

Buying a round for checking one's phone? So in other words, some people have to be threatened into staying off their phone.

How today's young will develop - Probably their whole lives will be online. If that is all they knew growing up, how will they turn into well-adjusted functioning adults? Their job, friends, marriage (and divorce), appearance, etc... all online. The analog version of the person will stay tucked away in some badly lit room, leaving only to eat or use the bathroom. Never an analog face to interact with

I do not have many friends or family in real life nor social media. I just cannot be bothered with it. That goes for both the digital and analog world. I live in a huge town but since i deal with the public, I hate dealing with anyone when I am not at work.

I was thinking about how cross dressers contacted one another back in "ancient" times and remembered a weekly free paper called the Berkeley Barb which carried a large section of personal ads containing language that the mainstream press would have refused to publish. It was a major vehicle for enabling meetings. This led to another thought; I do remember that there were a few known gathering spots for gays or transvestites and they were well attended and very popular. Today most of these places have closed or they have a mixed clientele.

So, has the progression over time been from 1. a few gathering spots where one could find like-minded people, to 2. better connections between individuals enabled by papers and magazines willing to carry ads with more explicit language, to 3. an internet enabled world that allows lots of one-to-one contacts and allows individuals to find others like themselves either singly or in small groups.

One other factor not mentioned is the availability of large cross dressing get togethers in places like Las Vegas and Provincetown. Has attendance at these suffered because of the internet?

" Now we can all live out our CD desires without leaving the comfort zone of our computers"

Can I dispute that. While it's true that many who CD either have no desire or have yet to find the courage/time and place to go out into the world I seriously doubt that there's but a handful who actually don't dress in the safety of their own homes and are merely voyeurs. The internet firstly made me aware that I wasn't alone. Before that I really didn't understand what my little hobby was. It allowed me to understand myself better. Finding this site and then finally having the courage to join, was a major turning point in moving my CD'ing journey forward.

Far from allowing me to live out my CD'ing sat in front of a screen, it was in fact the catalyst that spurred me on to take further steps. CD'ing magazines? In my nativity I didn't even know such thing existed so finding like minded souls would never have happened.

I think we need to separate the differing classes of users. Yep there are the constantly head down while walking phone in hand youth as well as a proportion of the 30-40 somethings who have grown up living an on demand life style. But there's a huge cohort of us who use the internet as an occasional tool and live our lives around technology not through it.

I text friends but when there's a real need not just a "Hi watchya doin" aimless use of time. I meet up with friends and we talk, face to face. Plus who wants a virtual pint of beer.

The internet is a tool. No it is not perfect, but what is?? I would not know who(what) I am. I had no idea that I was a crossdresser until I looked it up on the net. I confirmed it on this site! I was out there looking in and learning as I went then I joined. I learned so much in a year thanks mostly to this site. Getting out. I am having a transformation next month and going out shopping for a wig! I think that is considered out and meeting people. People that I would not have met except for the net. It is a tool that if used properly can help us to grow! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

Gee, sorry I missed this one first time around. Very interesting. I think that everyone has a pretty good point here, and I like the premise that the OP started with. I believe it is not entirely accurate, or more correctly, complete. I see my oldest son having lost all physical contact with his freinds, and sitting like a lump in front of the screen, endless hours. Wrecking any in person relationships, ruining his health.

So the observation is not just CDs. But on the other hand, I do spend time here, perhaps too much. But if it weren't for the internet, I certainly wouldn't have dare to step out, wouldn't know or have met people from coast to coast, or know nifty tricks for cleavage, beard cover, or own nice breast forms. So for me personally, I have an opposite effect.

the internet has been a blessing for me up until 2005 I felt that I was alone and the only man that liked dressing in women's clothing then I found this site which changed my world for me so it has become the best thing for me thank you crossdressers.com and the internet

I think the internet has been amazing for us for so many reasons. Imagine what it would have been like 40 years ago having feelings and having no way of researching besides going to a library. Imagine not being able to find sites like this and being able to realise we are not alone. Imagine not being able to chat to other like minded people if you need to on FB/messenger/here.

Also the internet has made it a lot easier to arrange social get togethers, meet ups etc. For example Melbourne has a very active TG scene with quite a few places that are very popular. FB and the like are so helpful to spread the word. People then post pics, others see the pics and that can encourage them to attend etc etc.

Also (putting the obvious risks aside) social media can be a very effective coming out mechanism, where perhaps one could post some pictures on their FB Femm page viewable by a small group of selected friends as a start of the process to eventually show ones face in public.

For me when Becky emerged her first tentative steps were on the internet, i would never have gotten to where I am today without the amazing support of some wonderful people online.

I would say the internet has bought us together at least virtually and that is great so we know we are not the only ones out there. When I first made contact with other CD's it was though TriEss and an ad in a LGBT printed paper. I couldn't wait to tet to a meeting and meet others like me. Tri Ess took forever to make contact, tight security, but the other group was quite fun and it got me out to events and bars. Where that may lead was totally up to yourself.
Now I meet people virtually from all over the world. but to try to meet some one for real is next to impossible. Its back to the bars, which I am not a real big fan of because I am not into getting hit on by guys. When we met at a group meeting we would then go out as a group, safety in numbers and it was great fun and the chasers would leave us alone.
So I guess I agree the internet has a downside.

For better or worse, there were more trans support groups 15 years ago than there are today. More conventions too. Ironic what caused an initial boom lead to their bust.

On balance the sites I use - this one and Beaumont society have been very helpful. I do sometimes get angry with myself for spending so much time on the computer but it has made me much more aware of how privileged I am to be with a supportive wife and close friends. It is also good for finding ut about events and places which are CD friendly.

It's changed the way people communicate, or rather, not communicate. And those differences, screw things up. Some use email. Some use texts. Some use facebook. Some use twitter, instagram, tmbler, snapchat, pinterest, etc. etc., to send others information they want to share. And each really believes that what they are doing is the best and only way to do it right. Then get upset when the message/photo/link they send isn't responded to because it doesn't get to the other person, who is simply using a different type of communication. Actual phone calls have become rare. I've had several people tell me they will text/email/whatever me, and I tell them if they really want to get in touch with me promptly, simply call me. They refuse, and insist that they will text/tweet/email/whatever instead. I tell them fine, then expect me to respond the next day. Then they get pissed off.

All I can say is if it wasn't for the internet and this site in particular I would not be in the happy state i find myself today. Within a week of joining this forum I was talking to a local girl ( Thank you Giselle for taking us under your wing on our first outing) here and had talked my wife into attending our first Girls Night Out party. The changes in my wife's attitude after meeting other girls and their wive's still amazes me, and she is eagerly looking forward to the GNO Christmas party ( this Saturday) and many more outings to come. There was about 100 people at that party more than 2/3 of them were other girls like us, that to me is quite a turn out for the size of town it was held in, so there are people still willing to get out and meet face to face. As some of the other girls have stated the internet is a tool it's how you use it that makes the difference. Whether we choose to use it to open the door and walk through it or keep it closed and just meet online is totally up to ourselves. Either way it isn't the internet stopping people from meeting face to face we make those choices for ourselves. I know I've made my choice and I will never go back inside.

Yes. Many years ago, I used to walk down the street on a summers afternoon, and I'd see all of my neighbors out enjoying the day. But now we have air conditioning and everyone stays inside.

At the drugstore I'd see dozens of magazines containing popular fiction stories of every kind. But now we have TV and nobody reads for entertainment.

And, and, and. ...

Things change.
Life goes on.