An "Oh crap" moment and other good things.

Until today, only close calls . . . .

Backstory: I've been crossdressing since 7th grade (now 66). I've been self aware of my trans nature/desire to CD+ since I was 4 or 5. My late wife (33 years of marriage) never knew, much to my regret and sorrow. When she died I committed to honesty with any future partners. My current wife has known since we got serious during the first year of dating, and is encouraging and understanding.

We're both government workers and today is our New Years Holiday. we stayed home, I remained in Rhonda mode (as I've been all week) and we set out to watch some internet movies. My son, home from college in New England for the holidays went out to run errands. Time passed. I heard the door chime (part of alarm system), announcing a door had opened. I commented to [spouse] that the door sound was that of the front door -- son should be coming in the garage door. [Spouse] said that's son coming home. I remained seated.

IT HAPPENED! A moment later I hear the greeting of the dog walker behind me saying hello and Happy New Year. Spouse does not miss a beat and says hi. (Wife was supposed to have cancelled the dog walker because we were to be home.) Dog walker is standing behind me chatting with [spouse] and slowly moving further and further into the room. From behind I appeared as a woman, albeit a mute one as, I had not spoken. Based on the conversation, my continued silence is getting more and more awkward. Finally, I look up and her and say "hi, and Happy New Year -- guess you've found the family secret" and gestured to myself. She was like a deer in the spotlight for a brief instant, then looked bewildered, then resumed talking with [spouse].

After dog walker had left, [spouse] and I were discussing the incident and she had two interesting comments. First, she said that dog walker had not read me at all until I foolishly opened my mouth. Second, she said that until I did open my mouth, she was not in the least consciously aware that I was in Rhonda mode -- I was just me and she did not given any thought that I was Rhonda in front of someone who was not "read in to" this compartmentalized secret. She said that if I'd kept my mouth shut, dog walker would not have noticed me.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL -- Later [spouse] is on way to friend's house while I'm making leftovers soup. Wanting to make [spouse] jealous, I shoot a short video of my cauldron of soup, stirring it to expose ingredients and talking to describe its goodness. Without previewing it, I text the movie short to my wife. THEN I preview it. If any friends were to see it they would recognize the kitchen and my voice as I stir and lift the soup ladle to reveal the ingredients. They would not recognize the bright red/pink fingernails on my hands in the video. Yikes, a potential SECOND outing. I IMMEDIATELY texted[spouse] and requested her to delete the video. Waiting for an update/all clear from her.

My only issues with any of this is that I want to choose who, when,, what, and howI, reveal Rhonda to people. Also, I been scrupulous about mission security up until today. A little unnerving.

Just wanted to share. Any similar experiences?

Best regards, and Happy New Year to all.

Rhonda

Happy new year - sounds like you have a very understanding spouse

That's about a third of a romantic comedy movie right there. I give you full points for being spontaneous and owning the moment. There is always the chance that such an event will be disastrous, but, if, for example, your dog-walker is someone you've known and liked for some time (she does get to walk your precious pooch, after all), there is also the chance for a breakthrough that makes future events easier. If DogWalker shrugs and smiles, or offers a big hug, you have one more potentially significant person inside the perimeter and one fewer unexpected ring of the doorbell to fear.

My wife and I have a melange of people who know about me, and I'm free to present at my discretion when they're around. My sister and a number of friends who visit occasionally from out of state. The neighbor on one side has a wonderful FtM son in his early 20s, and I'm pretty sure she knows about me. It's better when you don't have to fear and hide.

It's a way of getting the knot to relax a bit.

Unfortunately, I am not an expert, but my instincts are in agreement with Bridget and Acastina. From my point of view, the actions of your very supportive spouse supersede everything. She lept in, took complete control of the potentially precarious situation that was unfolding, and she had your back. [EDIT] Oops! I misunderstood the 4th paragraph. Sorry, my fault :o. I now realise it was your spouse who hadn't considered that you were in Rhonda mode. In that case, I would say that's the ultimate indicator of total acceptance of Rhonda by your spouse . . . which is even more amazing![/EDIT]. I kind of understand your preemptive strike. As you said, it would feel uncomfortable to not at least acknowledge the presence of somebody that comes to talk to the person you have been talking to. One really does not want to be thought of as ignorant, and clearly, neither did you. In the best case, the dog walker would have gone, and you would have got away with it, but she might have wondered why the other lady didn't even say hi. On the other hand, if she would have found out herself by stepping further into the room and talking to you, then retaining control over the situation would have been completely contingent upon how understanding the dog walker is towards our community.

Regarding the soup video incident, from what you described earlier, your spouse is very situationally aware. I think with her knowledge that she left you in the house as Rhonda, I would find it difficult to imagine that she would have opened the video with others watching. And if she would have left her phone on a table or wherever, I would like to think that somebody else would not just have picked it up and watched the vid. Some people would, but I think most would not. I think you were quite secure with the second incident, but I understand that you might have been disappointed in yourself for letting it get to that point. Could half of your mind possibly have been on the dog walker incident from before? Who knows?

You have an amazing spouse!

Yeah, stuff like that happens to me all the time. It's bound to, because when I'm home I'm always en femme. People drop by unexpectedly, and my wife skypes a lot. After a while you get used to it.

Wow too funny. Thanks for sharing that with us, and yes I can see it happening to me too. Although it has not yet. Glad it went well and hope the "Dog walker" keeps her mouth shut or else you might be out to a lot more people that you planned. Hope it all goes well. Please keep us informed.

Hugs
Jolene

Thanks all for the support and kind words. The more I ponder it, the more I'm thinking that our kindly dog walker may not have actually registered and processed what she saw before her -- in other words, I may have skated to safety on this one. I know from all my times out and about that people see what is familiar to their frame of reference. If you look and act like a woman, unless scrutinized closely, you stand a good chance of being perceived as a woman.

Our dog walker resumes Thursday. We'll see whether there are any indications of her having actually made me. Wish I'd not said anything to her. C'est la vie.

Best wishes going forward on both of those incidents! You have a great wife! Hugs Lana Mae

Easy to see how it can happen, and but for the grace of God it hasn't yet happened to me! Do you think your next visit of the dog walker could begin with something like : 'I understand you met my (twin?)-sister?' Or 'cousin'? Anyway, i always draw some comfort in knowing that we all have secrets hiding at home or in our past. And LGBTQ related 'secrets' are not as shocking and as interesting as they once were. Unless you are a celebrity or national figure of some sort. I suspect nothing more will be said and your lives will soon return to normal. A great story though! Thanks for sharing!

I'm glad everything seems to have worked out well, but you are going to continue to have "Oh crap" moments if you don't think things through. You have apparently either left the doors open or unlocked or given people keys. That's not a good situation if you're walking around your house dressed as a woman and don't want people to know. Anyone can (and just did) walk in on you.

Putting anything involving your dressing on the Internet (or phone) lets it out of your control. You don't know who will be watching when your wife watches your video and you don't know that someone else might be using her phone and see the video.

If you don't care, that's fine, but if your reaction is "Oh crap", you've got to consider all the possibilities.